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My neighbour is 59 and what she's encountered in her online dating ventures is a lot of men her age, or a few years older, looking for a woman less for companionship and more for cooking, cleaning, laundry. She's not looking to be someone's maid.
I have a few friends and coworkers in this age range, and I think it is very dependent on their relationship history.
The ones that are currently married say that they will never remarry (if something happens to their husbands) for this exact reason. They are tired of working full time and still carrying the bulk of the housework. It seems particularly uneven in this age group.
I know two that have been single for a long time and miss the companionship of being married. These friends would be glad to date or to remarry.
I think a large part of the issue is a generational thing. men over the age of 50 were, in general, brought up to believe a wife would take care of everything for them like their Mother did. Feminism came late to many of these women and I think they just don't want to be burdened with a large baby. And who can blame them?
I have seen this even with younger men, especially if their mom was a stay at home mom. That's why when I date men I ask what their mom did because then I know whether they are seeking a wife or a maid.
I am always approached online by these older than 50 men and am tired of it quite frankly. I don't want a 55 year old man, because not only is he too old, but he's getting to the age where he will need help. Sorry, but not interested in a man like this yet these men seem to think women in their 40's or below desire them. None of my friends desire older men unless he has money and can spoil her but otherwise? no way.
I'm only 42 but I assume that if I am still single in my 50's I doubt I'll care anymore. Most older women I know don't care anymore. In fact most I know are happy to be single.
Very. Only you have it a bit backwards. It's not that they don't need a man for support. It's that they don't want to take care of one. They've raised their kids and now just want to be content with not cooking big meals (or, like my sister, not cooking at all), not picking up after someone else, and not worrying about someone else's schedule or needs. I think that's a big driver behind "grey" divorce, actually, especially if they married and had kids young. After putting their families first for so many years, they want time for themselves.
As for those who do want relationships, a lot of them don't want cohabitation or marriage. They want their own space, for the same reasons.
you guys..this is so true. My mom is in her mid fifties, she doesn't feel like getting out there and pursuing someone because she's become comfortable with her single life, doesn't want to clean up after anyone, and feels men at her age are pretty set in their ways anyway.
I'm a man in my late 50s, divorced for five years, and have had two relationships since divorcing: one with a younger woman and another with a woman my age. The relationship with the younger woman was boring because we had little in common. The relationship with the woman my age was fantastic and I thought it would last forever ... until it ended. I wanted to get married to her. She ended it because she thought I want a younger woman; she felt uncomfortable when I even mentioned other woman who I worked with. It's perplexing and there is no way I can talk her into reconciliation. Believe me she expressed loving sentiment all the way to the end but decided she just wanted to be alone.
She expects to date again someday but I think she'll find plenty of turkeys. She doesn't have another man now either.
Now, my sister, who is older, is not at all surprised. She has female friends in their late 50's and 60's who have no interest in men or dating. They are financially well off and don't need a man for support. Is this common?
Sorry you're having a tough time. Women in this age bracket aren't the easiest to date because they are independent and have very definite ideas on what constitutes good treatment and respect from their partners. Their self-esteem and confidence tends to be high. When that is not the case, you might find one or two who are as "gunshy" as you describe your estranged friend to be.
Just curious, was there a reason you brought up other women you worked with? In a previous relationshp maybe her partner had an affair with a co-worker and left her, and your bringing up female co-workers was putting salt in a wound that had not healed.
you guys..this is so true. My mom is in her mid fifties, she doesn't feel like getting out there and pursuing someone because she's become comfortable with her single life, doesn't want to clean up after anyone, and feels men at her age are pretty set in their ways anyway.
I would think one way to separate the men from the boys would be to announce from the start that she doesn't provide mommy services. There must be men out there who were married to working women, and who shared the chores. The trick would be: how to weed through the haystack most efficiently, to find those golden needles.
That's why when I date men I ask about their moms. If I dated divorced men I would ask about their wives. Ironically when I have dated divorced guys I asked about their wives and found guys who admitted didn't cook or clean but expected their wives too were horrible choices.
I'm not in my 50's yet but I can't see myself being single at that age. I rather like having someone.
I'm 49 and if anything happened to my husband I would never get into another relationship. I would still see men but I would only have them as a lover. I just couldn't be bothered living with anyone ever again.
that's not a bad deal seriously if you think about it. When I'm in my fifties, rotating a couple lovers and then hanging out with friends and family sounds like a pretty awesome life to me.
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