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I don't blame RObert a bit for testing the OP. I would too, I'd want to see how much she was willing to lie, too. We've already established she's a liar, now, before he marries her, Robert wants to know how MUCH she's willing to lie, so he can make an informed decision about her. Based on what she's written, her only remorse is having been caught.
The sex is nothing. To me that's a red herring. The lying, and the willingness to continue to lie are the problems. I mean, if he cannot trust her that far, can he trust her at all?
Well, if you are going to compare yourself to every other guy every woman you date has been with - then you might find yourself mighty unhappy.
who said anything about every other guy
if you would be comfortable with your wife having sex the night she met your friend but made you wait forever that's fine, but you're in the minority.
who said anything about every other guy
if you would be comfortable with your wife having sex the night she met your friend but made you wait forever that's fine, but you're in the minority.
Well, I'm a woman. I've also never had anyone ask me how long I waited to have sex with every guy I've been with. I've also never had a guy care if I made someone wait or not wait or if I had casual sex.
You and the poster I was responding to totally missed my point. My only point was that he obviously read the OP wrong. It irks me when people don't get their facts straight. She wasn't cheating on him. That was my point. Yes, she lied - but she wasn't actively having an affair. You can feel as strongly as lying as about an affair - but my point was that the poster needed to get his facts straight otherwise his posts were irrelevant.
She was bangin' Sam when she first started dating Robert.
She wasn't doing Robert....yet.....but she informed him that she had "conservative views" about sex.
All the while gettin' Sam's rocks off while making Robert wait his turn.
She was bangin' Sam when she first started dating Robert.
She wasn't doing Robert....yet.....but she informed him that she had "conservative views" about sex.
All the while gettin' Sam's rocks off while making Robert wait his turn.
Okay - for the last time - the poster I was correcting was talking about how she was STILL ACTIVELY CHEATING ON HIM. AS IF THIS WAS GOING ON RIGHT NOW. That's all folks. And do I regret pointing this out to him? Yes, yes I really really do.
I don't blame RObert a bit for testing the OP. I would too, I'd want to see how much she was willing to lie, too. We've already established she's a liar, now, before he marries her, Robert wants to know how MUCH she's willing to lie, so he can make an informed decision about her. Based on what she's written, her only remorse is having been caught.
The sex is nothing. To me that's a red herring. The lying, and the willingness to continue to lie are the problems. I mean, if he cannot trust her that far, can he trust her at all?
My answer is no.
the real problem is the OP thought she'd be OK with a man who has conservative views on sex that conflict with her own
the lying came naturally after that. everybody lies at some point. robert lied when he said he was thinking about sam as the best man when in fact all he was thinking about was sam Mod cut: inappropriate language. i'd wager good money that he told a fib or two about his own sexual history if he's comfortable enough with lying to put this whole little sting operation in motion
i don't think either will win any prizes for their conduct here but if robert thinks this is about lying, then he's wrong. it's about sex and having different morals
Some people want to argue this on social theory while some are actually taking note of stated facts.
This akin to meeting a girl in church and showing up to the wedding and finding out the bride is a pornstar and the Best Man is Ron Jeremy...
wow. how are these at all akin? a girl who has a few ONSs is equivalent to a porn star
also, i wouldn't be surprised if this guy already knew she had slept with sam when he asked her about her past. which makes the whole thing even more nuts
OP, for what it's worth coming from an old broad with a lifetime of experience, this may be the last thing you want to hear but I think you should take some time out and seriously reconsider this relationship with Robert and your plans to marry him (presuming that's still in the offing).
You said initially that his upbringing was considerably more conservative than yours. Sometimes that can work but more often than not it doesn't - and you've just found out one of the reasons it doesn't.
It's not important that Sam blew the whistle. I don't think it's overly important that you even had a fling with Sam in the first place or even that you tried to cover it up as I think your intent in doing so was in essence quite honorable and designed to not cause hurt. What's important, in my opinion, is that (a) you felt the need to try and cover it up and (b) Robert's reaction.
Knowing about it, he nonetheless sat on that knowledge to see what would happen, testing you. His whole moral fiber rebels against FWB relationships and that's his prerogative. But that basic conservatism is going to be rolled out throughout your married life and is not going to mesh with your more liberal upbringing and views.
I know this is hard but take some time. You need to get a better perspective. All the best.
the smart thing for the gal to do would have been, when robert first asked, said something along the lines of "i don't really feel comfortable talking about this" until she actually felt comfortable about it, and then telling the truth
the smart thing for the guy to do would have been, whenever he found out she slept with his friend, to either 1) break up with her (if he didn't want to try to make it work) or 2) say something like, "i know you slept with sam, we need to be able to be truthful about difficult subjects with each other and i want you to feel comfortable talking about these kinds of things with me" (if he wanted it to work)
it also would have been smart for him to not ask questions that he didn't want the honest answer to
instead they both acted pretty immaturely
Mod cut: Off topic.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-08-2013 at 03:07 PM..
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