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I'm traditional, so I really don't believe in cohabitation. What's the fun of starting a new life together if you are already living the same life before you say " I do" ? There really is no transition but a piece of paper as so many claim.
If you're already living as a married couple and life is grand, then you already KNOW that getting that marriage certificate won't change anything..just make it more "legal" I guess...It's sometimes the people who don't know what it's like to live with their chosen partner that run into trouble when they marry first before they've had the chance to know if they actually can live peacefully and respectfully together..if starting "a new life together" is fun...what makes you think that living together before marriage isn't?..The trick to a lasting marriage is to have fun throughout it, not just at the start-up.
The handle is a joke, I haven't been a "kid" in a while.
I'm glad that I didn't have to share a room with a new stepbrother, that's for sure. I asked them once if they would have moved in sooner and they said probably but they wanted to avoid an all-out war. Going from 2 people to 4 in a typical NYC apartment would have been a big change. On the plus side my mom spent a lot of nights with him so I had plenty of freedom as a teenager (which was both good and bad, I guess).
Bringing this back on topic, they lived together for at least 5 years before they decided to get married.
LOL, I didn't mean you are a kid now, only that you are "a kid" of a woman who decided to wait to live with the man she was in love with.
I'm traditional, so I really don't believe in cohabitation. What's the fun of starting a new life together if you are already living the same life before you say " I do" ? There really is no transition but a piece of paper as so many claim.
I think that is exactly the appeal for many couples.
I did a ton ton ton of research on my recent car purchase. I had 2 models picked out that I was interested in, just from hours pouring over the internet. I already knew I liked the big stuff--the size, the style, the mpg, the features offered. When I test drove, I wasn't looking for reasons to buy the car, I was looking for reasons not to by the car. "Ooh, this one has a cupholder in a weird spot" or "I don't like that button layout".
Similarly, I had done a ton of "research" on my husband before marriage. We had dated for over 2.5 years before we tied the knot. I had seen what he was like stressed, upset, happy, content, because we'd dated long enough to see life's curves thrown at us. I had spent significant time with his family, and knew that I got along great with them as well (which was important to me). I saw the way he treated those around him, watched him as a poor college senior tip servers well at restaurants and support the charities on campus. I knew he was a kind, loving individual who had maintained relationships with friends from years ago. He loved children, animals, and his aging grandparents. He'd seen me at my worst and thought no less of me.
Living with him before marriage would have been me looking for the "bad button layouts" in his personality. "I don't like the way he falls asleep with a book on his face" or "Ugh, can't he do dishes more often?" I didn't want to look for those things. Iwanted to marry him, not find excuses to not marry him. I had a list of dating deal breakers that I knew I couldn't live with. I had checked off all those deal breakers by about 6 months into our relationship. Everything else is just gravy.
I think it is the exception rather than the rule that people find out major, life changing things after moving in together (whether marriage or just cohabitation). And then, how long are you going to live together before you're convinced they aren't hiding anything anymore? At what point do you say, okay, I'm convinced! I know that personally, I would keep digging for reasons to run away, whether they were there or not.
There has been some research which indicates cohabitation prior to marriage actually results in a greater likelihood of dirorce compared to marriage which wasn't preceeded by cohabitation.
I do want to say that while we didn't live together and it's turned out awesome for us, I have no reason to think people shouldn't live together before marriage. If they want to, great. I just don't think it should feel like a necessity.
With the "pickiness" of people these days (as with many of the threads stated as such right here in CD land) it may not be such a bad idea to live together before marriage, but there are also drawbacks that I won't get into as it turns into different subjects.
We didn't live together before marriage. I can't see doing it any differently for me. I don't care what others do.
Where living together doesn't work, in my opinion, is when people move in together out of convenience(could be for economic reasons) before the relationship is really on solid ground.
I guess what I am saying is while living together can help in some situations. It's not foolproof. And don't fall into the thinking that living together is marriage preparation. It's not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kin Atoms
The relationships are different (marriage and co-habitation) anyway and do not compare with each other. There is really nothing to learn.
So, what's the difference?
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