Do you ask men out? (marriage, cheating, engagement, advice)
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Isn't that what dating is for? To get to know someone? How many times have we heard on here a female poster say, they met a guy and he was cute and they went out, and he turned out to be "a d bag" "he expected me to go dutch on the first date" "he sleept with me and never called again"? So cleary when women first meet men they are also going by just looks initially.
Other women might, I don't. I don't deny that other women do things differently, I've been speaking to what I do and how I feel and trying to point out that all women don't think with one collective mind like the Borg. I like to get to know a man little before the date. Not being able to do that is one of the reasons why online dating didn't work for me. My method is much slower, but the quality of dates is much higher.
Isn't that what dating is for? To get to know someone? How many times have we heard on here a female poster say, they met a guy and he was cute and they went out, and he turned out to be "a d bag" "he expected me to go dutch on the first date" "he sleept with me and never called again"? So cleary when women first meet men they are also going by just looks initially.
Personally, I only dated people I already knew to some extent. I never went out with someone who ended up being a d-bag or who slept with me and never called me again.
Personally, I only dated people I already knew to some extent. I never went out with someone who ended up being a d-bag or who slept with me and never called me again.
This is an interesting point, because we get guys on this forum complaining that women never give them a chance. You only date men you already knew and your quality of dating was much higher. For me, I gave men a chance and didn't 'judge' and it turns out a large majority of the men I went out with turned out to be D-bags.
Really, being picky and taking it slow is the way to go..otherwise you end up dating a bunch of a-holes and become jaded to the whole process. Giving people chances is generally not a good idea.
This is an interesting point, because we get guys on this forum complaining that women never give them a chance. You only date men you already knew and your quality of dating was much higher. For me, I gave men a chance and didn't 'judge' and it turns out a large majority of the men I went out with turned out to be D-bags.
Really, being picky and taking it slow is the way to go..otherwise you end up dating a bunch of a-holes and become jaded to the whole process. Giving people chances is generally not a good idea.
What do you mean her quality of dating was much higher? She still ended up breaking up with all but one of those dudes she already knew before she dated them.
Her ex-boyfriend's may not have been jerks but she broke up with those dudes anyway.
What do you mean her quality of dating was much higher? She still ended up breaking up with all but one of those dudes she already knew before she dated them.
Her ex-boyfriend's may not have been jerks but she broke up with those dudes anyway.
So? There's a big difference between just not being right for each other and being a D-bag.
So? There's a big difference between just not being right for each other and being a D-bag.
Not really.
Scenario 1: you meet a guy you don't know and get into a relationship. He ends up being a "D-bag". You break up. Conclusion: you wasted your time on someone who isn't your soul mate.
Scenario 2: you wait to get to know a guy before getting into a relationship. He ends up being incompatible for some other reason than being a "D-bag". You break up. Conclusion: you wasted your time on someone who isn't your soul mate.
The end result in both scenarios is the same.
So she spent all that time being picky and choosy and waiting to get to know a guy before dating, but she was just as wrong about her choice for a compatible mate as you were with the "D-bags" you met.
What do you mean her quality of dating was much higher? She still ended up breaking up with all but one of those dudes she already knew before she dated them.
Her ex-boyfriend's may not have been jerks but she broke up with those dudes anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey
So? There's a big difference between just not being right for each other and being a D-bag.
Yeah - they were great guys - they just weren't right for me. I never dated any a-holes. The guys that I had relationships with were all good people.
Scenario 1: you meet a guy you don't know and get into a relationship. He ends up being a "D-bag". You break up. Conclusion: you wasted your time on someone who isn't your soul mate.
Scenario 2: you wait to get to know a guy before getting into a relationship. He ends up being incompatible for some other reason than being a "D-bag". You break up. Conclusion: you wasted your time on someone who isn't your soul mate.
The end result in both scenarios is the same.
So she spent all that time being picky and choosy and waiting to get to know a guy before dating, but she was just as wrong about her choice for a compatible mate as you were with the "D-bags" you met.
I didn't spend any time being picky and choosy. I haven't really been single since I was 17. And the difference between being incompatible with someone and dating a d-bag is huge. I was never verbally abused, physically abused, treated horribly, etc. I don't have huge trust issues and I've always been treated fairly well. These guys weren't perfect - but they were good people and I didn't have to waste my time trying to get over some a-hole who made me feel like men are scum.
I didn't spend any time being picky and choosy. I haven't really been single since I was 17. And the difference between being incompatible with someone and dating a d-bag is huge. I was never verbally abused, physically abused, treated horribly, etc. I don't have huge trust issues and I've always been treated fairly well. These guys weren't perfect - but they were good people and I didn't have to waste my time trying to get over some a-hole who made me feel like men are scum.
Maybe I just have good taste.
You haven't been single since you were 17? Oh, pfft. We're talking about adult dating here. We're not taking about dating when you were in high school.
You haven't been single since you were 17? Oh, pfft. We're talking about adult dating here. We're not taking about dating when you were in high school.
I'm not talking about dating in high school. I was with my first boyfriend from 17-22, and we dated other people for the last couple years. Then I met my ex-fiance, broke up with my boyfriend, and was with him until I was 25. Then I met my husband and I've been with him since then.
My point was that I wasn't sitting around waiting for Prince Charming and rejecting every guy that came my way because I was ultra picky.
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