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Whatever you do, don't go from being fit to sloppy at warp speed if the lady meets you fit and she manages to consistently keep herself up. Applies vice verse, too. This is probably the best heartfelt, and most truthful advice I can give anyone. No excuses.
Getting dressed is not fun? Having interests is not fun? If these things are the case, then forget it. No you will never find anyone.
Huh. Happily married for 20 years. Continuing to share love, joy, sex, fun, friendship. Odd? Your call.
Thanks for proving my point about ODD. Oppositional Defiant Disorder, not odd. It's when people like to argue for the sake of arguing, such as yourself.
For example, I say that most men do NOT enjoy cooking classes, yoga classes, meditation and book clubs. You irrationally come back with "Having interests is not fun?" Classic example right there.
One that only does something to be attractive for the opposite sex has the wrong motivation.
Better your self to be a better person your self . because that is what you want to buy ,not a false front.
Or do you like bait and switch done on you ?
My personal experience with dating and relationships has been extremely dissapointing. I have decided to take the time and energy I put into thinking about-and worrying about it, and just try to make my life something, if I were the ideal mate for me, that I would want to share with the future me that will be dating.
I mean, (that was a terrible sentence), my life right now is so full of responsibilities and stuff that I don't think any man would want to share as a burden, that I just KNOW I have to fix that before I can think of dating again.
I wonder if other people are doing the same thing?
But, yes, keeping yourself physically fit helps your mind and body.
Getting enough sleep and eating healthy keep you feeling your best.
Having your life fairly organised and under control are things that most people might not consider but they contribute to your self esteem and well being...
Knowing exactly what you need from a partner and want, and then trying to match those qualities by developing them in yourself first, seems like a healthy focus.
My future dating self will be almost perfect...watch out world.
I agreement with some of the other posters in regards to, you work on yourself, for yourself first.
The other part is just going out and talking to women. You don't have to go out with the mindset that you want to date every woman you talk to, but if you exude a confidence about you it will just happen. The odds are much more in your favor with just a little bit of effort.
Maybe I misunderstood one of the other posts, but relationships are work, and you do have to fight to keep things fresh. I don't mean fight one another, I mean fight to prevent falling into the traps of complacency, poor communication, comfort zones, and habits that don't inhibit growth. That kind of stuff typically just doesn't fall into place as much as we wish it could.
Often. Just keep smiling. Not a huge grin - but a nice little smile.
A year ago, somebody took a pic of some friends and I was in it, but I didn't even realize when the pic was taken. When I saw it later on, I was shocked.
I looked unhappy,sad and bitter. The pic was taken on a regular day where I thought I was happy. I kept the pic to keep reminding me to smile more.
Now I consciuosly smile alot. People respond. They smile back. Guys on the streets look. Guys in cars look. Even women smile back often. I get talked to.
Such a difference! Be happy - or pretend to be - and people notice you in a good way.
I think the number one thing you can do is make sure you will be content with never having a gf, if that's what happens.
This is not ODD, it's just the big picture. Other threads are more specific.
A person who tells themselves that they need a partner to be happy is a turnoff. They are looking for a partner to provide impossible things -- to change their life from an unhappy one to a happy one. People, maybe especially women, can sense that, and they instinctively steer away.
All the things that people advise -- exercise, socialising, working on self esteem, getting rid of depression, decent grooming -- are things that will make your life happier with or without a partner. And that self-made happiness is what is attractive.
I'm not really into this "doing stuff to make people like you" thing. I have never suggested on this forum or elsewhere for people to do this.
On the one hand, I understand the whole concept of bettering yourself to make yourself a more ideal mate.
On the other hand, if you're not doing stuff you like and doing it for you, you're not likely going to keep doing it once you have a mate. And that is total bait-and-switch b.s.
Do stuff for yourself. Look nice for yourself. Work out for your own health. Get involved in activities you enjoy and help out your community because it's the right thing to do and it betters your own life.
Don't target and direct things towards "becoming awesome to get a mate." It's fakery in the end and I don't think the results will necessarily pan out.
I agree with the above you need to take care of yourself and that will attract a mate as well as friends
manscaping; mani and pedi, and I agree don't head out anywhere with sloppy clothing
activities you enjoy; mountain biking, ski, take the dog to the dog park
be friendly; say hi, smile, make small talk with people who you don't know
go to events ; culturefest, powwows, irish festivals, listen local bands plenty of ladies
Exercise if I want to if not just stay active
Eat less if you need to try new types of food
If you take care of yourself and you are a positive person than it shows that you can care for others.
Anyway good luck
I've been thinking lately that one of the most depressing things is when you are single, and yet you are sitting around not doing anything in particular to make yourself more amenable to finding a good partner.
So lately I've tried to do at least one or two small things every day that would advance me in that category, while also start to plan for slightly bigger things every once in a awhile.
For example,
Small thing: Today I'm going to go for a run, because it's a healthy thing to do for your body and mind, and because it's better to actively engage in activities than to be a lazy slob who sits around and does nothing.
Small thing: When I spend the day in town, I'm going to dress decently nice and not just lazy in sweats, because being a sloppy dress will make you less attractive in general to females.
Large thing: I'm going to begin a workout regimen to get myself in better shape and make my body much more attractive and desirable.
Large thing: I'm going to learn and get good at a skill or interest, especially something a lot of other people in this area enjoy doing socially, in order to meet more people and set myself up for success.
Does that make sense? It not only is proactively bettering your odds for finding someone, but it also helps you feel better about yourself and your life because you are being proactive about it and not just sitting around bitter over what's not happening in your life.
So, list away!
That's okay. At least you are doing something productive. Of course you probably are going to get people who say, you should do all this for yourself and not just to find a woman.
Let's not kid ourselves, some of us always have the opposite sex on our mind subconsciously if not consciously.
But it sounds good on paper to do it all for yourself.
I think you have the right path. One of the best posts I ever read.
I personally am at work building my own business so that eventually I can support myself even without a regular job. Does it land me the woman? Apparently so. What also has helped me is to look at a woman on the basis of what I can do for her as opposed to getting something from her. Then it motivates me a little better.
Now, I am not doing this solely to land a woman. If I wanted to just get a woman, I would have just ran around seek anyone who would say yes. Like I implied, I want to be able to take care of myself first and create a good life so that I can bring anyone into a good life. I don't want to just have a woman, I want her to have a joyful and peaceful life.
At the same time, I apparently don't love myself enough to do all that stuff just for myself.
Thanks for proving my point about ODD. Oppositional Defiant Disorder, not odd. It's when people like to argue for the sake of arguing, such as yourself.
I had a very specific point. Perhaps the mirror would be good for you.
...
I don't think you are going to understand me. You said YOURSELF that the things that a person should do include
- fitness
- interests
- getting dressed
and then complained about the things you don't ("men" don't want to have to do). I contend that if you can't live the most basic of decent lives, then pretending to won't help you.
Quote:
For example, I say that most men do NOT enjoy cooking classes, yoga classes, meditation and book clubs. You irrationally come back with "Having interests is not fun?" Classic example right there.
Why on earth would you engage in activities that are not fun for you? Meet women who like cooking. Then what? Hate living with them the rest of your life?
Last edited by somebodynew; 12-17-2013 at 10:42 AM..
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