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Met a guy at school. He's really nice, kind, caring and a perfect gentleman. We've gone on a few casual dates and he seemed like a promising guy to link up with, but after a little while started getting really strange and it's rather annoying.
Texts me all the time, get's all worried and anxious when I'm too busy to reply (or don't feel like it), calls me 2-3 times a day (often just to say hi...which is dumb, especially when I'm at class/work/study), feels the need to join every conversation he sees me having with someone on campus, and I'm starting to see he very emotionally needy and needs validation for everything, which is really unattractive to me. He didn't exhibit any of this at first, but now It's really annoying and killing my attraction to him exponentially.
Yesterday morning, after a week of having little to no contact from, I woke up to see chocolate, a new PS3 game I didn't want nor ask for ($60 out of nowhere!!!! Why?!) and a card in my suite lobby. Needless to say, he creeped both me and my roommates out. The feeling simply isn't mutual, I've been making it very clear, yet he persists. I thanked him, but I bluntly let him now that he was going a bit too fast and I just wanted to be friends (honestly, cause he's fun to be around when he isn't acting like this, and I have a lack of nerdy guy friends to play games with). He frantically spent the WHOLE FRIGGIN' DAY apologizing to me in about 20+ texts. I started ignoring him after the tenth.
I can't really avoid him because we live in the same building and it's hard to avoid him in between classes. I'd rather not have to turn into Solid Snake when I'm walking around campus. I'd like to be friends, but I'm afraid he wont get that picture and keep hounding after me. He's a nice guy, but frankly, his attention is really starting to put me off.
Why cant he just accept the fact that I just want to be friends?! What can I do to make him see this?
Why are you even continuing to want to have him as a friend when his actions are completely out of line? This "really nice, kind, caring and (a) perfect gentleman" obviously has a few loose screws and is not going to accept that so get it out of your head. You need to shut him off completely. Firmly tell him that you no longer wish to have a relationship with him and then walk away. If he persists in hounding you, block his calls; leave any gifts where he drops them. If that doesn't do the trick, speak to a campus counselor. You're playing a game which is very unhealthy and need to put a stop to it now before it escalates. Good luck.
Oh wow. This guy seems like he could be a potential problem. Your accessment of him is spot on. He went from 0 to 60 in a flash. This is just my opinion: Something isn't right here. The level of your attention to him seems like a normal progression of friendship, but his to you is way off the charts. Constant calling, apologizing and 20+ texts IS NOT NORMAL. Even if you had him have been dating awhile (which you have not) it would be on the excessive/obsessive side. You seem really sweet and don't want to hurt this guy's feelings. Things are still in the early stage, so I wouldn't call or text him or accept anymore gifts...I would stop spending any type of social time with him (not even a cup of coffee). I'd be cool towards him...you know cordial but not friendly. You give him an inkling of attention in a 'friendly' way and he'll blow it way, way, way out of proportion.
Trust your gut instincts...you want to go to school and have a normal life. Not deal with a potential stalker. It seems you can not be friends with this guy. Look at what little 'friendship' you have with him has caused... Him harassing you and you trying to get away from him. Unfortunately, we can't be friends with everybody. Nip this in the the bud. I don't know you but you seem very sweet and don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I understand that, but I DON'T want him to hurt you. It would break my heart.
I hope I've helped some! Be careful and good luck with school. Let me know what happens if you like.
Ok, here's the sure fire way to fix everything...ready?
Get a guy friend, school mate, brother of one of your roomates, whatever to pose as your boyfriend. Tell this guy you have been distant because you felt bad. You had a guy you were madly in love with and planned to marry, but he did ______ (fill in the blank) so you broke it off. Then he came back out of the blue recently and promised to change and proposed. You accepted. Tell him you are sorry, you didn't mean to mislead him, but you thought it was over between you and the other guy. But you realize now you really did love him and since he is willing to fix ___________ you have agreed to marry him.
BTW this guy lives in another city, so he will understand if he never sees you with him again. Aplologize again, tell him he is a great guy and you are sure he will find the right girl, yada, yada, yada.
You're not a Solid Snake, he keeps his ego and your roomate's brother makes a few bucks. Win, win, win.
From a guy: don't try to be friends with him. Tell him that you're not interested in him romantically, and you don't have time to hang out with him casually as friends. Cut off all contact.
Don't invite crazy into your life. Ever. You are probably a People Pleaser and as such are afraid to trust your instincts. You need to learn to do this or you will be at risk of getting into uncomfortable or even dangerous situations with instable people throughout your life.
Follow STT's advice. Cut him off and let him know you are doing so. Then follow though and seek help if he starts to stalk or escalate.
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