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Girls have the ability to literally pick and choose.
Inflated egos.
Sense of importance and value.
100 messages from guys on PoF. Most who are good fellas, yet those well thought up first messages go unread.
Tinder... a girl will match every guy she swipes right for.
10-15 years ago, girls would not have this false sense of celebrity. Guys are the ones that pick and choose. The one with the biggest balls will go up to a girl, and she will be nervous and flattered.
Girls would hope for attention, they would hope for a guy to compliment them or say hi, or ask them out.
--- now they get it left and right, and if they want to boost their ego they'll make an account on any of the PoF type sites or dating apps.
Long gone are the days of that shy girl. Girls feeling like sht make a post on Facebook, 5 girlfriends come to comfort, and 30 white knights, and boom, they go from feeling like sht, to feeling they are the sht.
Don't mean to sound whiny, just kinda stating how it is. Finding a girl through any of these mediums is pretty difficult unless you are pretty attractive/lucky. I consider myself fairly attractive and I've barely had any luck.
Seems like your best bet is to have a good social circle and get a gf through there.
I don't need online dating to have an inflated ego, I have a pretty strong ego already
Okay, I say that in jest, but there is some truth to it. I don't need validation from random men because I am pretty proud of my life and what I've done so far. And I am happy.
Going back to the subject, I don't think online dating is all that good for either sex. I think some people find use and are successful with it. But I think the majority are frustrated by it. And I fall guilty to this too... but I think some people feel that they pay for a service, they should get results. I didn't and therefore, I hated it. I tried it for a total of 5 months and quit for good.
Sure, I got a lot of messages. But there were a lot of con men (Google 419 scams). Then there were the casual sex hook ups including solicitations for 3-ways--I am interested in a relationship, not casual sex with strangers. And with the exception of one man, all the dates I got out of online dating where men with mental issues, anger issues, or were cheating on someone--and that was after filtering out the ones who were very obviously just after sex, were jerks, or had mental issues in chat.
I was duped once by a married man (luckily for me he was a chatter box and he said a few things that lead me to ask, "wait, are you married?") and another man who I think was cheating too (said I couldn't call him, he wanted to call me because it was a "guy thing"... no, it sounds like a "you don't want someone to know a woman is calling you" thing). One guy seemed really nice and normal, but the entire date was him bad mouthing his Ex-wife (and I learned a lot of slang for female anatomy on that date). There was the man who called me "old" and insulted me on our date and then tried to land a sloppy kiss on me... uh, no. I could go on. There was one nice date with a nice man. But he turned out to be in a different stage of life and (here's the big one) he just found his job was moving overseas. We had a nice date and enjoyed each other's company though.
I am sure there are good men like that one date online--a lot of the men on this forum seem like good men and they've tried online. Plus, I know a few of my male friends tried it. But those good men are hard to find and I was paying a lot of money to be on dating sites to be spammed by scammers, the sex starved, and men with issues. It's almost overwhelming. Good men, hear me on this one: Those men are the enemy of the good men. They dilute your messages and attempts to reach women.
I gave up online dating. Offline I still get approached (albeit a lot less) but I will take less over the nightmare that is online dating. Plus, I like a man who has the confidence to walk up and speak to me. I could be wrong, but just the fact that he has the confidence to speak to a woman in public gives me the impression that they aren't riddled with insecurities and assumptions about women that I ran into online. That does a lot for his attraction factor with me. And the Op is right, I am flattered when a man walks up to me and introduces himself. Who wouldn't be flattered to be approached by the opposite sex?
All that said, I also agree with the OP on the social media thing and people using it for an ego boost. Both men and women do it--I have one guy friend who is "woe is me" after every break-up. Then he posts videos of him playing depressing songs on his guitar. I figure some people must need that to get out of their slumps--and I am a friend, so what are friends for if not to help pull you out of a slump. He is using it for an ego boost, but there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion. He's a nice guy and if he needs to be reminded of that every now and then, I am happy to do it. Personally, I couldn't do it. When I am in a slump I just listen to a lot of Weird Al music or something... but hey, we are all different.
