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I was being serious. All the emphasis on sex just makes me feel like I'm being reduced to an orifice and that my vagina is the only thing that matters to a guy.
My reason for venting about his marriage was stated many pages back. He's married. I'm single. That's pretty much it.
You're not being reduced to an orifice, SLS, and that's not all that matters to guys. In fact, I would say that if he stuck around for 17 months without sex, and obviously he was well aware of your problem, he must've liked you A LOT. And he had to like a lot more about you than just "an orifice" if it lasted that long.
Myself, and I'm sure a lot of the guys on the forum, would run from that situation once we were clued in that there was a sexual problem.
I think what you're being told here and encouraged to realize, is that you have a major blindspot with this issue. It's not just one of those quirky things about a person that you'll find the right guy that will work around it. It's not a "she likes Italian, he likes sushi" kind of incompatibility. It's the kind of thing that will forever keep you out of an LTR/marriage.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by DandyWarhol
You're not being reduced to an orifice, SLS, and that's not all that matters to guys. In fact, I would say that if he stuck around for 17 months without sex, and obviously he was well aware of your problem, he must've liked you A LOT. And he had to like a lot more about you than just "an orifice" if it lasted that long.
Save you're breath. The OP doesn't like sex, is scared of it, but has been given advice for therapy how to help overcome those fears (the tools she linked to on amazon), but doesn't want to take the steps to get there... so instead she puts up a wall and claims sex isn't important to her and then proceeds to blame men and having their interest in sex being a huge part of the problem.
It's just another blaming others for ones own issues, and not being willing to address ones own issues, scenario.
You're not being reduced to an orifice, SLS, and that's not all that matters to guys. In fact, I would say that if he stuck around for 17 months without sex, and obviously he was well aware of your problem, he must've liked you A LOT. And he had to like a lot more about you than just "an orifice" if it lasted that long.
Myself, and I'm sure a lot of the guys on the forum, would run from that situation once we were clued in that there was a sexual problem.
I think what you're being told here and encouraged to realize, is that you have a major blindspot with this issue. It's not just one of those quirky things about a person that you'll find the right guy that will work around it. It's not a "she likes Italian, he likes sushi" kind of incompatibility. It's the kind of thing that will forever keep you out of an LTR/marriage.
Point taken. Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment in a helpful manner!
Save you're breath. The OP doesn't like sex, is scared of it, but has been given advice for therapy how to help overcome those fears (the tools she linked to on amazon), but doesn't want to take the steps to get there... so instead she puts up a wall and claims sex isn't important to her and then proceeds to blame men and having their interest in sex being a huge part of the problem.
It's just another blaming others for ones own issues, and not being willing to address ones own issues, scenario.
You're not completely wrong, however, addressing the issue by using dilators isn't as simple as you might think. There is a more aggressive form of treatment that involves injecting Botox into your vaginal muscles while you're under anesthesia, and the dilator is inserted at that time so you wake up and it's already in there. It involves additional dilation exercises and counseling after that. It sounds cool, but I'm only aware of this treatment being available in New York. Not that I can't go to New York, but that's just a lot to do when I'm not even dating anyone who I'm considering sex with.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Nothing worthwhile is "simple" and the issue here, or part of it, is that you're only considering doing these things when you're dating someone. This is something you should be doing for you. Just for you. And the best time to deal with sexual fears/issues IS when you're single. It doesn't sound like you really want to love and want sex, you still view it as something you would do for someone else, not do for yourself. That is why the counseling, etc is best addressed now.
Bottom line, the vast majority of men - and women, for that matter - are going to desire a permanent, long-term relationship to include sexual intercourse. It's not about "being reduced to an orifice", but rather is born of a very natural desire for physical intimacy.
So you have two choices: You can focus on your attention on those few men who either don't desire intercourse, or who can't physically perform in that way.
Or, you can address your problem and try to overcome it. I really don't think gimics are the answer. Everything you've said suggests that the problem is psychological rather than physical. The issue may stem from having some very puritanical ideas regarding sex foisted on you at an age where you were too young to process them in context, or perhaps some physical trauma (I don't necessarily mean abuse, it could be something like falling off a tricycle and getting the handlebar jammed into your crotch). You will probably need some professional counseling to get past this.
Actually there is a third choice; you could choose to remain celibate and just develop platonic relationships, but it doesn't sound like that's what you really want.
Last edited by duster1979; 04-30-2014 at 09:25 AM..
Nothing worthwhile is "simple" and the issue here, or part of it, is that you're only considering doing these things when you're dating someone. This is something you should be doing for you. Just for you. And the best time to deal with sexual fears/issues IS when you're single. It doesn't sound like you really want to love and want sex, you still view it as something you would do for someone else, not do for yourself. That is why the counseling, etc is best addressed now.
Ding ding ding. You won the teddy bear.
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