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Well, thanks for essentially calling me a loose woman, lol.
Sex isn't something I take lightly. But it's also not something that I feel like I have to be in love with someone to do. I'm comfortable with my sexuality. I don't sleep around- if anything having sex this fast was an extraordinary circumstance for me. But in my mind at least, just because I choose to sleep with someone doesn't mean that I have to simply accept the fact that they tell me they love me right after.
I'm not saying you have to accept it. I'm just disagreeing with those who are telling you to run from the guy. Sure, he might turn out to be a nutcase stalker, but there are worse things that he could've said to you.
I'm not saying you have to accept it. I'm just disagreeing with those who are telling you to run from the guy. Sure, he might turn out to be a nutcase stalker, but there are worse things that he could've said to you.
I think it's pretty sad that it's perfectly normal and acceptable these days to have sex with someone and never speak to them again, but God forbid that the person you shared your body with expresses feelings for you afterwards. Now it's time to run.
Lot of truth in this. Hey, I'm not one of those uber-religious-wait-until-marriage kind of people, but banging someone within a couple of dates is really stupid behavior.
I think it's pretty sad that it's perfectly normal and acceptable these days to have sex with someone and never speak to them again, but God forbid that the person you shared your body with expresses feelings for you afterwards. Now it's time to run.
You can have feelings for someone and express them without being "in love" with them. Sharing your body with someone is not the same as being in love with them and it's foolish and immature to always associate the two. You have to know someone to really love them and after only a week, you can not possibly know them well enough to love them, regardless of whether you shared your body with them or not.
You obviously just have a problem with sex when it's not in a very committed relationship but that's not what this topic is about. Take your judgmental views elsewhere.
It's actually really funny to read everyone's opinions because everyone is either 100% run away or 100% it's worth giving it a shot lol.
Either way, I talked to him about it last night and I feel a little better now. I sent him a paragraph basically saying that it freaked me out, that I do like him but that it's WAY too much too soon and is triggering my 'run away' instincts. He responded by saying that he realized as soon as he said it that I freaked out and that it was a bad idea. And basically told me he's never been in a situation before where he's had such strong feelings for someone so quickly. (And background context, I'm 3 years older than him). And he said that me being a little older than him was getting to his head and he started worrying that I would think he wasn't serious about getting to know me, etc because of his age. I do get it- had the roles been reversed I probably wouldn't have handled it that way. But I can respect the explanation he had- basically I think he thought it was what I wanted to hear somehow.
I think that the age difference, mixed with the fact that I am a little older, mixed with the fact that we DID pack a lot of things into one week just threw things off a little. I told him I need to slow things down and he said he completely understands- and to his credit he did back off quite a bit since our conversation. So I guess I'm going to give it a little more time. I think I'll see pretty quickly if this little chat helped reset things or if it's still a run away situation. Because I would hate to miss out on something great over something like this- as long as it doesn't continue on at crazy speed.
I am not saying run away, I just said this is a red flag. For me, that means proceed with caution and talk to him about it, which you did.
You can have feelings for someone and express them without being "in love" with them. Sharing your body with someone is not the same as being in love with them and it's foolish and immature to always associate the two. You have to know someone to really love them and after only a week, you can not possibly know them well enough to love them, regardless of whether you shared your body with them or not.
I agree with that. I think he might have a feeling like he could love her, and some people do get that feeling early on. Obviously, he doesn't know her well at this point, so he was premature in telling her that he loved her, but I still don't find it that disturbing.
Quote:
You obviously just have a problem with sex when it's not in a very committed relationship but that's not what this topic is about. Take your judgmental views elsewhere.
I've never said that. I don't care what other people do.
Last Friday I met this guy at a bar. We saw each other across the room, had an instant connection. Talked awhile, danced, kissed, and then I left with some friends. I gave him my name and number. That night he texted me that he really liked talking to me and would love to take me out on Sunday if I was free. I said ok. The next morning he found me on facebook- we had a short/fun conversation on there, confirmed our date for Sunday. We ended up seeing eachother Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday of this week- I know, a lot. We get along great, have a ton in common, share common life goals, are attracted to each other, have fun, etc. It almost seemed too perfect honestly.
Anyway, last night involved a sleepover and we did sleep together. This morning I was at the door saying goodbye to him. He's going out of town for two nights. He told me he would miss me (I smiled. It was cute). Then he told me he loved me, kissed me and left. WHAT? That totally freaked me out, but I called my best friend and she convinced me to talk to him about it when he gets back rather than dismissing it as crazy/weird. THEN he sent me a text about an hour ago telling me that he arrived safely and that he loves me again. DOUBLE WHAT. I didn't respond yet.
And for background- he's a little younger than me (mid 20s), is in law school, seems really well adjusted, clean cut, nice guy. I have never had this happen before and it's totally freaking me out. Is this as weird as it seems to me? I definitely am very interested in him and was enjoying what we had going on, but I definitely am NOT in love with him yet!? How would you guys handle this?
You should tell him that you missed your period and see what he does.
You should tell him that you missed your period and see what he does.
Maybe it's just me. But I don't think that telling someone to play games (in general lying to them) is a very good idea or the basis going forward to having a good relationship. This guy has been nothing but honest, regardless of how anyone feels. I don't think playing games with him is right. I hope this advice isn't garnished from your own experience. Not all guys are players. I do think a week is short, but if he there's nothing saying that that can't happen or be the truth. If that alone scares her. Fine, she can decide to not date this guy, but lying to him in a "coward" attempt at tricking him for a certain kind of expected response is awful advice. This guy could be legit and how cruel would that be?
Last edited by supermanpansy; 05-25-2014 at 09:42 AM..
You should tell him that you missed your period and see what he does.
Hahaha yeah, that should remind him that he's not in love yet. Or, she can just take it with a grain of salt right now.
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