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I don't know how to stop worrying so much. I got out of a 15 year relationship. It was abusive and I waited 2 years to start dating. I figured after what I had been through I needed time to myself. Besides I am sure I have some emotional scars no man would want to deal with. So I finally felt ready. Met this guy on a popular dating site (so against that but at 37 I don't know how to really meet ppl) he was my age, seemed to have his self established, 2 kids, great father, coached and mentored other kids. Things did seem to move quickly but it felt right and everyone told me to stop letting my insecurities run me. I figured that's all it was. He was such a nice guy, showered me with compliments, just did things I wasn't used to and made me feel so beautiful. He talked so much about a future, told me he was crazy about me, if I ever questioned it he would remind me that he wasn't him (my ex) everything was the moon and stars, it was only a few months but there were no signs at all that he became disinterested and one day he vanished. No call, no text, no nothing. I tried calling and he had blocked my number. I finally got him to respond and he said he didn't like that I had kids and did "everything" for them. He never met my kids, so I thought that wasn't the true reason but accepted it. It hurt bcuz it was sudden and thru a text msg. I thought it was disrespectful and showed that I really meant nothing to him. It all was fake. So I cry and pull myself together. Felt used n gross but it's not the end of the world. I randomly meet a new guy. But I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach so now I over think things. Is this a bad feeling and this guy is going to do the same (cuz there are similar signs) or is it that lingering feeling bcuz my heart still belongs to the other guy? I like this guy, but I can't stop comparing it like yeah this guy is sweet but he's not him. Is it just too soon? I didn't want to sit around and dwell in it but I feel so afraid that this guy is going to do the same thing. I had a gut feeling with the last one and thought it was lingering feelings from my 15 yr relationship but look what happened!
I just feel like I may not be ready for dating but I'm pushing 40, I don't want to be alone forever. Sure I will be ok and don't need a man, but I do want companionship. I just wish I knew how to know tge difference between jaded and instincts.
I Met this guy on a popular dating site (so against that but at 37 I don't know how to really meet ppl) he was my age, seemed to have his self established, 2 kids, great father, coached and mentored other kids. Things did seem to move quickly but it felt right and everyone told me to stop letting my insecurities run me. I figured that's all it was. He was such a nice guy, showered me with compliments, just did things I wasn't used to and made me feel so beautiful. He talked so much about a future, told me he was crazy about me, if I ever questioned it he would remind me that he wasn't him (my ex) everything was the moon and stars, it was only a few months but there were no signs at all that he became disinterested and one day he vanished.
1. Friends shouldn't counsel their friends to ignore their gut feelings. In my experience, this has never worked out.
2. Red flags are bolded. Most guys don't shower their dates with compliments. They don't talk about a future so early in the game. He knew what to say, he knew he was with a wounded person, so he knew what to say to "sweep you off your feet".
Con artist. You dodged a bullet. Block his number, in case he changes his mind and decides to call you. Move on. Don't fall for too-heavy-too-soon next time. The old appeal-to-the-ego-tell-you-you're-wonderful and lay it on thick m.o. is the oldest trick in the book.
btw, I've heard this sort of thing happens a lot on Match.com Once they make the conquest, they move on to the next one. If anyone tries to talk you out of going slowly by saying you're just reliving your past relationship, or by implying you're repressed (another fave line), dump him. These are manipulation tactics.
It may be helpful to get some counseling, so you can fully recover from your experience, and also learn how to trust your instincts, and how to gauge the difference between being too cautious and not being cautious enough.
For many on dating sites it is all about the conquest, not having a relationship. Have you read "Women Who Love Too Much"? Good book, might be of help to you.
Ruth4truth, you really put it into perspective for me. I'm getting off these dating sites. I'm not sure how I will meet someone but I hear the same stories too and hoped things might be different for me. The guy I just started talking to is sending off many red flags that I can't ignore. He spent the entire phone conversation telling me how fun and honest and funny he is. He's a police officer so he said he knows how to make people feel comfortable. He said I wouldn't be wasting my time talking to you if I didn't like you. I did catch him up when he said the names he had picked out of his children (he has none) I have 3. I said so if u want kids, I have 3 so would u b ok with not having any of your own? He said I'm not thinking that far right now, I just want to get to know you and have fun see where it leads. To me that sounds reasonable but he repeats the words "have fun" many times. I'm not trying to get caught up in that again.
Dollydo, I just ordered the book off amazon. I realize this starts with me. I'm naive and trusting but I need to know how to read people and figure out why it is that I always attract the wrong type of guys. Thank you both for your replies. I take them to heart.
Painful experiences are not fun. Try to learn something positive from it. Finding the right person takes a lot of effort and brings some pain along the way. Don't give up. You didn't do anything wrong.
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