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I have a female acquaintance who cheated on her BF three times (or at least got caught 3 times). They broke up briefly and got back together. He felt that the her infidelities did not bother him as much as he believed they would (he is a VERY self-confident man with high self-esteem). She feels she cannot live without him (so her esteem is pretty much nonexistent).
She said the reason she cheated was because she was feeling neglected emotionally and in terms of attention -- even though they are together every day. She says she knows he loves her because he stayed, however, she suspects he may be thinking of cheating on her because he once wondered aloud whether sleeping with one or more other women would have “balanced the books.”
His “balancing the books” comment suggests he is very hurt and angry with her for what she did, and/or himself for staying with her. I can understand his sentiment but am not convinced cheating on her as revenge will make things right.
Two wrongs don't make a right. He should just wait until the next time she cheats and he - temporarily - breaks up with her. Then he's free to do whoever until they get back together.
Revenge cheating, or even flirting to make an s.o. jealous, is SO immature! But she sounds like the immature one in this equation. She cheated 3 (or more?) times, just because she felt neglected? Did she ever bother to let her BF know she was feeling neglected so they could discuss it? She sounds like she needs counseling for deeper issues. It sounds like no one would be able to give her whatever attention or emotional support she feels she needs. Not to mention her absence of communication skills, etc. Serious baggage, red flag!
We don't know the context in which he made the "book-balancing" comment, so I'm not worried about that. I'm wondering why he would stay with someone who cheated on him multiple times, though.
I have a female acquaintance who cheated on her BF three times (or at least got caught 3 times). They broke up briefly and got back together. He felt that the her infidelities did not bother him as much as he believed they would (he is a VERY self-confident man with high self-esteem). She feels she cannot live without him (so her esteem is pretty much nonexistent).
She said the reason she cheated was because she was feeling neglected emotionally and in terms of attention -- even though they are together every day. She says she knows he loves her because he stayed, however, she suspects he may be thinking of cheating on her because he once wondered aloud whether sleeping with one or more other women would have “balanced the books.”
His “balancing the books” comment suggests he is very hurt and angry with her for what she did, and/or himself for staying with her. I can understand his sentiment but am not convinced cheating on her as revenge will make things right.
Any thoughts?
I agree. I'm not big on revenge myself. But some people can do it and actually feel it has evened the score. If I'm going to be with someone else it's because the relationship is beyond repair. I'm on my way out. Been there.
Revenge cheating, or even flirting to make an s.o. jealous, is SO immature! But she sounds like the immature one in this equation. She cheated 3 (or more?) times, just because she felt neglected? Did she ever bother to let her BF know she was feeling neglected so they could discuss it? She sounds like she needs counseling for deeper issues. It sounds like no one would be able to give her whatever attention or emotional support she feels she needs. Not to mention her absence of communication skills, etc. Serious baggage, red flag!
We don't know the context in which he made the "book-balancing" comment, so I'm not worried about that. I'm wondering why he would stay with someone who cheated on him multiple times, though.
Agreed. I think she, however, finds it reassuring to feel he is jealous -- which, ironically, he is not! He just did not like being lied to.
I can't speak on why she did not tell him she felt neglected, and what her intent was, since I don;t know. But the book-balancing comment meant he was prepared to sleep with two or three other women just to feel he got even in some way. Sounds easier to just leave her, but on some deep level he apparently loves her.
it won't make things right, he's just comfortable with/has fun with this gal and enjoys the feeling of being needed she gives him. meanwhile is testing the waters to see if he can get away with plowing other girls on the side. if he's as confident as you say, he already wrote off having a truly serious long term thing with this lady
...if he's as confident as you say, he already wrote off having a truly serious long term thing with this lady
He would never openly admit that but I think you are exactly right. Only someone who has "given up" and is just waiting for something better would stay in that situation.
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Only someone who has "given up" and is just waiting for something better would stay in that situation.
