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I constantly see people writing or talking about how a man wouldn't propose to a woman if he already gets everything from here being her boyfriend, or 'buying the cow if he gets the milk for free'.
They say a woman shouldn't give the guy all the benefits he would have as her husband. But what do they actually mean by that?
I know that for some people it means you shouldn't move in together before marriage- I don't agree with that. I wanna live with a guy before I marry him. But what else could they mean?
I mean, if I hold back what I want to give him (whatever it is... cooking for him, being super nice to him, doing the household together, sex practices...) I'm not showing the person I really am, and why would he marry me if I don't show him my good and caring sides before he can even decide to marry me?
Would love to hear your opinion about that. FYI: When I say 'I' and 'he' I'm just talking theoretically. Myself, I'm not planning to get married very soon.
The benefits for having a husband is financial security. In the current climate of the family court system. You could get plenty of paper out of him if you divorce him.
.. cooking for him, being super nice to him, doing the household together, sex practices...)
If you want a man to marry you, you should already be doing these things before marriage. Cooking, great sex, and a positive spirit is the way to a mans heart.
.. cooking for him, being super nice to him, doing the household together, sex practices...)
If you want a man to marry you, you should already be doing these things before marriage. Cooking, great sex, and a positive spirit is the way to a mans heart.
I agree, that's what I meant by saying that he doesn't see the full me if I hold back all these things and if I don't show that I'm marriage material. Many others seem to see it different though and say that you shouldn't give the guy everything until he marries you.
I think that thinking is antiquated (buying the cow if the milk is free) and personally I would not want to be friends with or involved with anyone who thinks that way.
I think marriage is fine if you truly are partners ... it's not 50/50 as my mother used to tell me. I have always believed marriage should be 100/100 -- that is, each spouse is 100% by him/herself, and together you are more, you add to each other but each of you is totally complete alone.
The benefits of a husband, I am now beginning to realize as I move into my 60s, are the same as the benefits of a wife or any long-term partner: with years of experience shared and a history together, I think you begin to get to the "really good stuff" -- when you're young it's all about chemistry, sex and excitement, and that's all great and should still be enjoyed as you grow older, but it's the richer stuff ... the growing old with a truly best friend who has your back and really "gets" you ... well, I think that's the good stuff I refer to.
I remember hearing that women in the 1950s went to college to get their "MRS." degree and I remember thinking even then how STUPID. I think there are lots of people who still think that way today, and I think that those people are going to be so disappointed when real life sets in...marriage is not always a romantic fairytale, it's life shared together, both the good and the bad...sometimes the good is really good, and sometimes the bad is really bad. But making it through all that with a relationship in tact and still growing, I think that's truly the benefit of having a spouse.
I was married once in my 20s, and have been single ever since my mid-30s...very happily single, but I am just now beginning to think that I would like to share my life with a man again...since I am 62, I don't plan to have any more children (LOL), and so I don't want to legally marry, but I think it would be nice to have a companion who shares my memories, outlook on life, and joy of simply living.
I constantly see people writing or talking about how a man wouldn't propose to a woman if he already gets everything from here being her boyfriend, or 'buying the cow if he gets the milk for free'.
They say a woman shouldn't give the guy all the benefits he would have as her husband. But what do they actually mean by that?
I know that for some people it means you shouldn't move in together before marriage- I don't agree with that. I wanna live with a guy before I marry him. But what else could they mean?
I mean, if I hold back what I want to give him (whatever it is... cooking for him, being super nice to him, doing the household together, sex practices...) I'm not showing the person I really am, and why would he marry me if I don't show him my good and caring sides before he can even decide to marry me?
Would love to hear your opinion about that. FYI: When I say 'I' and 'he' I'm just talking theoretically. Myself, I'm not planning to get married very soon.
I think you have to be yourself, good or bad, and so does the man. I don't think holding off on sex or living with someone if you really want to is going to make a difference later if you marry. What will make a bigger difference if you marry is if you pretend to be something you are not. When someone marries someone and then as soon as they are married they begin acting a different way that is far more destructive to the relationship and more likely to cause divorce. If I meet a man and we are intimate and his point of view turns out to be, "why buy the cow if I get the milk for free", and I want to be married to him, then the relationship is going to end anyway. A man or a woman can believe whatever they want, but that doesn't mean their SO has to put up with it and can't leave.
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