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Old 11-11-2013, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Cincinnati near
2,539 posts, read 3,509,193 times
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I have gone on a date with someone because I felt that they would not handle rejection well and I was not particularly excited about the date. She had asked me out several times but I always been able to say I had other plans. I knew that she was a bit down on herself because she had a bad meeting with her graduate advisor and she was close to being kicked out of her program. This particular time I had no excuse because I had already announced my plans for the evening, so I reluctantly agreed to take her to see a friend's band, not expecting anything to happen.

She ended up staying over at my house after the show, and she definitely instigated the physical act. I guess it could be seen as a pity date that led to sex, but I don't know if "pity sex" is the right label. I clearly remember, many years later, walking home from the show knowing that I wasn't going to make a move but also knowing that there was a very good chance that she would. I wasn't drunk or anything, but I think it was one of those decisions that is made differently in a split second at 2 AM than after careful deliberation.
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Old 11-11-2013, 10:35 AM
 
14,396 posts, read 17,261,637 times
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Originally Posted by Chemistry_Guy View Post
I have gone on a date with someone because I felt that they would not handle rejection well and I was not particularly excited about the date. She had asked me out several times but I always been able to say I had other plans. I knew that she was a bit down on herself because she had a bad meeting with her graduate advisor and she was close to being kicked out of her program. This particular time I had no excuse because I had already announced my plans for the evening, so I reluctantly agreed to take her to see a friend's band, not expecting anything to happen.

She ended up staying over at my house after the show, and she definitely instigated the physical act. I guess it could be seen as a pity date that led to sex, but I don't know if "pity sex" is the right label. I clearly remember, many years later, walking home from the show knowing that I wasn't going to make a move but also knowing that there was a very good chance that she would. I wasn't drunk or anything, but I think it was one of those decisions that is made differently in a split second at 2 AM than after careful deliberation.
Was she attractive looking?
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Old 11-11-2013, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Cincinnati near
2,539 posts, read 3,509,193 times
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Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Was she attractive looking?
Most people would describe her as average looking, but she had a somewhat abrasive personality when you first met her. She was intelligent but very awkward to converse with on non-science topics. Also, she was 27 and I was 23 but we were both second year chemistry graduate students. We are still connected on LinkedIn, but I have not seen her in 10 years.
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Old 11-11-2013, 11:02 AM
 
14,396 posts, read 17,261,637 times
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Originally Posted by Chemistry_Guy View Post
Most people would describe her as average looking, but she had a somewhat abrasive personality when you first met her. She was intelligent but very awkward to converse with on non-science topics. Also, she was 27 and I was 23 but we were both second year chemistry graduate students. We are still connected on LinkedIn, but I have not seen her in 10 years.
Why would you NOT call this pity sex then?
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Old 11-11-2013, 11:03 AM
 
Location: So Cal
40,212 posts, read 39,746,561 times
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Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Why would you NOT call this pity sex then?
I agree, that was the best example of pity sex.

He wasn't into it and felt sort of bad for the woman.
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Old 11-11-2013, 11:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I agree, that was the best example of pity sex.

He wasn't into it and felt sort of bad for the woman.
I was sincerely asking him because he said he wouldn't label it that. I would like to know why he thinks not, what he feels about it.
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Old 11-11-2013, 11:13 AM
 
Location: Cincinnati near
2,539 posts, read 3,509,193 times
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Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Why would you NOT call this pity sex then?
It was a pity date. I did not plan on sleeping with her. When I was 23 I didn't reject a woman physically unless she was extremely unattractive. There was certainly nothing physically wrong with this woman. If she had knocked on my door at 2 AM without the date things probably would have ended the same way. The whole encounter was much closer to a booty call than what you describe as pity sex.
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Old 11-11-2013, 11:20 AM
 
Location: SacTown
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She at least has to be doable or else I can't find any pity. I'm sure plenty of men are more sympathetic than me.
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Old 11-11-2013, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Cincinnati near
2,539 posts, read 3,509,193 times
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Originally Posted by soy sauce View Post
She at least has to be doable or else I can't find any pity. I'm sure plenty of men are more sympathetic than me.
Same. When we were in college/early twenties my friends and I had a not so subtle way to describe this. We determined whether a woman was a winner of the "I'd hit it" award. Whenever a new woman entered our lives (classmate, neighbor, bartender, acquaintance, etc.) we each determine for ourselves whether or not she was doable. Just because a woman was doable did not mean we would pursue her, just that we wouldn't kick her out of bed if the circumstances led to that situation. Saying "she wins the award" was our attempt to avoid offending each others' girlfriends, but I doubt we were subtle enough to fool anyone.

To me, pity sex is sleeping with a woman that would normally not win the award. Sleeping with a woman that wins the award but you are not interested in dating is just hooking up.
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Old 11-11-2013, 11:38 AM
 
14,396 posts, read 17,261,637 times
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Originally Posted by Chemistry_Guy View Post
It was a pity date. I did not plan on sleeping with her. When I was 23 I didn't reject a woman physically unless she was extremely unattractive. There was certainly nothing physically wrong with this woman. If she had knocked on my door at 2 AM without the date things probably would have ended the same way. The whole encounter was much closer to a booty call than what you describe as pity sex.
Well, now I'm wondering what booty calls are.

It sounds to me like you wouldn't have pursued this woman for sex (which some men who just want booty calls do, even if that means simply calling her up at 2am for it), but since she was the one who threw it on you, you took it. Is that right?

Last edited by srjth; 11-11-2013 at 12:09 PM..
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