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That's the main reason I have a strong dislike for Christianity. It does too much to keep people from being happy and living life the way they want to. While you need to be intelligent enough to figure this out on your own, some people are just more easily led than others.
Anyways...
Most women are like that. Very emotional in some sense and aren't very clear on their intentions/confused. I'd say she was never 'head over hills' for you, but she was attracted, however combine events that was going on that easily influenced her, it just wasn't going to end well. Again, like with the religion thing, you should have stepped away when your persistance wasn't working on her. If it wasn't going anywhere after a few months, she probably realized that it never was and probably thought you would realize that too, and was trying to be nice in order to protect your feelings until you figured it out on your own.
Just curious...
Would you ever say, "I have a strong dislike for the sun. It just does too much to give people cancer" There are so many many benefits from the sun, and without it life on this planet could not exist. So don't blame the sun for the ways people have misused it. Likewise with Christianity.
I also can't agree that "most women are like" the OP's girlfriend.
The position he finds himself in now is all on him. Until he takes the time and effort to figure out WHY he made the choices he did, then learns to forgive himself for those choices, he will never be free of this pain. I sincerely wish him well with that.
Would you ever say, "I have a strong dislike for the sun. It just does too much to give people cancer" There are so many many benefits from the sun, and without it life on this planet could not exist. So don't blame the sun for the ways people have misused it. Likewise with Christianity.
I also can't agree that "most women are like" the OP's girlfriend.
The position he finds himself in now is all on him. Until he takes the time and effort to figure out WHY he made the choices he did, then learns to forgive himself for those choices, he will never be free of this pain. I sincerely wish him well with that.
Thank you, LoveMountains. I think you are the only in this thread so far I have dealt with elsewhere in my other incarnation. LOL...I appreciate our last segment there.
JThere are so many many benefits from the sun, and without it life on this planet could not exist. So don't blame the sun for the ways people have misused it. Likewise with Christianity.
life couldn't exist without christianity?
hyperbole much? i get your point but that's a terrible metaphor
From what I'm reading, you expected your relationship to be much like how religion was when you were younger. It's not going to save you from yourself, and it's not going to fix your problems.
I just wanted to clarify something. You cheated on your wife in order to be with your now ex-girlfriend? I don't believe too much in karma, but I think we get back what we project. Mentally checked out of a relationship or not, end the darn thing before getting into another relationship. You entered this relationship messy, so it's probably going to end the same way. If I misread, my apologies.
I'm going to ask you to try really hard to stop asking questions, because they will not be answered the way you want them, and there is no use for them. You'll want to go over the moments, again and again, hoping that they will make sense. But they won't. Don't let them haunt you.
I do have a recommendation. Be alone. Not forever, just until you feel mentally and emotionally ready for something. This could take months or a year (or more) depending on how aggressive you are in the pursuit of your own happiness. Life is messy, unsettling, and overwhelming. If you don't have yourself to come back to after breakups and meltdowns, what else is there?
About the same time I left, my girlfriend started to press for her last years of school which presented its share of stress. To make matter worse, when she finally graduated, she was not able to get her degree because of an outstanding balance. She became depressed and just did not want the company at times and so, as not to crowd her and despite my subtle unaggressive push to still see her at times, I honored her requests not to stop by without her permission, as not wanting to crowd her. As a result, we started not seeing each for months at a time, BUT we spoke with each other every day, numerous times, sometimes up to 6 or 7 times or more. In addition, we shared a common “business” so we talked very much and we did meet up from time to time. I constantly reassured her and when we met, I spent most of the conversation expressing my love for her and commenting, kindly, an every visible item I could see from her eyes down to her toes, as well as her clothing and fragrance. There was NEVER a time when she was not told how much she was loved or how much she was appreciated in person, by phone or my some internet means.
After this, I began to notice that my girlfriend began to act a little distant even with the phone calls, this despite that just a month earlier she was talking about going on vacation with me and having a romantic getaway. She was the one insisting on this. In addition, when the new school year began (she is a teacher) and she now had her own classroom, training was over and she felt more comfortable, I decided to turn on the charm. When I tried to bring flowers by (as surprise) she had to head to another location. When I suggested lunch, she told me she had a dental appointment which turned out to be the following week. When I sent her a test on the day before the hopeful lunch date she said she did not get it and then when the day came for the lunch date, she said she forgot about it. This was a week BEFORE she lowered the boom. This behavior lasted into the next week and then came the end. I received a call from her telling me she was ending the relationship and she stated 4 reasons why; none involving infidelity, bad habits, abuse of my children or her children or other such things.
Break-ups are tough. No doubt about that.
Your thread title says "blind sided" but the parts I highlighted above are clear signs that your relationship was headed in a downward spiral. I'm an outsider looking in, so it's easier for me to see this than you as you were too close and likely, blinded by love.
I don't think the ex-boyfriend is the reason why you split. Perhaps reestablishing contact with him made her realize that she is trying to force feelings for you, feelings that should come naturally, but just aren't there anymore
You continue to refer to her as your girlfriend. She's now your ex-girlfriend, so start referring to her as your ex. Nurse your broken heart, let her go, and begin healing.
Your thread title says "blind sided" but the parts I highlighted above are clear signs that your relationship was headed in a downward spiral. I'm an outsider looking in, so it's easier for me to see this than you as you were too close and likely, blinded by love.
I don't think the ex-boyfriend is the reason why you split. Perhaps reestablishing contact with him made her realize that she is trying to force feelings for you, feelings that should come naturally, but just aren't there anymore
You continue to refer to her as your girlfriend. She's now your ex-girlfriend, so start referring to her as your ex. Nurse your broken heart, let her go, and begin healing.
Thanks! Very wise words and salient points..
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There are so many many benefits from the sun, and without it life on this planet could not exist. So don't blame the sun for the ways people have misused it. Likewise with Christianity.
I should have worded my thoughts a bit more carefully (I was in a rush), but I think our OP got what I meant!
