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From what she has told us, they want a woman in her mid-20s, not a woman her age. Devout Catholics usually want to have a family, and IDDY is on the fence at best about children. Catholic and childfree is a hard sell.
on the fence?...even if she wants to have her own kids (biological) at 42, that ship just about left the harbor.
From what she has told us, they want a woman in her mid-20s, not a woman her age. Devout Catholics usually want to have a family, and IDDY is on the fence at best about children. Catholic and childfree is a hard sell.
Realistically, she's not going to be the only one. I'm sure there are Catholic guys in her area who are in the same predicament.
It seems like she has opened her mind about her standards on the superficial side of things (appearance), which is hard for most people to do. And she has kept her high standards when it comes to what she expects from someone from the standpoint of personal character.
I don't know her, but to me that sounds like the right place to be at her age.
Realistically, she's not going to be the only one. I'm sure there are Catholic guys in her area who are in the same predicament.
It seems like she has opened her mind about her standards on the superficial side of things (appearance), which is hard for most people to do. And she has kept her high standards when it comes to what she expects from someone from the standpoint of personal character.
I don't know her, but to me that sounds like the right place to be at her age.
While this may be (sort of) true, the OP has some problems with being pretty judgmental of people and not really following the golden rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I think that if she worked on that aspect of her life, and was able to be a bit more positive, she would be able to accomplish what she is setting out for.
It is one thing to set a certain standard and have confidence in yourself, but it is another to set a standard and treat the people you think don't meet it with disrespect and disregard.
I meet people day in and day out that I would never date but they are people just like me, and I treat them with the same respect I would like them to treat me with and I'll tell you what, it normally works.
OP needs t learn how to smile and be positive. Normally when you smile at someone, they smile back....
I do hope that the OP finds someone to have in her life. I also know she is going to have to change her ways in order to do it. To set standards just isn't going to cut it.
Also, another poster mentioned some Catholic dating sites. I think she may do well to try them out. I know Match has some good properties for her to use and try to have her profile be positive, but I do not know what the others offer.
The longer I stay on this thread, the more I realized that dating and marriage is highly individual and truly a private matter.
If OP wants a man her age, never married, Catholic background, educated, decent job, no children. She should have full freedom to pursue that. If she was all the above and she exist in this world, I can only imagine a male version of her exist in this world.
I don't think people should lower the bar just because they are older. Can you imagine being 55 years old and get a divorce, lose half of your asset, you cannot start anew, reality is reality. So be picky while you age, folks, take good care of yourself, don't be desperate just because you are aging.
I agree. I think the right person is going to understand where she's coming from and that's the person she wants. I certainly do and not to get too religious on you guys as I believe a lot of the Catholic seriousness about marriage is cultural as much as anything else.
Who cares what anybody thinks? In fact, being the contrarian that I am I like people who are willing to go against the grain and think out of the box. Nothing repulses me more than lemmings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
I personally will never mind a divorced guy. I don't agree with the poster who said that "I will not take advices from divorced folks." Well, I'd view divorced folks as soldiers come back from combat. They are more experienced, and hopefully, wiser. They know more now what they don't want, and they know how to appreciate their new spouses more.
Like I said, everybody has a story. For a good number of people, that is correct. I would still say the majority have either some kind of undesirable personality trait, drug or gambling problem, infidelity, or were just plain unserious about marriage. The only way to find out is to get to know the person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
I can understand however some men and women wont choose single parents, not like they are evil or anything like that, it is just there will be a lot of baggages to deal with and single parents will always put their children first, to a lot of folks with marriages on their mind, they are not comfortable taking the backseat for the rest of their lives.
Bottom line, stick with what you feel comfortable with. Don't let other people's opinion based upon their own biased personal experence define who you really are.
I put my wife, family, and MY kids first. My heart and my wallet don't have any room for anybody else's kids. Sorry, but that's the way it is.
And if I never find someone and don't fall madly in love again because I'm not willing to accept an instant family into my life, I'm fine with it. I'd rather have my nephew and niece inherit all my stuff than someone else's kids.
While this may be (sort of) true, the OP has some problems with being pretty judgmental of people and not really following the golden rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I think that if she worked on that aspect of her life, and was able to be a bit more positive, she would be able to accomplish what she is setting out for.
It is one thing to set a certain standard and have confidence in yourself, but it is another to set a standard and treat the people you think don't meet it with disrespect and disregard.
I meet people day in and day out that I would never date but they are people just like me, and I treat them with the same respect I would like them to treat me with and I'll tell you what, it normally works.
OP needs t learn how to smile and be positive. Normally when you smile at someone, they smile back....
I do hope that the OP finds someone to have in her life. I also know she is going to have to change her ways in order to do it. To set standards just isn't going to cut it.
Also, another poster mentioned some Catholic dating sites. I think she may do well to try them out. I know Match has some good properties for her to use and try to have her profile be positive, but I do not know what the others offer.
Completely agree with the bolded part above. Sometimes, however, those qualities don't radiate from a person who isn't at peace with themselves. I'm sure being where she is in her life would weigh heavily on some women at this point. I know myself, a lot of pressure was lifted when I started working for myself. No more accountability to anybody else ... I pretty much do my own thing and am a much less stressed person these days.
One of my personal qualities is that I treat everybody the same, whether you're a Fortune 500 CEO or a gangbanger, and I've had both as clients. That said, I am just as picky as she is about who I allow into my inner circle.
(To give you some idea of the things I get away with saying, I had a black lady as a client for a few years. Nice lady, but dumb as a rock. She came in the office one day and claimed she didn't recognize our long-term receptionist. I said to her, "Bev, we've known each other a long time and we're friends, right? So you're not going to get mad when I say this? ... We all look alike to you, right?" lol)
Yes, have fun. Be yourself!
