Getting divorced over pets (meaning, reason, accept, best)
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I am dealing with the same thing, except I'm not allergic to my wife's cats. I didn't think it would be a problem that she had cats. I had owned several cats and considered myself a cat person. Only, my cats were outdoor cats, not indoors. Big difference. Her cats didn't bother me much at first. But after awhile, say 3 months, they started to really grate on my nerves. One throws up all over the house and the other one meows incessantly. Both shed ridiculously. Which is a big problem since I do all of the cleaning. I get furious every time I clean up all the fur all over everything. The one cat is very possessive of her and constantly demands her attention. We can't even have a conversation without the cat interrupting. This is the only thing we have ever fought over. Other than this, we have a perfect marriage. I'm not asking her to get rid of them, although I'd love to. All I'm asking is that she move them to our finished basement and out of the main part of the house. Then all the hair and meowing would be contained- far away from me. It's quite nice and comfortable down there, so her going down to visit with them would not be an issue. She just wants them up here with us, because "she loves them." I truly feel that she loves them more than she does me. If I owned animals that made her as miserable as hers make me, and if they were causing trouble in our marriage, I wouldn't hesitate to move them to the basement.
To all you guys who think they have a perfect marriage except the pet issue - do you know how DIFFICULT it is to find a good partner? Read through all the forums and the dating comments - it is HORRIBLE and cruel out there if you are single and looking.
Once you have found a partner- and everything is great - don't let a cat or two destroy what you have!! PLEASE! You might NEVER find a compatible partner EVER AGAIN.
Take the damn cat to the vet - or change food until you find some that she doesn't keep throwing up (is it hairballs or food?).
The other one meowing - maybe she is in pain?
Your cats behavior is not normal.
If you keep brushing them regularly, you have (a little) less hair all over the house.
Adopt out your pet. They are not dependent on YOU and ONLY YOU... they might be dependent on a human of some kind, but not YOU.
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Originally Posted by Chowhound
I'm sure the ol' hubby would be quite stoked to hear this information.
Living with pets is a lifestyle. It has been a dealbreaker in a man for me if he is not animal lover. I met my husband connected with animals and we are on the same side. And we actually are the ones who are adopting selfish peoples left over animals who would only care for themselves.
It is a sad trend that those selfish people would want to abandon their kids too if they are meeting new spouses. Maybe we one day are adopting those kids too. People are cruel this day to only only care for themselves. They take pets and make kids and right away abandon them if anything changes. Responsibility first.
He says in that case we would build a allergy house as next door and meet there like secret lovers
Pets are a lifestyle. If you are not a pet lover, your compatibility with a pet lover will only go so far before the pet is in the way. I will choose my pet over a BF at any time. I signed up to be the caretaker of that pet for however long that pet will be in my life. And I will most likely have more later on if my pet passes. That is one of my hard lines in the sand and I will not compromise with. My household pet is a dog, and my current dog has been with me for just over 9 years, which is longer than my marriage was (the demise was not over the pet).
If a non-pet person is dating a pet person.. it won't work in the long run. Either the pet person will scale back on the pet lifestyle, or the non pet person will get to the point of resenting the SO, pet, or both.
Pets are a lifestyle. If you are not a pet lover, your compatibility with a pet lover will only go so far before the pet is in the way. I will choose my pet over a BF at any time. I signed up to be the caretaker of that pet for however long that pet will be in my life. And I will most likely have more later on if my pet passes. That is one of my hard lines in the sand and I will not compromise with. My household pet is a dog, and my current dog has been with me for just over 9 years, which is longer than my marriage was (the demise was not over the pet).
If a non-pet person is dating a pet person.. it won't work in the long run. Either the pet person will scale back on the pet lifestyle, or the non pet person will get to the point of resenting the SO, pet, or both.
Well, what does that say about the OP who ignored the fact that her HUSBAND TO BE was allergic to cats, got married ANYWAY and then leaves him over the stupid cat...
I would love to see a divorce court judge take it out on her for being so stupid
Well, what does that say about the OP who ignored the fact that her HUSBAND TO BE was allergic to cats, got married ANYWAY and then leaves him over the stupid cat...
I would love to see a divorce court judge take it out on her for being so stupid
Takes 2 to tango, dear. They BOTH ignored the fact that he couldn't mix with cats and got married anyway. Not like she held a gun to his head, and certainly wasn't like it was stupid OBVIOUS she was a cat / pet person.
They both made the decision to proceed. They both are accountable for it not working out. You can't expect a person to change who they are once hitched, and I think both parties were kidding themselves into believing the pet issue was not going to manifest itself at some point.
