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It's ok. If he didn't want to be friends with me anymore, I'd understand. I'd let it go. I would walk away. I don't need fairweather friends. Friends who give up friends over stupid misunderstandings are fickle and fairweather friends. Only cowards do that. I am not any of those things. He does want to be friends with me. He doesn't want to have to lose a friend over silly misunderstandings. It's his wife's problem though and she knows and hopefully we will be able to clear everything up.
So, you need your married friends permission to stand up and be a woman, instead of a little girl playing with fire? Fire is not ice cubes, honey. The woman said to back off from her man. He IS HER man. The wife has that right.
I am in a business that's two-thirds women. If I restricted my work friendships to guys, I wouldn't have that many professional contacts or professional friendships.
It isn't that close proximity to a colleague/friend of the opposite sex is the issue. It's the level of comfort his spouse feels with you. The fact that he's invited your over to his house for dinner should tell you that his intentions are honorable, but you also need to respect the insecurity his wife might be feeling. After all, you don't know what goes on behind doors. So this is all on him. And if his wife is getting antsy, then having lunch in a public place rather than beers after work is the much better course of action.
I'll give you an instance of how things could go. I have one client with whom I've worked for 15 years. I gotta say it: The woman is drop-dead gorgeous, even if she's kind of a ditz. One day, because we were having problems getting a meeting scheduled, we decided to just meet at the food court of a shopping mall and hand documents back and forth.
So there we were, laptops open, legal pads and file folders spread all over the table when I spotted an acquaintance of MrsCPG out of the corner of my eye. She was scoping us out from behind an advertising display. I kept right on working with Kim and noticed this woman circling the food court, giving us the eye. Finally after a few minutes of this, I decided to call my wife.
"You'll likely be getting a call from Connie pretty soon. She's spying on Kim and me at the food court while we're hashing out this project." Or words to that effect. My wife laughed.
"She already called. She said you're at the mall with some blonde floozy with big boobs and long legs." To which I replied, "Well, I am. But that's about it." In other words, regardless of how innocent your get-togethers appear, there's some gossip who is going to try and spin something out of it. I mean, hell, it was totally obvious that we were having a business meeting and this woman still was trying to stir the pot.
To me, communication is the key. I've been married 22 years and had drinks with attractive female colleagues, dined with attractive female colleagues, and traveled for weeks at a time with attractive female colleagues--but never had a conversation with any of them that I wouldn't have with my wife standing beside me. At the same time, I've always kept MrsCPG in the loop about who I'm with and where I am. That's all I can do. And, thankfully, I'm not married to a jealous woman.
Something to think about as you continue your friendship with this guy.
From what I have heard, his wife has done this before with our male coworker. He used to be friends with our male coworker until she accused him of stealing something and she wouldn't let him in the house. She convinced my friend that he did, but it turned up later in their basement. He knows she can be a drama queen.
Funny, that's what almost all manipulative emotional and physical wife abusers say about their spouses. THEY create the drama. THEY keep them from this and that person. You are just playing into his hands. Here you are harrassing this woman based on something HE ALONE told you. He is using you to punish his wife, and you are foolishly falling for it..And newsflash: he handpicked you for this mess because you are young and naive and trusting. He's preying on your weakness and using you like a puppet in this trainwreck of a marriage he created.
Funny, that's what almost all manipulative emotional and physical wife abusers say about their spouses. THEY create the drama. THEY keep them from this and that person. You are just playing into his hands. Here you are harrassing this woman based on something HE ALONE told you. He is using you to punish his wife, and you are foolishly falling for it..And newsflash: he handpicked you for this mess because you are young and naive and trusting. He's preying on your weakness and using you like a puppet in this trainwreck of a marriage he created.
I don't see how he is the emotional and physical abuser or manipulative. There's no evidence of that. There is evidence of his wife being manipulative and an emotional abuser. I've seen direct evidence, but go ahead and take her side. I've not just heard things from my friend, but our other co worker told me this and he is no longer friends with him because of her. Believe what you want to believe, but I have the truth and the facts.
You are causing a marriage to have problems. YOU. What are you going to do about it? Play games.."but he wants to be my friend"..blablabla.
Ok. We get it. You don't give a damn about causing someone else to have problems in their marriage. That's who you are and you own up to it. Nothing else to be said. You are who you are. And obviously can't make friends so you take what you can get and care not about anyone else.
It's actually quite comical that you think someone who is truly in an abusive/manipulative marriage would go out of their way to text you/go out drinking with a woman from work. People who are actually in abusive relationships tend to try and avoid doing things that would enrage their so-called abusers. You are the typical type of girl who falls into the other woman trap and it's because you are willing to pick up the crumbs that any straight-headed woman would walk right past.
What valid concerns? Her concern is her husband may be having an affair. He's not. End of story. Her concern is not valid because it does not exist.
Her concern not only exists, but it is very valid. It's not just about having a physical affair. It's about the crappy things he tells you about her, whether they are true or not. He's confiding in you things he really should not confide to another woman, especially a woman he knows his wife already disdains. There is a connection between the two of you and it is growing. You're becoming possisive of him toward his wife.
You're a bit over-selfish to think that her concernss are unreasonable based solely on the fact that you think they are. You rarely even mention your friend except in terms of what he says about his wife, almost to the point that this is more a competition between you and her than anything else.
I don't see how he is the emotional and physical abuser or manipulative. There's no evidence of that. There is evidence of his wife being manipulative and an emotional abuser. I've seen direct evidence, but go ahead and take her side. I've not just heard things from my friend, but our other co worker told me this and he is no longer friends with him because of her. Believe what you want to believe, but I have the truth and the facts.
Another hint in all this. You label yourself Smalltowngirl, right? If you live in a small town, do you realize how much that kind of place feeds off gossip?
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I've not just heard things from my friend, but our other co worker told me this and he is no longer friends with him because of her. Believe what you want to believe, but I have the truth and the facts.