Sometimes I think online dating has reduced the amount of flirting in everday life. Instead of single people keeping their eyes open in the grocery store, bookstore, dog park, or any other public space, now they are more closed-off. Why? Perhaps they kind of feel taken because they are emailing 2 or 3 (or more) contacts from online sources.
Or similarly, maybe John or Cathy stay in Friday night to catch up on online dating communications instead of going to the happy hour.
So if online dating works (leads to a LTR) it works, but if/when it doesn't, I think it just one more example of technology squeezing the humanity out of people.
Sure some are looking for a relationship. I'm not denying that nor is anyone else but many aren't. Maybe the guy who gets no messages is picky like he is 45 and obese and wants 25 and thin.
Yeah, but, speaking for myself, I've written countless meaningful messages with no response. Mind you, many of these women would not be considered all that "hot" by society's standards. I'm not that picky.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I am sure there are good men like that one date online--a lot of the men on this forum seem like good men and they've tried online. Plus, I know a few of my male friends tried it. But those good men are hard to find and I was paying a lot of money to be on dating sites to be spammed by scammers, the sex starved, and men with issues. It's almost overwhelming. Good men, hear me on this one: Those men are the enemy of the good men. They dilute your messages and attempts to reach women.
True, but it's also seems that many women are enemies of the good men also. Unfortunately, some women get caught up in the shirtless pictures, arrogant e-bravado and height requirement to at least give the good ones a chance. It's always interesting to see a woman's profile stating somewhere that they're "tired of the games" or something. I'd love to see who these women are responding to make them feel that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I gave up online dating. Offline I still get approached (albeit a lot less) but I will take less over the nightmare that is online dating. Plus, I like a man who has the confidence to walk up and speak to me. I could be wrong, but just the fact that he has the confidence to speak to a woman in public gives me the impression that they aren't riddled with insecurities and assumptions about women that I ran into online. That does a lot for his attraction factor with me. And the Op is right, I am flattered when a man walks up to me and introduces himself. Who wouldn't be flattered to be approached by the opposite sex?
At this point, I've also given up on online dating. I've decided to swallow my pride and risk rejection while out and about or in the bars. What's funny is that the day that I decided this (last Saturday), I've gotten the numbers of two different girls and even hung out with one. This is a much better way to go lol.
Yeah, but, speaking for myself, I've written countless meaningful messages with no response. Mind you, many of these women would not be considered all that "hot" by society's standards. I'm not that picky.
But maybe you are more than you realize. Not saying this is you but many men say they contacted a less than hot woman but are still contacting women much more attractive than them.
However this might not be the case and you might just not have luck on dating sites. I had trouble too which is why I gave up.
From what I hear from my regular looking female friends, they dont have it so well either.
That is a lie, Im sure these women have their go to go guy to sleep around with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrVanNostren
Not sure that girls have the ability to 'pick and choose' more than they used to, or any more than guys have the ability to now play the numbers game to a larger degree. I think internet dating has been beneficial to both genders for those who enjoy it.
Girls feeling like sht make a post on Facebook, 5 girlfriends come to comfort, and 30 white knights, and boom, they go from feeling like sht, to feeling they are the sht.
I strongly agree with this. We live in an era where 'everyone is beautiful'...except they're not. Instead we should be taught "Some people may think you're beautiful, others may not. There are people out there better-looking than you. Looks are only part of what you are. How you carry and conduct yourself counts as well".
I also agree that the best bet is to have a good social circle. I have a very strong social circle, great group of guy friends, and we meet women all the time.
I have to agree on this, women do hold the power of pick and choose, but they don't have the options such as men do these days. Not only that everyone wants to look and feel beautiful, people also want to be happy and fulfilled with what they have or got instead of being content or satisfied. The thing is that happiness does not last forever and then people move on to the next. Its true about the social circle, that is the best way to meet women instead of online dating. These days if I know I'm not going to make a woman happy initially because she don't find me physically attractive or there is no connection or chemistry, I just move on and let it go, but hey she is missing out on a great guy!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bert Peters
Girls have the ability to literally pick and choose.
Inflated egos.
Sense of importance and value.
100 messages from guys on PoF. Most who are good fellas, yet those well thought up first messages go unread.
