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I've heard many women say the same thing you just did. Then their husband dies. Everyone of them has said they would give anything to have him back, loud snoring and all.
How did they die? Did their chronically exhausted wives kill them?
Oh, wait, snoring is often caused by obstructive sleep apnea, which can cause heart disease, irregular heart rhythms, high blood pressure, or stroke, and the stubborn clods probably wouldn't condescend to lose weight if they were obese or get a C-PAP machine or corrective surgery. So basically, these wives were okay with both sleep deprivation and watching their spouses put themselves in heart attack territory.
Yeah, well, I wasn't.
If every other part of the marriage is fine, there is absolutely no reason for one person to spend his or her life going without sleep. Sleep deprivation contributes to everything from heart disease to obesity to depression to car accidents. I urge anyone whose spouse or partner keeps them up with that every night to lay down the law: Either fix it with weight loss if necessary or a CPAP machine or corrective surgery, accept separate sleeping quarters, or get out. Life is too short to feel the way I did for three years.
When you know what I know you realize not only that the princess probably wasn't kept up at all but also that the pea may never even have existed. The human brain is a funny thing.
Not as funny as the crab's reading comprehension.
How about you actually read my post, in which I said his snoring WOKE ME UP?
But by all means, continue to presume you know what went on in my marriage. Your inaccurate assumptions are a good demonstration of how ignorance and presumptuousness often go hand in hand.
This brings up still another issue, why didn't she say no? She had experienced the earlier problems when her two were there before, and surely was aware that if the son moved back in her relationship with you would suffer. The key word was decided, it was her decision, not the law school son, as to whether or not he could move back in. Law school grads start off with very good salaries, so money was hardly the issue. She should have said no, and told her son to get his own place. She should have given her relationship with you top priority, not her adult children, both of whom would have been just fine on their own and independent, and did not really have to move back in with her.
Good point. The 2nd instance of law school grad moving in happened right at the breakup. The earlier move-ins were definitely disruptive. It's a lesson. A woman or a man who puts their grown children ahead of the relationship eventually dooms that relationship. And I'm not saying that family isn't important, but there is no reason to have 25+ year olds move in with you when they're perfectly healthy and have good jobs.
It's a lesson. A woman or a man who puts their grown children ahead of the relationship eventually dooms that relationship. .
Amen Brother, Amen. Been there, done that. Boy have I. She had four 20 or 30 somethings, all of whom she treated as if they were going on 10, if you know what I mean. All four of them thought that I was taking their Mommy away from them, so naturally I had to go.
Amen Brother, Amen. Been there, done that. Boy have I. She had four 20 or 30 somethings, all of whom she treated as if they were going on 10, if you know what I mean. All four of them thought that I was taking their Mommy away from them, so naturally I had to go.
I think that sums up my experience. In this case it was 3 boys. In fact I recall that at a breakup we had over a year ago she told me the kids were glad to have her back paying attention to them. Why they needed attention from mommy when they're 25+ is beyond me.
Really I'm 53 have been divorced for 8 years and love my independence. Do I like the time I spend with my guy. Indeed. Does he or anyone ever come above my kids. Even when I'm 100 and their 70?? Probably not. You guys better learn what a child means to a mother. I go weeks and not see my kids. But .. If they needed to move back in - always. Same for his kids too
Really I'm 53 have been divorced for 8 years and love my independence. Do I like the time I spend with my guy. Indeed. Does he or anyone ever come above my kids. Even when I'm 100 and their 70?? Probably not. You guys better learn what a child means to a mother. I go weeks and not see my kids. But .. If they needed to move back in - always. Same for his kids too
I put up with it. She was the one who ended the relationship, and trouble began when her kids had issues. I think she had difficulty managing the issues and her emotions so get recourse was to throw me out.
I think that sums up my experience. In this case it was 3 boys. In fact I recall that at a breakup we had over a year ago she told me the kids were glad to have her back paying attention to them. Why they needed attention from mommy when they're 25+ is beyond me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by deliz
Does he or anyone ever come above my kids. Even when I'm 100 and their 70?? Probably not. You guys better learn what a child means to a mother. I go weeks and not see my kids. But .. If they needed to move back in - always. Same for his kids too
We know, understand and accept this parent/child love. What we are talking about is a co-dependent relationship that goes far beyond these bonds. What the offending parent will not accept is that she/he is doing far more harm than good to the adult child. In my case, all 4 of her children ended up badly, 3 very badly. All 4 had at least one backruptcy, both boys have felony convictions, and only the oldest, a daughter, has any semblance of a normal life. I tried reason and pled with her for years to stop and practice a little tough love, to no avail.
But she had two unhappy marriages so she was probably projecting into the future and expected the same thing. It's hard to convince her otherwise.
Two unhappy marriages...grown children moving back home...insecurity/jealousy issues. Seems like your ladyfriend had more than the average amount of baggage. You seem like a nice man...she may have done you a big favor breaking up with you.
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Amen Brother, Amen. Been there, done that. Boy have I. She had four 20 or 30 somethings, all of whom she treated as if they were going on 10, if you know what I mean. All four of them thought that I was taking their Mommy away from them, so naturally I had to go. 