Also agree with the rest except not much action on the Catholic sites, not to mention the fact that I see so many profiles there where they answer "No" to whether they believe in some basic questions about Catholicism six of the seven times. I mean what the hell are you doing on a Catholic site if you accept practically nothing the Catholic faith teaches?
Last edited by SevenEleven; 02-06-2013 at 11:00 AM..
Completely agree with the bolded part above. Sometimes, however, those qualities don't radiate from a person who isn't at peace with themselves. I'm sure being where she is in her life would weigh heavily on some women at this point. I know myself, a lot of pressure was lifted when I started working for myself. No more accountability to anybody else ... I pretty much do my own thing and am a much less stressed person these days.
One of my personal qualities is that I treat everybody the same, whether you're a Fortune 500 CEO or a gangbanger, and I've had both as clients. That said, I am just as picky as she is about who I allow into my inner circle.
(To give you some idea of the things I get away with saying, I had a black lady as a client for a few years. Nice lady, but dumb as a rock. She came in the office one day and claimed she didn't recognize our long-term receptionist. I said to her, "Bev, we've known each other a long time and we're friends, right? So you're not going to get mad when I say this? ... We all look alike to you, right?" lol)
Yes, have fun. Be yourself!
Also agree with the rest except not much action on the Catholic sites, not to mention the fact that I see so many profiles there where they answer "No" to whether they believe in some basic questions about Catholicism six of the seven times. I mean what the hell are you doing on a Catholic site if you accept practically nothing the Catholic faith teaches?
Well a person really needs to learn to love themselves. Not in an egotistical I am better than everyone else way, either. I could very well be a negative person. I have had a rough way to go and a lot of loss. I do think that would lead to a miserable life.
With that said, I choose to be positive. There is such a big difference in just day to day life, the way it feels. With that said, I think I may color my hair. I am not happy with it at the present time. lol
I am feeling depressed about the whole Taco Man thing and while he's the one I want I am losing faith in him doing something. In fact I am not serious about online as I think most guys online aren't my type. Because I am kind of "whatever" about online dating I am just going to edit my free online profile then only if I get guys I want responding (meaning never married childless preferably Catholic men near me) I will renew. This way I can test the water so to speak.
Here is my current Match profile, I put it up 3 years ago when my last ex dumped me and I was angry "I am looking for a guy who is serious about finding the one. You must be never married/no kids, decent guy, no con artists, and not a chauvinist. You can't be mean to me. I'm tired of dating guys who claim they want a relationship, then pull the they aren't ready for a serious relationship.". I wasn't really looking to be honest.
My new one: ABOUT ME & WHO I'M LOOKING FOR
What's to know about me? Well first and foremost I am a never married, childless devout Catholic woman seeking the same. For fun I am a teacher of religious education at church and am switching fields from instructional design to become a teacher as I feel I was meant to do this. I also volunteer for a military organization as I am the sister of a currently serving army doctor.
What do I enjoy doing? many things, from listening to music (I am proud of my music collection, which is over 1,000 CDs)to playing video games to reading. I also enjoy working out, and in the nicer weather one of my favorite activities is to walk everywhere, often with my dog. In addition to my dog I am the proud mommy of a cat and bird.
What kind of man am I looking for? the same kind as me, someone who has a kind heart and wants to find that special someone. As a never married childless woman I desire the same in the man I seek. I would like him to enjoy the same activities as me, or at least shared activities.
I wouldn't write to you.
Even if the Catholic part wasn't a huge turnoff I wouldn't be overly compelled to write to you.
Nothing here is ... interesting.
I think the answer is yes. It is statistically proven that the marriages with longevity tend to be the ones were husband and wife are best friends. By definition that means you are similar in at least the important ways.
There is a huge difference between having things in common, and wanting a mirror image of yourself. Its plain weird, thoughtless and ultimately stupid.
Good point, except for three things and this goes back to the thread where the guy was all paranoid about what other people thought because he lived at home with his parents. Everybody has a story. Hold you head up high and be the best person you can be. You don't have to answer to anybody.
Likewise with her. If she's a demanding, high-maintenance kook, then yes, she needs to work on herself to be a better person. If just the right guy hasn't come along, I wouldn't lie about it. In fact, being the contrarian that I am, I like people who think out of the box. Nothing's a bigger turn off to me than lemmings who think they have to conform to some superficial expectation other people have just because everybody else does.
I repeat, again, the Danny DeVito quote from "Get Shorty" about authentic Italians, and which also describes me to a tee: "It's more like your attitude. Your tone, your speech patterns demonstrate a certain confidence in yourselves, in your opinions, your indifference to conventional views. " That's why I say hold your head up high. You don't have to answer to anybody.
Second, there's someone out there for everybody. In fact, I took this diet class about 1 1/2 years ago and a nurse was in that class ... happlily married for the first time at age 52. The OP is active in her church, and believes in God. Maybe God thinks she isn't ready yet. When she's ready, someone will pop into her life. (BTW, I used to laugh when people said this but the older I get the more I believe this is true.)
Finally, it is not uncommon for single professionals to not marry. It's kind of the same issue with the 42-year old doctor in the other thread or the George Clooney quotes I posted. If you are a smart person, with traditional values/morals and looking for someone compatible it's tough to find. Take someone like me who's pretty much a character, and it's almost impossible to find someone who can keep your attention.
She could also experiment. Match has the options for both single and never married. She could try one, see how it goes and then switch to the other to see if she gets better results. Speaking from my own experience, when I switched from 37 and widowed to 37 and single, my profile views dropped considerably. Of course, it is possible I also live in a much more finicky area than she does.
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