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Last Friday I met this guy at a bar. We saw each other across the room, had an instant connection. Talked awhile, danced, kissed, and then I left with some friends. I gave him my name and number. That night he texted me that he really liked talking to me and would love to take me out on Sunday if I was free. I said ok. The next morning he found me on facebook- we had a short/fun conversation on there, confirmed our date for Sunday. We ended up seeing eachother Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday of this week- I know, a lot. We get along great, have a ton in common, share common life goals, are attracted to each other, have fun, etc. It almost seemed too perfect honestly.
Anyway, last night involved a sleepover and we did sleep together. This morning I was at the door saying goodbye to him. He's going out of town for two nights. He told me he would miss me (I smiled. It was cute). Then he told me he loved me, kissed me and left. WHAT? That totally freaked me out, but I called my best friend and she convinced me to talk to him about it when he gets back rather than dismissing it as crazy/weird. THEN he sent me a text about an hour ago telling me that he arrived safely and that he loves me again. DOUBLE WHAT. I didn't respond yet.
And for background- he's a little younger than me (mid 20s), is in law school, seems really well adjusted, clean cut, nice guy. I have never had this happen before and it's totally freaking me out. Is this as weird as it seems to me? I definitely am very interested in him and was enjoying what we had going on, but I definitely am NOT in love with him yet!? How would you guys handle this?
It is not that usual. Saying "I love you" after only a week is a little quick. I don't know how I would handle something like that.
OP: You said "I'd run if I didn't feel a connection" ... See that's the thing with this type of guys. They observe you a lot and mimic your interests/personality. They have very good interpersonal skills, believe me. What you're feeling is not a genuine connection but merely a superficial reciprocity of your interests. There might be a connection on your part but there is none on his part (or very little). He'll be onto the next in a couple of weeks and will have forgotten all about you.
With those two guys I dated, I felt a genuine connection. Once they dropped me, I realized that connection was merely superficial. It was not deep. It was only based on the fact they kept observing me and reacted accordingly, in a way to make me believe as though they knew me better than anybody else.
A genuine connection might happen but there's no way someone would fall in love after a week. Even if they become quite attached because they genuinely like the person, they wouldn't risk scaring that person off by telling them they love them too soon. Those who throw those words easily are usually those who 1.don't know what love is2.aren't in love.
Trust me, one day you'll realize the connection you had with him was an illusion created by him to lure you in. He's not in love, he's horny at most. Nobody falls in love after a week, period. It's lust, nothing more. You're deluding yourself if you genuinely believe he's actually in love.
When things happen very fast, too fast, it's NEVER a good sign.
I've met so many of these guys that I know now how they function to a tee. They all told me the same thing, after the same amount of time and dropped me right afterwards. Oddly enough, all of those guys never dated a girl for more than 3 months and were very insecure!
Last edited by LostinPhilly; 05-24-2014 at 10:57 AM..
This situation has more red flags than a communist country. I don't think those three words should come out for at least half a year, if not longer.
Interesting. That has never, ever been my experience. I don't think "should" can be applied to others' situations since every situation is different.
I don't recall exactly when my high school boyfriend and I exchanged "I love yous," but it was within a couple months. We were together for two years.
I believe it was within the first month with my first husband, and we were together for 10 years. And every relationship thereafter it occurred in a much shorter time frame, and both parties (myself and the other) were considerably older where the other party was no less than 35 and had been in relationships or married previously. So they were not "young, gullible and naive." One gentleman was actually very cynical and jaded, and was very adamant about not believing in such fluff and nonsense (falling in love quickly).
There have only been a handful of times it has occurred quickly in my situation, but a handful out of many dozen dates and interactions in 2.5 years is not that much, and I have encountered the seemingly sociopathic types.
It's actually really funny to read everyone's opinions because everyone is either 100% run away or 100% it's worth giving it a shot lol.
Either way, I talked to him about it last night and I feel a little better now. I sent him a paragraph basically saying that it freaked me out, that I do like him but that it's WAY too much too soon and is triggering my 'run away' instincts. He responded by saying that he realized as soon as he said it that I freaked out and that it was a bad idea. And basically told me he's never been in a situation before where he's had such strong feelings for someone so quickly. (And background context, I'm 3 years older than him). And he said that me being a little older than him was getting to his head and he started worrying that I would think he wasn't serious about getting to know me, etc because of his age. I do get it- had the roles been reversed I probably wouldn't have handled it that way. But I can respect the explanation he had- basically I think he thought it was what I wanted to hear somehow.
I think that the age difference, mixed with the fact that I am a little older, mixed with the fact that we DID pack a lot of things into one week just threw things off a little. I told him I need to slow things down and he said he completely understands- and to his credit he did back off quite a bit since our conversation. So I guess I'm going to give it a little more time. I think I'll see pretty quickly if this little chat helped reset things or if it's still a run away situation. Because I would hate to miss out on something great over something like this- as long as it doesn't continue on at crazy speed.
It's funny how different people are. This is the way I LIKE my relationships to begin. I prefer it. I almost don't really like it any other way, but I am wanting to try something different, as all my friends keep advising me to do something different. Plus, I enjoy change.
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I would be wondering what he will say next?
