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If my wife decided she did not want any hair for the rest of her life and shaved her head bald every morning should I have any say in this at all? Marriages are team work and I understand it is her body but her actions regarding her body impact both of us greatly. Not permission but agreement should happen. Understand that any personal decision about the spouses appearance impacts both of them.
If my wife decided she did not want any hair for the rest of her life and shaved her head bald every morning should I have any say in this at all? Marriages are team work and I understand it is her body but her actions regarding her body impact both of us greatly.
I'm assuming if you wanted to cut your hair, or grow it out or do anything along those lines you always ask her permission first? I mean, your decisions impact her as well.
I'm assuming if you wanted to cut your hair, or grow it out or do anything along those lines you always ask her permission first? I mean, your decisions impact her as well.
Well, there is a difference in that these changes are not permanent and are easily reversed in a short to modest amount of time. Even of such minor matters as hair styles or shirt colors, my wife and I usually ask what the other thinks and almost always factors their opinion into the decision.
Anyway, in a good relationship, any significant changes are usually discussed, negotiated or compromised. Most major changes rarely even arise as issues, as compatible people are not likely to radically change their ways to any extent - such as suddenly desiring major tattoos when they previously had no interest. If they did, it may be a sign of some deeper issue or problem.
In a mutually caring relationship, each knows that some decisions or choices will affect their partner either positively or negatively, and in such relationships a partner or spouse will avoid negative changes or seek buy-in before acting. If they don't, then it's either very selfish and immature, or a sign that they are done with the relationship and really don't care what their spouse thinks anymore.
If my wife decided she did not want any hair for the rest of her life and shaved her head bald every morning should I have any say in this at all? Marriages are team work and I understand it is her body but her actions regarding her body impact both of us greatly. Not permission but agreement should happen. Understand that any personal decision about the spouses appearance impacts both of them.
Actually, I think you need to understand that "any personal decision about the spouses appearance impacts both of them" only when they let it.
You are making a choice to be unhappy about this to the point of threatening your marriage.
You are even making a choice WAY ahead of it happening that it's going to affect your sex life (what? are the tattoo's going to glow in the dark or something?)
Look, not saying I'd want my husband to come home with 1" ear gauges and bone thru his nose, so I get where you are basically coming from.
But you need to hear what I'm saying, digging your heels in like this is not the way to go. If you continue to express your displeasure so negatively without even trying to see her point of view or giving her some respect for why she feels this is something she wants to do, you will just continue to damage your relationship.
See, you view this whole thing as something SHE is doing to you and to damage your intimacy, but I guarantee you she sees it the other way around.
Until you can find a way to work as a team on this you are going to continue to act like opposing players on opposite sides, and one day you really will be - maybe in a court room
Well, there is a difference in that these changes are not permanent and are easily reversed in a short to modest amount of time. Even of such minor matters as hair styles or shirt colors, my wife and I usually ask what the other thinks and almost always factors their opinion into the decision.
Anyway, in a good relationship, any significant changes are usually discussed, negotiated or compromised. Most major changes rarely even arise as issues, as compatible people are not likely to radically change their ways to any extent - such as suddenly desiring major tattoos when they previously had no interest. If they did, it may be a sign of some deeper issue or problem.
In a mutually caring relationship, each knows that some decisions or choices will affect their partner either positively or negatively, and in such relationships a partner or spouse will avoid negative changes or seek buy-in before acting. If they don't, then it's either very selfish and immature, or a sign that they are done with the relationship and really don't care what their spouse thinks anymore.
I can definitely agree regarding compromise. I do think people can change and evolve over the years and what may have seemed unattractive or unacceptable can be wanted at some point. Maybe your partner always wanted tattoos but were afraid that a potential partner wouldn't be attracted to them and they're finally at a point in their life where they feel comfortable enough to get them? I know when I received my first large tattoo (covered my entire left forearm) there was absolute shock from people because they knew this would eliminate a large portion of men for me. I'm so happy I didn't compromise my feelings about body art though, and even if my choices have crossed off a large portion of the male population from ever being attracted to me, I still feel it's worth it to stay true to myself and my desires.
I think if people spent more time working on themselves and less time worrying about what others might think of them people might be happier, and therefore open to better and more trusting relationships. My Grandmother got her first tattoo a few years ago and she loves it and wishes she had gotten it earlier in her life, but was afraid of social stigma. I don't want to live like that.
tl;dr
Be careful when picking your partner and be true to yourself.
I guess it all comes down to preferences. Im neutral when it comes to tatoos, dont have any although may get one or two at some point. If my girl wanted to get some, Id probably be supportive and be more interested in what design she wants and her reasoning for wanting them. However, if I was in a relationship or married to someone who I knew wasn't a fan, I would take their wishes into consideration. Its hard to be a part of a ralationship when only your wishes, perceptions, preferences and views count. Unless you are a selfish and self centereg person, I guess. Oddly enough, tats used to be a way to show a level of non conformity, individuality and helped you stand out in a crowd . Today it seems that not having any would almost serve the same purpose. I much prefer letting my personality do the talking when it comes to showing a unique side, rather than something that screams look at me.
I guess it all comes down to preferences. Im neutral when it comes to tatoos, dont have any although may get one or two at some point. If my girl wanted to get some, Id probably be supportive and be more interested in what design she wants and her reasoning for wanting them. However, if I was in a relationship or married to someone who I knew wasn't a fan, I would take their wishes into consideration. Its hard to be a part of a ralationship when only your wishes, perceptions, preferences and views count. Unless you are a selfish and self centereg person, I guess. Oddly enough, tats used to be a way to show a level of non conformity, individuality and helped you stand out in a crowd . Today it seems that not having any would almost serve the same purpose. I much prefer letting my personality do the talking when it comes to showing a unique side, rather than something that screams look at me.
You can do both, you know.
I didn't receive my tattoos so that people would look at me, I received them because I like the art form.
And no, not having tattoos doesn't make you special, just like having them doesn't make you special either.
If my wife decided she did not want any hair for the rest of her life and shaved her head bald every morning should I have any say in this at all? Marriages are team work and I understand it is her body but her actions regarding her body impact both of us greatly. Not permission but agreement should happen. Understand that any personal decision about the spouses appearance impacts both of them.
Would she have a say if you made the same decision, or if you went bald naturally? Oh my God! He is bald. We did not discuss this and I really don't think we can be together anymore. This is not what I signed up for.
I didn't sign up for my parents getting cancer and dying but I'll be darned if I didn't ride it out with them.
Love is one of those little things called unconditional. She is not going outside of your marriage, and she has talked to you about it. Like LovesMountains said, the way you are behaving towards her over it will probably make her want to do it even more.
I just feel like people are so selfish sometimes. What does your wife want a tattoo of?
So does your wife tell you how to dress or ware your hair? You would be less attracted to her if she changed her hair?
There's a HUGE difference between getting a hair cut and getting a tattoo. Hair will grow back. The tattoo will be there forever. I don't like tattoos. I've dated guys with them, so they aren't a deal breaker, but if I married a guy with no tattoos and all the sudden he wants to get several large ones, then yeah I'd be kind of upset. Out of respect for my partner I wouldn't drastically alter my appearance. Sexual attraction is really important. Why would anyone do something that would make their partner not attracted to them anymore? We're not talking a hair cut and color or a new style of dressing...we're talking ink on large portions of their body, impossible to change or hide. I think the wife is the one being disrespectful. Can't she start with just one small one if she feels the need to get a tattoo?
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(what? are the tattoo's going to glow in the dark or something?)
