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Why? Why should she risk losing a great guy (who, yes, may just be the guy for her) all because he jumped the gun on three little words? It could just be that he doesn't know how to take it slow but can learn. There are a lot of great people out there who are awkward in the dating phase but awesome in practically every other way. I think this paranoia does no good. Work with people you think you might want to keep in your life, only throw away those you have solid reason to throw away.
Everyone has flaws. This is hardly the worst one out there.
This is perfect, IMO. There's nothing wrong with letting him know you think it's too early for "I love you"s (even though I wouldn't personally suggest having sex with someone you wouldn't be willing to raise a baby with, but that's another discussion entirely). If he's a wacko like most of the people here think, you'll know by his response. If he can't slow down, then you can kick him to the curb.
because as a guy, he made a critical mistake. Everything can go great but if you make a critical mistake, then the girl will run.
He acted like a major beta, got all attached and used words like love within a week, and all of that is off putting to the OP.
A real alpha would basically not care about her, maybe date other women as well, which OP becomes confused and be attached to him.
Women like games. If you confess your "love" this soon, you are a beta. A real alpha guy would continue to play games until deep into the relationship.
I dated a tool who told me he "believed in love for the both of us" on the second date. I just smiled while thinking about how ridiculous that statement was, especially on a second date. You can barely become attached to someone after 2 dates only, let alone fall in love. He made me believe in rainbows and butterflies.
Well guess what?! The guy fell off the face of the earth a couple days later. (I should have known it was gonna happen when he mentioned marriage and me moving to his hometown on date #1).
Most guys who confessed a crush/love feeling after a week were all players. All of them had self-esteem issues and when they realized I was not falling for their smooth talking, they disappeared. Spare yourself the pain honey and cut him off. Guys like that have no idea what love is and it's pretty likely they jump from one girl to another in a matter of weeks. That's just how they are. They tell you what you want to hear to lure you in, is all.
All of those guys who behaved like this guy were narcissists who had major self-esteem issues and turned out to be verbally abusive.
He's not in love, he's horny.
Quick question: How long was his longest relationship?
If he's never had a long term relationship, then this is a major red-flag. Both guys I dated never reached the 3 months mark with any of their ex-girlfriends, hence they have no idea what love is. To this day, they're still stuck in the same circus of dating a different girl every month.
This man has issues you don't want to be a part of. He's gonna do more harm than good if you continue dating him. He'll definitely suck the life out of you and leave you insecure and heartbroken.
(Man, why can't I follow my own advice?)
Last edited by LostinPhilly; 05-24-2014 at 02:47 AM..
Last Friday I met this guy at a bar. We saw each other across the room, had an instant connection. Talked awhile, danced, kissed, and then I left with some friends. I gave him my name and number. That night he texted me that he really liked talking to me and would love to take me out on Sunday if I was free. I said ok. The next morning he found me on facebook- we had a short/fun conversation on there, confirmed our date for Sunday. We ended up seeing eachother Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday of this week- I know, a lot. We get along great, have a ton in common, share common life goals, are attracted to each other, have fun, etc. It almost seemed too perfect honestly.
Anyway, last night involved a sleepover and we did sleep together. This morning I was at the door saying goodbye to him. He's going out of town for two nights. He told me he would miss me (I smiled. It was cute). Then he told me he loved me, kissed me and left. WHAT? That totally freaked me out, but I called my best friend and she convinced me to talk to him about it when he gets back rather than dismissing it as crazy/weird. THEN he sent me a text about an hour ago telling me that he arrived safely and that he loves me again. DOUBLE WHAT. I didn't respond yet.
And for background- he's a little younger than me (mid 20s), is in law school, seems really well adjusted, clean cut, nice guy. I have never had this happen before and it's totally freaking me out. Is this as weird as it seems to me? I definitely am very interested in him and was enjoying what we had going on, but I definitely am NOT in love with him yet!? How would you guys handle this?
Trust your gut. Slow it way the hell down. And if he keeps trying the full-court press, then run.
