Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Considering everything else you said about him and how you enjoyed eachother's company...
If you think a couple of premature "I love you"s are dealbreakers, I'm going to slap my computer screen in hopes you feel it.
Seriously.
Oh, and if he'll **** you, be prepared for him to love you as well. I know, it's a sad world.
Lol, good point. It's not that it's a dealbreaker by any means. It's more that it raised a red flag in that I think I tend to be pretty emotionally vulnerable in relationships- it's probably a fault of mine. It's harder for me to open up and really let someone in, and the too much too soon thing triggered my run away, self protective instincts. Normally I would have been out already, but I DO like this guy which is why I haven't run yet. I guess I just wanted to kinda get a general consensus on it and see if there were other optimists out there who would say that it wasn't necessarily a huge red flag.
I just crafted a paragraph text to him (lol, not awesome for sure). Basically saying I really like him and am interested but I need to slow it down a little bit because I'm freaking out a little and don't want to push him away. So I guess we'll see how that goes.
"2. Quick Attachment and Expression "The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!" You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you'll miss the major point - it doesn't make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed. "The Loser" typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship."
Oh common, it's not like he asked her to sign a contract for 4 kids, a dog and a white picket fence...
I think he's just inexperienced, and doesn't know when the 3 words comes in...
If he is still a student there is every chance that this is either his first or 2nd of his first relationsips ever. I mean when I was 19~ I could have cracked out an "I love you" without a whole lot to bring it out... a pair of well shaped naked breasts would probably have sufficed.
Now 5 years later it would probably take at least a month even if we were super-hitting it off, to be honest I'd expect it to be a long process if I met someone.
I think it's pretty judge-mental to be putting somebody off as psycho or weirdo or whatever based on premature expressions of appreciation...
Lol, good point. It's not that it's a dealbreaker by any means. It's more that it raised a red flag in that I think I tend to be pretty emotionally vulnerable in relationships- it's probably a fault of mine. It's harder for me to open up and really let someone in, and the too much too soon thing triggered my run away, self protective instincts. Normally I would have been out already, but I DO like this guy which is why I haven't run yet. I guess I just wanted to kinda get a general consensus on it and see if there were other optimists out there who would say that it wasn't necessarily a huge red flag.
I just crafted a paragraph text to him (lol, not awesome for sure). Basically saying I really like him and am interested but I need to slow it down a little bit because I'm freaking out a little and don't want to push him away. So I guess we'll see how that goes.
Oh common, it's not like he asked her to sign a contract for 4 kids, a dog and a white picket fence...
I think he's just inexperienced, and doesn't know when the 3 words comes in...
If he is still a student there is every chance that this is either his first or 2nd of his first relationsips ever. I mean when I was 19~ I could have cracked out an "I love you" without a whole lot to bring it out... a pair of well shaped naked breasts would probably have sufficed.
Now 5 years later it would probably take at least a month even if we were super-hitting it off, to be honest I'd expect it to be a long process if I met someone.
I think it's pretty judge-mental to be putting somebody off as psycho or weirdo or whatever based on premature expressions of appreciation...
I don't think he's a psycho or weirdo by any means. But at the same time he's also not 19- he's in his mid 20s, and is a second year law student with a bachelors and masters degree under his belt already. So he's also not that inexperienced. I think I'm more like you- it would take me at least a month probably to feel that way and be comfortable saying it. That's the difference. 7 days was just so short of a length of time, that's why it scared me.
Oh common, it's not like he asked her to sign a contract for 4 kids, a dog and a white picket fence...
I think he's just inexperienced, and doesn't know when the 3 words comes in...
If he is still a student there is every chance that this is either his first or 2nd of his first relationsips ever. I mean when I was 19~ I could have cracked out an "I love you" without a whole lot to bring it out... a pair of well shaped naked breasts would probably have sufficed.
Now 5 years later it would probably take at least a month even if we were super-hitting it off, to be honest I'd expect it to be a long process if I met someone.
I think it's pretty judge-mental to be putting somebody off as psycho or weirdo or whatever based on premature expressions of appreciation...
Never said he was psycho or weird, just that a quick attachment is usually the result of shallow emotions which will result in an equally quick detachment. The fact that you mention you could have done the same thing as an inexperienced 19 yr old only proves that it's a shallow and immature emotion, not real love. If the OP allowed herself to get attached because of this, she will ultimately get hurt. Hence, red flag.
Last Friday I met this guy at a bar. We saw each other across the room, had an instant connection. Talked awhile, danced, kissed, and then I left with some friends. I gave him my name and number. That night he texted me that he really liked talking to me and would love to take me out on Sunday if I was free. I said ok. The next morning he found me on facebook- we had a short/fun conversation on there, confirmed our date for Sunday. We ended up seeing eachother Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday of this week- I know, a lot. We get along great, have a ton in common, share common life goals, are attracted to each other, have fun, etc. It almost seemed too perfect honestly.
Anyway, last night involved a sleepover and we did sleep together. This morning I was at the door saying goodbye to him. He's going out of town for two nights. He told me he would miss me (I smiled. It was cute). Then he told me he loved me, kissed me and left. WHAT? That totally freaked me out, but I called my best friend and she convinced me to talk to him about it when he gets back rather than dismissing it as crazy/weird. THEN he sent me a text about an hour ago telling me that he arrived safely and that he loves me again. DOUBLE WHAT. I didn't respond yet.
And for background- he's a little younger than me (mid 20s), is in law school, seems really well adjusted, clean cut, nice guy. I have never had this happen before and it's totally freaking me out. Is this as weird as it seems to me? I definitely am very interested in him and was enjoying what we had going on, but I definitely am NOT in love with him yet!? How would you guys handle this?
I think it's great he feels comfortable enough with you to speak his feelings.
Relax... Just because he is ready to say it and you are not means nothing.
Sheesh, you gave him your number, kissed him, slept with him.... Relax.
I love you too and I have no idea who you even are.
You must be something special!
Kidding aside,
Trust your gut, you realize something doesn't mesh here...
You either attempt to correct the behaviour or you decide it's not going to work for you.
Last edited by rego00123; 05-23-2014 at 11:10 PM..
Why? Why should she risk losing a great guy (who, yes, may just be the guy for her) all because he jumped the gun on three little words? It could just be that he doesn't know how to take it slow but can learn. There are a lot of great people out there who are awkward in the dating phase but awesome in practically every other way. I think this paranoia does no good. Work with people you think you might want to keep in your life, only throw away those you have solid reason to throw away.
Everyone has flaws. This is hardly the worst one out there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklyn1234
I just crafted a paragraph text to him (lol, not awesome for sure). Basically saying I really like him and am interested but I need to slow it down a little bit because I'm freaking out a little and don't want to push him away. So I guess we'll see how that goes.
This is perfect, IMO. There's nothing wrong with letting him know you think it's too early for "I love you"s (even though I wouldn't personally suggest having sex with someone you wouldn't be willing to raise a baby with, but that's another discussion entirely). If he's a wacko like most of the people here think, you'll know by his response. If he can't slow down, then you can kick him to the curb.
I would pay it no mind. He's just excited right now due to the newness. He'll more than likely not be saying all that in a month or two. In fact, he might even do a complete 180, so just take it with a grain of salt at the moment, go along with it, and wait and see what unfolds.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
