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You might not think you have a sexual interest, but you do seem to take pride in one-upping the wife. Sign of an insecure female, and wives don't care for insecure females.
Married men with poor boundaries sure do. Since you seem to be completely naïve, even if YOU don't think this would lead to anything, there is no grown man alive who would risk his marriage and work reputation for the sake of chatting with you about current events over a beer. You might be flattered to think otherwise, but you need a bit more experience
Wow, it's amazing how everyone has a problem except the wife who is making all the demands. I guess she's just the only one who is smart enough to know what to do.
I also don't see where many people are saying married folks can't have any friends of the opposite sex. But in the case of the OP, the wife of the man she claims to be friends with clearly has a problem with her. It's not some sweeping problem we are talking about, but rather one specific case.
A lot of you are defending the wife without even knowing her. You don't know her. I have met her and I've spoken to her on the phone a few times. I also know more about her from what my friend says about her. So I don't really respect her. She has not shown me respect, so why should I respect her? If she was nice to me and explained her point to me in a reasonable way, I might respect her. We could have discussed the situation rationally and we could have come to an understanding about things. But I can't respect a bully. Bullies should not be enabled.
My friend and I both are comfortable with our friendship and have no problem with it. The only one with the problem is his wife. He has tried to appease her, but he does not want to give up his friendships just because she throws a tantrum. And she has been rude to his male friends also, not just me. Again, bully mentalities are not ok with me. She just doesn't like to go out and do things with him. Apparently, they don't like to do the same things. There is nothing wrong with hanging out with a friend who does like to do the same things. I think his wife is just threatened by me because I have more in common with him than she does. That doesn't mean anything sexual or romantic will happen. I know it would never happen. However, she is going about it all wrong. Like I said, she only wants her way. She only wanted to insult and berate. She doesn't want to discuss anything like mature adults and come to an mutual understanding.
Every last dotted "i" and crossed "t" that you say about her might be correct, but through the actions you describe you are disrespecting her marriage, and no one seems to be able to help you realize that. The husband is wrong for insisting on a friendship outside the marriage that the wife doesn't approve of. He is disrespecting his wife and his marriage. The only reason he may be doing this is to express ambivalence about being in this marriage, and if he wasn't friends with you, he would be friends with some other attractive young woman as an outlet. Realize this and don't get caught up. I believe you are harboring some secret hopes and wishes that you will one day get to be more than a friend to this man. Hopes and wishes so deep you cannot even admit them to yourself, so when people say "back off" it upsets you. Married men to go women outside the marriage and cry on other women's shoulders about their wives all the time...but they right back inside the marriage and plod along and stay MARRIED to the woman he complains about. If it is to end, you would not want that on your head that your relationship with that man is what severed that tie. Let him do it on his own if he decides to with NO interference, manipulation or enticement from you.
That's incorrect. You can't just say "people disagree with me because society has made a mockery of marriage." I'm a very strong proponent of marriage. That doesn't mean that you can't have opposite gender friends in marriage. If you feel that way, that only signals your own personal distrust of people, so you're the one who is making a mockery of marriage. If marriage is so tenuous that merely having a female friend threatens it, then I'd switch my position and say "yeah, actually marriage is a joke."
Some married couples are okay opposite gender friends. Some are not. What matters most is what husband and wife each feel about this and are most comfortable with. The people on the outside may count, but not where the marriage is concerned. The feelings of Ms Just Friends or Ms Might Want To Be More does NOT matter more than the wife's feelings and preferences about the friends issue.
The view old threads thing is an interesting little tool.
OP you have boundary issues, quit trying to schlup your co-workers and grow up. You can't control his poor behaviour but you can clean up your side of the street before you make a fool of yourself.
I'm sorry but you and your "friend" sound really selfish. Where do you come off saying she should be nice and that it could have been discussed rationally? In your initial post you stated that it was discussed and she said to back off. What more is there to discuss? Seems both of you are defiant and just don't give a crap about her feelings. I'd be nasty too.
My concern is the comment about "It's not you I'm worried about". What did she mean by that? Has he cheated on her?
He does care about her feelings, which is why he has tried over and over to appease her. We did not discuss anything. I was trying to make her see that we were just friends and she just insulted and berated me. There was no discussion.
But my friend tells me his wife changed his mind about the concert. She will be coming with us after all. Maybe she is going to try.
Cheating is not always about sex. The emotional aspect of cheating is as bad. While you and your co-worker may see it something being innocent, it is not in the long run. Sooner or later, either one of you will begin to have feelings for one another. It may not be obvious because both of you may not have that intention but if it's obvious to others, your relationship with your co-worker is a bit too close..
Ah, I don't think you'll get a clue even if we get to 50 pages.
This is one of those hard lessons you are going to have to learn on your own then. I don't think your parents ever explicitly taught you this lesson in life - if a married man hurts his wife to talk to you (or have drinks with you, whatever), then he's not your "friend". It means he doesn't think very much of you at all, but he'll tell you the sun and moon because you'll listen. You'll learn this one soon enough.
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