I don't understand why everyone is freaking out so much. It's just 3 little words. Words. People say stuff they don't mean all the time (especially emotional people in the heat of the moment). The way people are freaking out, you'd think they'd been threatened with death or something.
Last Friday I met this guy at a bar. We saw each other across the room, had an instant connection. Talked awhile, danced, kissed, and then I left with some friends. I gave him my name and number. That night he texted me that he really liked talking to me and would love to take me out on Sunday if I was free. I said ok. The next morning he found me on facebook- we had a short/fun conversation on there, confirmed our date for Sunday. We ended up seeing eachother Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday of this week- I know, a lot. We get along great, have a ton in common, share common life goals, are attracted to each other, have fun, etc. It almost seemed too perfect honestly.
Anyway, last night involved a sleepover and we did sleep together. This morning I was at the door saying goodbye to him. He's going out of town for two nights. He told me he would miss me (I smiled. It was cute). Then he told me he loved me, kissed me and left. WHAT? That totally freaked me out, but I called my best friend and she convinced me to talk to him about it when he gets back rather than dismissing it as crazy/weird. THEN he sent me a text about an hour ago telling me that he arrived safely and that he loves me again. DOUBLE WHAT. I didn't respond yet.
And for background- he's a little younger than me (mid 20s), is in law school, seems really well adjusted, clean cut, nice guy. I have never had this happen before and it's totally freaking me out. Is this as weird as it seems to me? I definitely am very interested in him and was enjoying what we had going on, but I definitely am NOT in love with him yet!? How would you guys handle this?
You don't have to say it back if you don't feel it, but maybe he's the type who falls in love fast.
So, if he's in law school, I'm thinking you both are young? If you are, then you don't need to have a bunch of baggage about motives. Be open and willing to see where the relationship goes. Fairytales do happen.
I'd only run if it didn't feel right. If I didn't sense a genuine connection. My first relationship after reentering the dating scene started off very intense and magnetic. He expressed falling for me within a few days, and he was no young or inexperienced man. He was 41 at the time. We were together for about 9 months, but did the on and off thing close to a year.
The next relationship was with a man who was very jaded about love. He dated a woman before me for a couple months. She had fallen for him, and he liked her, but wasn't that into her. He had also been married before and had been in serious relationships before that. He was no "beginner" in terms of relationships, and thus not the slightest bit naive. By day three he expressed the same. He and I were together for 6 months.
I also briefly dated a guy who told me he loved me after a week. The situation didn't allow for us to continue seeing each other.
With my now husband, he fell for me within days. He knew it from the beginning. We both did.
I can count about 5-6 times that such feelings have been expressed in a brief period of time. I'd say four of these interactions were genuine in that I got to know the gentleman on far more than a superficial level.
I dated a tool who told me he "believed in love for the both of us" on the second date. I just smiled while thinking about how ridiculous that statement was, especially on a second date. You can barely become attached to someone after 2 dates only, let alone fall in love. He made me believe in rainbows and butterflies.
Well guess what?! The guy fell off the face of the earth a couple days later. (I should have known it was gonna happen when he mentioned marriage and me moving to his hometown on date #1).
Most guys who confessed a crush/love feeling after a week were all players. All of them had self-esteem issues and when they realized I was not falling for their smooth talking, they disappeared. Spare yourself the pain honey and cut him off. Guys like that have no idea what love is and it's pretty likely they jump from one girl to another in a matter of weeks. That's just how they are. They tell you what you want to hear to lure you in, is all.
All of those guys who behaved like this guy were narcissists who had major self-esteem issues and turned out to be verbally abusive.
He's not in love, he's horny.
Quick question: How long was his longest relationship?
If he's never had a long term relationship, then this is a major red-flag. Both guys I dated never reached the 3 months mark with any of their ex-girlfriends, hence they have no idea what love is. To this day, they're still stuck in the same circus of dating a different girl every month.
This man has issues you don't want to be a part of. He's gonna do more harm than good if you continue dating him. He'll definitely suck the life out of you and leave you insecure and heartbroken.
(Man, why can't I follow my own advice?)
Damn good advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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