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Maybe I am confused. Is the goal of dating to have lots of dates. Or to meet the right person who you want to spend a lot of time with so you can stop dating other people.
Please enlighten me.
That's the question. Does OP define "success in dating" as having a lot of dates? Getting laid? Finding a nice person to have a relationship with?
I don't think you can just "lower your standards" that's not how standards are made or upheld. Your standards are what they are because of your needs, wants and desires.
If you have certain "standards" you have to also be aware it is also limiting pool by it's very nature.
It's a quality vs quantity argument at it's core that ignores the obvious in favor of immediate gratification.
Having completely unrealistic or outlandish standards to uphold people to is another topic...but having "a" standard for what you NEED in life based of of who you are as an individual?
hell no, don't change yourself just to find another.
1. Lower your pickiness/standards or whatever you want to call it.
Or change/swap your standards or whatever entomology/semantics you want to give it.
AND/OR
2. Increase your attractiveness to the opposite sex
Discuss.
i say number two, BUT, that does not mean what you think it means OP. yes if you hit the gym, lose weight and "pump up" you can become physically attractive to women, but if you still lack confidence in yourself, what good is the physical looks? i keep telling you and others, that women truly are deeper than what you give them credit for. the problem is that us men are very visual, why? because we were the hunters in ancient times, so we had to be able to spot our prey, and be able to track it.
so when we look at women, of course we enjoy a curvy woman. but we are attracted to women based on looks at first, so we think that women are the same way, and they arent. but your mindset is such that you wont believe that even when THE WOMEN TELL YOU. so until YOU change your mindset, you are going to fail with women, and you are going to continue to come here and whine about how you cant get a date, despite the fact that everyone tells you what you need to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
Maybe I am confused. Is the goal of dating to have lots of dates. Or to meet the right person who you want to spend a lot of time with so you can stop dating other people.
1. Lower your pickiness/standards or whatever you want to call it.
Or change/swap your standards or whatever entomology/semantics you want to give it.
No, you shouldn't lower your standards by any means, having high standards are good, yes the important point is they should be realistic, having high standards means you know yourself well and you know what you want. You shouldn't settle for something less than that. It will leave you unhappy in the long run.
Hence this is wrong and shouldn't be done..
Quote:
Originally Posted by techcrium
AND/OR
2. Increase your attractiveness to the opposite sex
Discuss.
Firstly , you have not defined attractiveness properly, I mean in what aspect?
Is it having only attractive personality or only attractive looks or overall attractiveness which includes both looks and personality?, so what is it according to you.
Anyway,
I agree with this to some extent, of course attractiveness is important, you should have attractive/ good looks and also you must have a good personality which makes you even more attractive overall, but there are two points to remember here.
1. In my view the term "attractiveness" is a subjective term, let's say for example one woman may not find you attractive as per the way she perceives you overall, on the other hand some other woman will find you very attractive overall as per her perception. Hence attractiveness here is subjective and depends and will be different for different women and so will keep changing this way.
2. What you must know is beyond a certain limit you can't improve your attractiveness, of course there are no limits , I didn't mean that, what I am trying to say is you shouldn't go beyond a certain limit to make yourself attractive to women, as that would mean, you value what the opposite gender thinks about you, rather than being confident about yourself and your attractiveness. You will then begin to change yourself to the extent of appearing as attractive to women. You should never do that. Not required at all.
If at all women have to find you attractive, let them get attracted to who you are, and what you are instead of getting attracted to what you are showing them, which may or may not be true at all.
Hence in my view you are either naturally attractive to women or you are not, that's the way it is. Whatever it may be , you should never change yourself.
Hope you got my point.
Hence in my view both the points that you have mentioned are wrong. Dating success depends on many other factors, I think so.
You're repeated postings of random poorly reasoned or worded "hypotheses" to generate discussion, then you're convoluted illogical analysis of the responses, followed by your disappearance... only to be followed by another equally inane posting is really pretty annoying.
Maybe we should discuss this instead. What compels a person to exhibit such behavior? Why do these people start threads that claim to be about discussing a topic, but really they're just a way for the person to spout his own views?
I don't think you can just "lower your standards" that's not how standards are made or upheld. Your standards are what they are because of your needs, wants and desires.
If you have certain "standards" you have to also be aware it is also limiting pool by it's very nature.
It's a quality vs quantity argument at it's core that ignores the obvious in favor of immediate gratification.
Having completely unrealistic or outlandish standards to uphold people to is another topic...but having "a" standard for what you NEED in life based of of who you are as an individual?
hell no, don't change yourself just to find another.
Ok. So if you are unwilling to compromise (1), then you have to deal with (2).
So you have to increase attractiveness to the opposite gender. That can either be, physical, or be more intelligent, or be more confident, outgoing, etc.
I agree with this to some extent, of course attractiveness is important, you should have attractive/ good looks and also you must have a good personality which makes you even more attractive overall, but there are two points to remember here.
...
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Does OP define "success in dating" as having a lot of dates? Getting laid? Finding a nice person to have a relationship with?
