How was dating different in the 90s, 80s, and 70s?
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I’m not political, but I have come through a time when I wasn’t treated equally at work especially. So for me I’m using the simple explanation. As soon as a guy mentions “2nd wave” or whatever, I get a weird feeling he’s talking about all the different ways he doesn’t like women.
Sorry, just thought you ought to know how some women view that topic...don’t use buzz words or talk radio jargon unless you’re sure she’s pretty conservative.
Because I am a guy, I see this more in women, but because you are a female I suspect that you see this more in men. But there are some people who have gone through the dating process and just picked up a lot of baggage that they haven't worked through with respect to the other gender. Maybe a bad divorce or a bad break up.
These people may be horny so they are still in dating market, but they basically hate the other gender. If I was a woman, I would be completely reluctant to date any guy who identified themselves as Mgtow or Red pilled or any of that, because a lot of these guy just have unresolved issues and a certain amount of animosity towards women that I wouldn't want to deal with.
But as a guy, when I hear from any woman who starts going on especially really early in on the dating process that she is feminist, my general experience is those are the women who have the most issues with men and that is definitely a red flag for the same reasons that a guy talking about being Mgtow or Red pilled is. That conversation is rarely actually about feminism and is mostly about her unresolved issues with men and that is someone to stay well clear of. The issue isn't feminism, it the fact that she just has a lot of unresolved issues toward men and who wants to deal with that?
Now much later in the dating process say 5 or 6 dates in, if she wants to discuss what did I think of Bill Clinton's speech at the DNC convention, I am fine with that, because if we are in a relationship we are going to need to talk about politics, but if we have made it through 5 or 6 dates without politics being an issue she probably isn't an ideologue either.
Most people didn't jump to sex right away. Most women kind of expected to be in love first. So first dates were generally more relaxed and fun. You didn't hardly know them since there was texting and Facebook. You met women mostly in school or parties. People also dated more with the idea that they were looking for a spouse. We get married a lot younger. Most of my friends were married by a year or two after college. Girls went to college with the idea of finding a husband.
Most people didn't jump to sex right away. Most women kind of expected to be in love first. So first dates were generally more relaxed and fun. You didn't hardly know them since there was texting and Facebook. You met women mostly in school or parties. People also dated more with the idea that they were looking for a spouse. We get married a lot younger. Most of my friends were married by a year or two after college. Girls went to college with the idea of finding a husband.
This topic is lumping some very different eras together, IMO. For example, your description may fit the 70's better, but by the 90's, women weren't going to college to find a husband. The 70's were pretty much the tail end of that mentality, which strikes me as more of a 50's thing.
And I don't doubt that plenty of people these days are having fun, relaxed first dates. It's easy to fall into the trap of viewing the world through the "unique"--haha--lens of CD-R, but let's not forget, that there's a tremendous variety of human preferences, inclinations and interests out there. There are all kinds of first dates happening, including (apparently) Timberline's experience: sex before deciding to date.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
There are all kinds of first dates happening, including (apparently) Timberline's experience: sex before deciding to date.
Happens and happened commonly before I was even born. People met at bars, clubs, concerts and hook up and end up dating and getting married. Hardly noteworthy or new.
If anything is new is that there are far more women that are completely upfront about wanting the sex without the relationship. Finding someone to have sex with has never been easier. Finding someone that wants to date, now that can be tough.
And even in the 1960s if you are old enough to remember the dating scene then. I am only 23 and it's certainly a much different dynamic these days with cell phones, Facebook "stalkers" and etc. The difference in virginity rates is overwhelming, of course, and there are certain dating routines and behaviors back then that were commonly understood that are not known anymore. But dating is timeless and I'm sure many of my generation's problems were also experienced by guys who are slightly older. The older you are, the better! Thanks a bunch.
I am 53 and can speak for the 80s and 90s, as a woman.
1. People had more social skills. They spoke in real time and did not have the luxury of editing.
2. Men had to approach in person before the Internet, and I think that in the long run, this gave them thicker skins in terms of letting rejection roll off their backs. Some let it get to them and became bitter, but there were no great big groups self-identifying as "incel" and so on.
3. Pornography was much less extreme and involved much less silicone. I hear from young women all the time that young men have unrealistic expectations of what a woman should look like and be willing to do in bed. Also, porn addiction was nearly unheard of. Same for revenge porn. And of course, there was no "send nudes" or unsolicited pictures of men's junk.
4. If you called someone and they weren't home, you just had to be patient and wait for them to call you back. People did not expect instant gratification in communication, nor did they get upset or angry if the person didn't get back to them until the next day.
5. People were in better shape with less obesity. On the other hand, there was still a lot of fat-shaming.
6. Date-rape only came into the collective consciousness in the 90s. Before that, it was "taking advantage" of a drunk woman, and she was ultimately blamed because she got drunk.
7. It was harder for people to cheat. Now people just need the internet to find someone. People still cheated, but it took more effort to find an accomplice.
8. There was no social media, so there was no fighting because OMG, this girl or that guy liked a photo, followed someone, or left a comment. There was also no way to stalk an ex unless one physically did so.
9. Everyone was afraid of getting HIV because back then it was a death sentence.
10. Without apps and dating sites, people gave each other more of a chance. Also, mail order brides really were from a mail order catalog.
11. There was no Googling. You had to learn about someone as you went.
12. There were no fights over people looking through phones and browsing history. People still snooped, but there was less to snoop--maybe a file cabinet or journal, and if those were locked, people didn't accuse their partners of "hiding something" and demand access.
A typical first date in the mid 90's for me would have been TGI Fridays and a movie or even mini golf. Not anymore. Now dinner and a movie is frowned on, especially on a first date. The rules have changed so much I don't concern myself anymore. If I was single these days, I'd just meet for a drink and then decide if I wanted another date. Also, meeting for a drink isn't even a first date. I call it date zero, and the first date is after IF you're not ghosted. Unreal.
Dinner and mini-golf was my favorite first date! It was fun, and you can tell a lot about a person by how they lose, if they can laugh at themselves for accidentally hitting the ball off the course, etc.
I agree that meeting for a drink isn't a first date, too. Date Zero. I will pass that on.
11. There was no Googling. You had to learn about someone as you went. .
I like it that nowadays, it's harder for people to lie about themselves (not impossible, just harder). It's easy to google search someone and using various online sources, it's easy to find out where they used to live, who they lived with, criminal record, etc.
There were entire books being written in the 70s and 80s about people who faked who they were in relationships, and how to avoid them or spot their lies. Now all you have to do is go online.
How was dating different in the 90s, 80s, and 70s? I was a lot younger then
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