Men Who Refuse to Marry and then Marry Someone Else? (married, woman)
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I know a man who was living with his girlfriend for almost 20 years. She wanted to get married and he was against it because he didn't believe in marriage or monogamy. She finally left when she realized he wasn't going to commit. He dated around for a few years and is now married to his new girlfriend .
I am perplexed by this. He was adamantly against marriage and his new wife is no where near what his long term gf was in terms of the quality of their relationship. What do you think is going on in this guy's head? I find the whole thing illogical.
Feel bad for the woman, too bad she wasted so many yrs with him. 20 yrs is a long long time to spend with someone. I know... I've been with Mrs. Chow for that long. We aren't married either, but it's a non issue for us as neither of us put much stock into it. That being said, we may get married, just so that she could receive my SS benefits if I pass before her.... but other than that....
Like I said, I'm sure that woman is kicking herself for staying so long.... sad actually.
That is one of those deal breakers, if one spouse wants marriage or kids and the other doesn't......
Why did it take her 20 years to realize he wasn't going to commit? Especially after he told her so, apparently several times?
I don't get this either. The conversation about future goals and expection should have been established by the 1st year and there should be a deadline. 20 years is a lot to be wasted on just living together and not getting anything out of it other than investment of emotions, lost memories and years you'll never get back.
I'm assuming that women wanted not just marriage but also kids and she probably can't have any by now (I'm calculating that she met him in her early 20's so that mean she must now be in her 40's). I still think it's her fault for even tolerating that for so long and thinking she would change him.
I would imagine that while he said he was "against marriage," the truth is that he was simply against marrying his previous partner, but for whatever reason, wasn't motivated to leave the relationship, either...getting something he wanted or needed out of it, while not necessarily seeking marriage. Could be with the new relationship, he wasn't getting what he wanted or needed without marriage. People are pretty self-serving, ultimately. He may well have realized that the chances of meeting two women in a row who would be willing to live with someone for decades, forgoing monogamy, were between slim and none.
I would also imagine that it's a possibility that the previous partner stuck around for as many years as she did, because for a time, she, too, was okay with an accepting of the "no marriage" dynamic. People often have changes of heart, and while possibly it didn't bother her for many years, things in her life may have reached the point where she was no longer okay with that dynamic.
Im curious why she left and what she would have "got" had they signed a marriage licence. Was she worried about some tax issue or like another poster said SS bennies?
I don't get how someone can say it was wasted time, how was it wasted unless he was poor in the sack or abusive during those 20 years? Is being worried about SS bennies at the end of life really that profound of a reason to leave someone after 20 years?
I don't get how someone can say it was wasted time, how was it wasted unless he was poor in the sack or abusive during those 20 years? Is being worried about SS bennies at the end of life really that profound of a reason to leave someone after 20 years?
Usually young women don't just want to stay with a bf because of being promised the moon and the stars and how nice is to wake up making breakfast for the guy; acting like a wife figure when she's not even close (she's only a live on gf that provides him all his needs and he can enjoy her company but nothing further than that) but to know where the relationship is heading in the near future and if it'll reach the next level.
Usually young women don't just want to stay with a bf because of being promised the moon and the stars and how nice is to wake up making breakfast for the guy; acting like a wife figure when she's not even close (she's only a live on gf that provides him all his needs and he can enjoy her company but nothing further than that) but to know where the relationship is heading in the near future and if it'll reach the next level.
What is the next level? What is further?
How is that any different than what married people are doing? Do they get the marriage licence out and worship it like an ashrae pole?
They were together for 20 years, but she just now felt without marriage there was no commitment?
Sounds like they were committed to each other, having been together for 20 years! Whether or not married.
Breaking up because he doesn't want marriage should have happened within 5 years.
Beyond that, hard to know what he was thinking. Maybe he did not want to be married to her. Maybe he changed his mind in general after they broke up.
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