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Nothing will soften the blow or make it hurt less but doing it in person is respectful. It is cowardly and disrespectful to do it over the phone, text, or email.
I live 3.5 hours away from the girl I'm talking about. We pretty much never see each other during the week. I'd rather she go ahead and do it over the phone than wait a week or so to do it in person, and lie her way through all of the texts and phone conversations until then.
I've read about breaking up in a public place so that the "reaction" to the breakup can't be too extreme or dramatic unless the other person wants to lose face. And if the other person gets violent or decides to harm you in some way there are plenty of witnesses.
I think the worst think you can do is break up in the middle of a park with a huge lake, a sky dive, or mountain climb, or some other isolated place.
Ugh!!! HATE THAT. My ex did that to me - I got a morning text that we really needed to talk soon. And when I asked what about he ignored my texts all day. I think it's really crappy to do that to someone. Making someone wait all day to be dumped is not cool. I'd honestly rather them just dump me via text message than leave me in suspense all day so they can do it over the phone or in person.
I'm guilty of this. When I ended my 2 big relationships - I feel like I gave them warning. It was really, really hard for me to end things. I knew I was going to hurt them immensely and I guess I felt like it would soften the blow if I did it gradually. I guess looking back - it might have been better to just do it in one foul swoop - but I felt like if I prepared them a bit - they might not take it as hard. At the end of the day - does it really make a big difference?
When it is all said and done, there is no real perfect way to end things. I'm sure your logic in the moment had good intentions. And then add that everyone is different.
I guess the biggest thing to keep in mind IMO is not to send a lead in text or call while the person is at work when actually ending things. For me, when I know a break up is coming, AND I am at work, I wind up being very unproductive. If it is a LTR anyway. If it is less than 3 months, its different. But ideally, regardless of length of relationship, I at least get a phone call AFTER my work day has been concluded.
When my homelife is rocky or ending, and I sense it or I am stressed, it affects my work. And I know it shouldn't but it's just part of how I'm wired.
Sometimes there is no choice though.
Person 1 sends a text in the AM. "Can we talk/meet this evening?"
person 2, "Sure, what's up?"
person 1, "I just want to talk about something."
person 2, "no problem, x oclock is good."
But even then, if I think the relationship is rocky, now I'm most likely distracted ALL DAY.
When I have ended serious relationships, I try to offer no lead in. Then I call or talk. It sometimes blindsides people I think, but regardless, at least they aren't upset at work all day. Like I said, there is no perfect way.
Are you sure she's breaking up with you and just doesn't want to talk about where the relationship is going?
Like I said, you would know more than an of us OP and there might be other circumstances too that don't come across well online, but based on what you wrote, I don't see breakup in that. I just see someone talking about the relationship going to the next level. Just hate to see you get worked up over something that might not be what you think.
Since it's hard to infer a tone from a text, it could just as easily be, "I was offered a job 10 hours away, where's our relationship going? If we're going to the next step, I won't take it." So at this point I'd keep an open mind.
"Hey. Do you have time to talk tonight about something really important?"
Me: "Uh, yeah sure. Important in what way?"
Her: "Just really important things about where we stand that we need to talk about. I'd rather do this over the phone. I'll call you later tonight."
Look, really? I understand doing it over the phone, or in person, is better than going over text messages. But in situations like this, can you at least call without giving warning?
Now I'm stuck here at work unable to focus because I know this evening I'm going to have to receive the "talk."
I'd rather she just be more specific in her text message and put me out of my misery. Or else call later without giving me any stupid foreshadowing first, lol
Badly done. She was basically telling you what she was going to tell you. In person is best. But over a text is just a sign of social cluelessness.
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