Tinder... a girl will match every guy she swipes right for.
10-15 years ago, girls would not have this false sense of celebrity. Guys are the ones that pick and choose. The one with the biggest balls will go up to a girl, and she will be nervous and flattered.
Girls would hope for attention, they would hope for a guy to compliment them or say hi, or ask them out.
--- now they get it left and right, and if they want to boost their ego they'll make an account on any of the PoF type sites or dating apps.
Long gone are the days of that shy girl. Girls feeling like sht make a post on Facebook, 5 girlfriends come to comfort, and 30 white knights, and boom, they go from feeling like sht, to feeling they are the sht.
Don't mean to sound whiny, just kinda stating how it is. Finding a girl through any of these mediums is pretty difficult unless you are pretty attractive/lucky. I consider myself fairly attractive and I've barely had any luck.
Seems like your best bet is to have a good social circle and get a gf through there.
My thing is this, online dating is for average or even blow average women who have trouble dating to meet attractive guys. If your an average Joe online dating will be a struggle for you, especially if your twenty something. I was told online dating works better for those who are much more older than does you are young, social and mobile. My best bet for the op is to get out more and try to work on social skills or try to assimilate into a social group. Sometimes you can even be friendzoned by a woman but she the woman may have single female friends who need boyfriends and she might be able to suite you with her friend or friends.
Girls have the ability to literally pick and choose.
Inflated egos.
Sense of importance and value.
100 messages from guys on PoF. Most who are good fellas, yet those well thought up first messages go unread.
Tinder... a girl will match every guy she swipes right for.
10-15 years ago, girls would not have this false sense of celebrity. Guys are the ones that pick and choose. The one with the biggest balls will go up to a girl, and she will be nervous and flattered.
Girls would hope for attention, they would hope for a guy to compliment them or say hi, or ask them out.
--- now they get it left and right, and if they want to boost their ego they'll make an account on any of the PoF type sites or dating apps.
Long gone are the days of that shy girl. Girls feeling like sht make a post on Facebook, 5 girlfriends come to comfort, and 30 white knights, and boom, they go from feeling like sht, to feeling they are the sht.
Don't mean to sound whiny, just kinda stating how it is. Finding a girl through any of these mediums is pretty difficult unless you are pretty attractive/lucky. I consider myself fairly attractive and I've barely had any luck.
Seems like your best bet is to have a good social circle and get a gf through there.
Try Telephone Dating, I joined a Telephone Dating site in July and it's led to 2 dates later this month.
And what's good about it is your voice is what does all the work since no picture is involved
Ego boost? Ah, right. In 6 months of online dating I've had the following experiences with guys:
- someone tell me at 5'9 and 135, I'm too fat to call myself "average" in terms of body type
- someone text me for weeks only to stand me up when we finally set up a date
- several dates with someone who suddenly got "sinusitis" and disappeared
- Someone who, when I declined another date, said he was sending me a bill for half the cost of the dinner I ate during our date
- After messaging a few times, he said he couldn't continue messaging because he had to go "rub one out" in the shower
Yes, after all that, I have a HUGE ego now.
I did have a few good experiences, and did eventually meet a great guy, but I strongly disagree about the ego thing (and I am not ugly or a b--tch either, in case you're wondering why I would be treated that way.)
Ego boost? Ah, right. In 6 months of online dating I've had the following experiences with guys:
- someone tell me at 5'9 and 135, I'm too fat to call myself "average" in terms of body type
- someone text me for weeks only to stand me up when we finally set up a date
- several dates with someone who suddenly got "sinusitis" and disappeared
- Someone who, when I declined another date, said he was sending me a bill for half the cost of the dinner I ate during our date
- After messaging a few times, he said he couldn't continue messaging because he had to go "rub one out" in the shower
Yes, after all that, I have a HUGE ego now.
I did have a few good experiences, and did eventually meet a great guy, but I strongly disagree about the ego thing (and I am not ugly or a b--tch either, in case you're wondering why I would be treated that way.)
Wow those are some psycho men. I've had random losers contact me to be nasty too and 5'9 and 135 is far from fat. Let me guess he was a fattie himself?
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