Expecting her to get rid of the cat means you expect her to fully compromise and to give up the lifestyle. That is expecting her to change who she is as a person ... Sorry, you get what you see when you get hitched. You can't expect a pet lover to give up their pets any more than you can expect a loser that lives in his mom's basement to get a job once you're hitched. Just doesn't work like that.
My daughter was (maybe still is) allergic to cats. We got dogs. I, being a cat lover, didn't kick my daughter out and accuse her of "hating animals". Nor did I try to continue to have pets in my life which made her sick. She was #1 Priority.
I guess it is different with spouses. We trade em up if they get too old, fat, saggy, sick. And we do this in a heartbeat with modern technology at our fingertips we have no problem of finding a replacement for whoever it is that is not "perfect" enough for us.
I love animals. I always have and if I would have been born with more ambition to study harder as well as not had such a fear of blood, I was going to become a vet. I firmly believe that if someone is truly in love with another person they will make that person's health a priority. That thing about the ice cube? Wow!
Also, as much as I love animals, if I had a cat that clawed and meowed loudly at my door at 5 a.m., that cat would be staying in another part of the house at night alongside my "dearly beloved" cause I wouldn't want to have to deal with either one of them at that early an hour!
You, sir, have more patience than I would have had. I'm sick and my spouse is putting their animals welfare in front of my health? Bye, bye.
Takes 2 to tango, dear. They BOTH ignored the fact that he couldn't mix with cats and got married anyway. Not like she held a gun to his head, and certainly wasn't like it was stupid OBVIOUS she was a cat / pet person.
They both made the decision to proceed. They both are accountable for it not working out. You can't expect a person to change who they are once hitched, and I think both parties were kidding themselves into believing the pet issue was not going to manifest itself at some point.
Expecting her to get rid of the cat means you expect her to fully compromise and to give up the lifestyle. That is expecting her to change who she is as a person ... Sorry, you get what you see when you get hitched. You can't expect a pet lover to give up their pets any more than you can expect a loser that lives in his mom's basement to get a job once you're hitched. Just doesn't work like that.
I don't buy that one bit. I don't think any sane person would say it's acceptable to leave your SO over a pet. Dude got married, tried to give it all he could with the cat and it wasnt working. The cat has to go...
Unless I didn't read it somewhere, they did not have a conversation prior to getting married that the cat was mandatory
I don't buy that one bit. I don't think any sane person would say it's acceptable to leave your SO over a pet. Dude got married, tried to give it all he could with the cat and it wasnt working. The cat has to go...
Unless I didn't read it somewhere, they did not have a conversation prior to getting married that the cat was mandatory
A true pet lover doesn't give up the pet, that is just how it is. There are even country songs over this ... You don't have to understand it or accept it. The fortunate thing about dating is that you can pick and choose what type of personality / lifestyle you want to buy into - pets, kids from a previous relationship, living in Mom's basement .. whatever floats your boat, or doesn't, can be cherry picked. These 2 were dumb and never addressed the pet conversation prior to marriage. Now that they are married, they just got around to the fact that the pets were a big deal. Now what?
But, don't your dare expect a person that is a certain way to change several years into the marriage. It won't work. We already know this.
My daughter was (maybe still is) allergic to cats. We got dogs. I, being a cat lover, didn't kick my daughter out and accuse her of "hating animals". Nor did I try to continue to have pets in my life which made her sick. She was #1 Priority.
I guess it is different with spouses. We trade em up if they get too old, fat, saggy, sick. And we do this in a heartbeat with modern technology at our fingertips we have no problem of finding a replacement for whoever it is that is not "perfect" enough for us.
I love animals. I always have and if I would have been born with more ambition to study harder as well as not had such a fear of blood, I was going to become a vet. I firmly believe that if someone is truly in love with another person they will make that person's health a priority. That thing about the ice cube? Wow!
Also, as much as I love animals, if I had a cat that clawed and meowed loudly at my door at 5 a.m., that cat would be staying in another part of the house at night alongside my "dearly beloved" cause I wouldn't want to have to deal with either one of them at that early an hour!
You, sir, have more patience than I would have had. I'm sick and my spouse is putting their animals welfare in front of my health? Bye, bye.
Different type of relationship, different expectations. Your daughter, assuming she is a fully functioning, productive member of society, is not anticipated to live in your home for life. Your spouse, however, is. Daughter's allergies are a short term situation, in the scheme of things compared to a spouse that is expected to be long term.
I'm not a cat lover and I agree about the cats that annoy the **** out of people. Wouldn't be anywhere near me at night. But, some cat lovers tolerate that BS and more power to them.
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