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Hi everybody. I’m posting here cause I wanted to find a forum that has an equal number of women posters.
My situation is not a huge deal since I’ve only known this girl for about six months but I am pissed so I’m curious as to what your responses will be.
Here’s the deal real quick. Met a girl. We got along well. Thought she was “nice” so not too fussed when she held out on having sex. Said she wasn’t into going to bed too fast, said she wasn’t like that. OK. No problem. Took us about 2 months to get to it.
I have just found out that while “we were getting to know each other for two months” she had ongoing sex with a “friends with benefits.” I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she stopped with him when we stated having sex BUT she was having sex with him for two months while telling me she wanted to take it slow with me cause that’s the way she is and that I'm special, etc.
We all know the end game here but I have not yet confronted her with this. Before I do I want to be prepared. I’d like your ideas of how she’ll respond so that I have good counters to her justifications / explanations – whatever they may be.
I would really appreciate women’s views on this. Thanks.
Hi everybody. I’m posting here cause I wanted to find a forum that has an equal number of women posters.
My situation is not a huge deal since I’ve only known this girl for about six months but I am pissed so I’m curious as to what your responses will be.
Here’s the deal real quick. Met a girl. We got along well. Thought she was “nice” so not too fussed when she held out on having sex. Said she wasn’t into going to bed too fast, said she wasn’t like that. OK. No problem. Took us about 2 months to get to it.
I have just found out that while “we were getting to know each other for two months” she had ongoing sex with a “friends with benefits.” I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she stopped with him when we stated having sex BUT she was having sex with him for two months while telling me she wanted to take it slow with me cause that’s the way she is and that I'm special, etc.
We all know the end game here but I have not yet confronted her with this. Before I do I want to be prepared. I’d like your ideas of how she’ll respond so that I have good counters to her justifications / explanations – whatever they may be.
I would really appreciate women’s views on this. Thanks.
Try reframing this in your head, you will feel better and might just end up with a happier ending.
In other words, you say you are "pissed" and that you want to "confront" her.
Those are fighting stances.
When you are geared up for a fight you are not open to real communication.
So, is your intent to go out in a blaze of glory here, or perhaps gain better understanding about this person you may want to continue to date?
You need to keep in mind that she is not the one who told you this story about how she was having sex with her friend, so how do you know it's even true and not just a bad rumor or some other misunderstanding?
Give her a chance to tell you her side of things. Don't just assume what you've heard is true or that she was lying to you when she said you are special.
You shouldn't draw any conclusions or make any decisions on how to proceed until you've found out all the real facts.
Hi everybody. I’m posting here cause I wanted to find a forum that has an equal number of women posters.
My situation is not a huge deal since I’ve only known this girl for about six months but I am pissed so I’m curious as to what your responses will be.
Here’s the deal real quick. Met a girl. We got along well. Thought she was “nice” so not too fussed when she held out on having sex. Said she wasn’t into going to bed too fast, said she wasn’t like that. OK. No problem. Took us about 2 months to get to it.
I have just found out that while “we were getting to know each other for two months” she had ongoing sex with a “friends with benefits.” I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she stopped with him when we stated having sex BUT she was having sex with him for two months while telling me she wanted to take it slow with me cause that’s the way she is and that I'm special, etc.
We all know the end game here but I have not yet confronted her with this. Before I do I want to be prepared. I’d like your ideas of how she’ll respond so that I have good counters to her justifications / explanations – whatever they may be.
I would really appreciate women’s views on this. Thanks.
Yikes, this is a common issue that men have when dating someone new.
What is correct here?
If you two were not having sex, is it wrong for her to have sex with someone else ?
What if she had a quickie with FWB and then hung out with you soon after ?
If monogamy wasnt established, it is a grey area. Why should she stop getting laid, just cause you two are datin ?
I know I would fear that assuming she stopped with the FWB just because her and I starting being intimate.
For the most part, her behavior would potentially be a dealbreaker, especially if she gave me the good girl routine.
Why? Because I would then know she was trying to be something she is not while dating me. I want my s/o to be true to how she is with me.
If that means she is a wild woman in bed, and she needs to tear my clothes off on the first date, Ok.
But to find out she pretended to he a goood girl while being a wild woman with a FWB while we were dating? Nope. Too conflicting. I will always think she wasnt into me enough because she went to another guy to get satisfied.
Also, if she was banging the other dude while dating me, what stops her from the occasional tryst once we are intimate?
Monogamy? Love ?
Doubt it.
This is a difficult issue. But just thinking that perhaps she made out with another guy, then mere hours I am buying her dinner and making out with her ? Ugh, gross. Now I have some other guys DNA, and if I got a cold, perhaps it's cause dude was sick, and passed it to the woman, and then got me sick. Not cool.
Was she committed to you as your official girlfriend during those two months?
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
was it even discussed what you where in those two months or did you just assume you where exclusive?
This and this...
Unless you two specifically had the talk of mutually exclusive then she technically did nothing wrong, although I could see why you're bothered.
And, for all you know, she does take it slow and had with him and all they were was friends with benefits.
Personally, if I was hanging out with a girl and I wasn't going to sleep with other girls, I was going to make sure we were mutually exclusive in that regard.
Ta answer Rigo00123, No we never discussed exclusivity, so yeah, I get it. She can do whatevre she wants. Of course, so can I.
To answer LovesMountains, Yes I DO want to go out ina blaze of glory caue I feel played. I came here to get womens' views / rationales of her behavior.
To answer AverageGuy2006, yup, I agree completely. She was playing me as a sucker and as long term material while gettting it somewhere else.
Hi everybody. I’m posting here cause I wanted to find a forum that has an equal number of women posters.
My situation is not a huge deal since I’ve only known this girl for about six months but I am pissed so I’m curious as to what your responses will be.
Here’s the deal real quick. Met a girl. We got along well. Thought she was “nice” so not too fussed when she held out on having sex. Said she wasn’t into going to bed too fast, said she wasn’t like that. OK. No problem. Took us about 2 months to get to it.
I have just found out that while “we were getting to know each other for two months” she had ongoing sex with a “friends with benefits.” I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she stopped with him when we stated having sex BUT she was having sex with him for two months while telling me she wanted to take it slow with me cause that’s the way she is and that I'm special, etc.
We all know the end game here but I have not yet confronted her with this. Before I do I want to be prepared. I’d like your ideas of how she’ll respond so that I have good counters to her justifications / explanations – whatever they may be.
I would really appreciate women’s views on this. Thanks.
This is my input as a guy. 2 months is a really long time, I could see a few weeks or maybe the first month she wouldn't be confident enough in your relationship but not two months.
If you weren't officially dating at that point I'd only be kind of pissed and look past it if she was an otherwise good person.
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