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Yes, I was that person who up and moved from everything I have ever known to something completely different for their significant other.
Well, to try and make a long story short, I was a very successful, independent 28 year old living in Orange County, CA before I met who I think or thought is/was the man for me. We met back in March and did the long distance thing for a couple months before I up and moved to a very small suburb in IL. I left my job, gave up my apartment on the beach and left my family and friends behind for something I tried to prepare myself for possibly a difficult HUGE change. Well it's been even tougher than I thought. I've always been extremely logical and thought my actions through before I did them, and I completely understand now, I should have waited a bit longer or for at least a proposal. Him being from the Midwest, he wanted marriage now and to start a family now and asked me to be a stay at home wife. I thought about it for a long time and it's something I've truly always wanted, but being from CA I knew that was probably never going to be an option for me, so him wanting me to be that was kind of like a dream come true. Well, it's 4 months later and things are quite different than I ever imagined. He's not the person I thought he was, no marriage proposal, no kids, no support, no job, no friends, no family and unlike CA, this small town doesn't have a lot of opportunities (or things to do), so I'm by myself the majority of the time wondering if I made the right decision and if I didn't what I should do now. It's scary to move back with no job or place to live and I am trying everything I can to stick with this guy, but feeling a bit lost, alone and confused. Trust me, I know most people would think I made a dumb move, but I'm looking for any advice/help or maybe something similar someone else has gone through? I appreciate all the feedback!!!
Anyway, I've never been to IL, but I am sick and tired of OC, I am not that kind of person who has to be in the same place so many years. So it is okay for me to travel or relocate.
I hope you don't resent this guy because moving to his place is your decision. But your needs matters too, so be honest with your own feelings, figure out exactly what you want to do, then go from there.
I've talked to a couple of women who moved to the mid-west from CA or NYC for their guy. They hated the mid-west (people from liberal areas don't always do well there), and when the relationship fell apart, they were stuck. I'd recommend you move back to CA, where you were happy.
You said you left family and friends. Make some calls, find someone willing to take you in, and move back. If you were successful, you will be able to find work again. Heck, your prior employer may take you back.
Just get out of your present bad situation. Also, take this as a huge learning opportunity as LM suggests.
Life is an adventure. We sometimes make choices we have to question. But you can always get up and do something different. Forget going back to Cali. Go somewhere that you never imagined going. In 15 years what ever the part of the country you may find yourself, you will have had great experiences to draw from
I moved for a guy. It was my choice...I was thirty years old, looking to change careers, so after we met and started an LDR, and he asked if I'd move to his city and state. I made the transition pretty responsibly...I found a job, and made the move. Things were good, I did not feel bait-and-switched, or like I'd made a dumb move. It took five years, but our relationship in the end did not go as anticipated. But by then, I'd lived in my city/state for five years, and it had become my home. I had a good job, had spent five years making friends, becoming part of things in my city. I stayed. I could have gone back to my home state, but I'd made a life there. Because I stayed, I met my now-fiance, who had lived there his whole life. The relationship that had been the catalyst for my move, and the guy in question himself, were not the sort built to go the distance, in the end. But that didn't make my choices, the move, or my life since then a mistake. Quite the opposite.
It's been four months. Did the guy truly pull a bait-and-switch? Did you just jump the gun on what you expected from him/a relationship? Did he lie to you? Was your understanding that you'd move to be with him and immediately become engaged? Did this come from him, or from you? Are you simply homesick? Do you just not like where you are located? What plans have you made to start your new life, there? Ultimately, uprooting for ANYthing (a guy, a job, whatever) is jarring and difficult, especially if you are moving far from a known support network and have to build a new one. If you know in your gut that you are miserable with your choice and made a mistake, you can rectify it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Sorry you're not enjoying yourself. I'm from New England, but the midwest (except Indiana ) is really the most lovely place in the U.S. to live, but you went there under difficult circumstances. You may want to move home, but I'm in agreement with grump, might be time to move someplace all together new, unless you're a person that really is close to family.
Yes, I was that person who up and moved from everything I have ever known to something completely different for their significant other.
Well, to try and make a long story short, I was a very successful, independent 28 year old living in Orange County, CA before I met who I think or thought is/was the man for me. We met back in March and did the long distance thing for a couple months before I up and moved to a very small suburb in IL. I left my job, gave up my apartment on the beach and left my family and friends behind for something I tried to prepare myself for possibly a difficult HUGE change. Well it's been even tougher than I thought. I've always been extremely logical and thought my actions through before I did them, and I completely understand now, I should have waited a bit longer or for at least a proposal. Him being from the Midwest, he wanted marriage now and to start a family now and asked me to be a stay at home wife. I thought about it for a long time and it's something I've truly always wanted, but being from CA I knew that was probably never going to be an option for me, so him wanting me to be that was kind of like a dream come true. Well, it's 4 months later and things are quite different than I ever imagined. He's not the person I thought he was, no marriage proposal, no kids, no support, no job, no friends, no family and unlike CA, this small town doesn't have a lot of opportunities (or things to do), so I'm by myself the majority of the time wondering if I made the right decision and if I didn't what I should do now. It's scary to move back with no job or place to live and I am trying everything I can to stick with this guy, but feeling a bit lost, alone and confused. Trust me, I know most people would think I made a dumb move, but I'm looking for any advice/help or maybe something similar someone else has gone through? I appreciate all the feedback!!!
First of all, throw out your stereotype on "Being from the midwest he wants a family and....."
The guy you are dating told you he wanted a family, being from the midwest has nothing to do with it.
Most people want a family.
On one hand you wanted to be a SAHM, but now you're not sure you like it ? Sounds like you are homesick and have some cold feet.
I would try waiting it out a while, perhaps you get used to it, or find a job.
If the guy is different than you thought, well, thats another issue. but you should probably find something that makes you happy. And perhaps gettin out of the house and working, networking, socializing will help you with that to tie you over.
I imagine bein a SAHM without a child is boring. Unless you are addicted to Judge Judy or Springer or The Price is Right or something like that.
In the meantime, get netflicks and Hulu and enjoy some on demand programmin and perhaps get a gym membership or take a college course. That will help pass the time.
Since the bf convinced you to leave everything, tell him HE can pay for it untill you either get a job, or have a child.
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) is really the most lovely place in the U.S. to live, but you went there under difficult circumstances. You may want to move home, but I'm in agreement with grump, might be time to move someplace all together new, unless you're a person that really is close to family.
