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Ahh I always enjoy a discussion with you ohio peasant. Everyone look, he makes absolutely no personal attacks and attack only my proposals and arguments. No hatred, no anger, no chipped shoulder....
...No ad-hominems, no strawman attacks, etc...
...unlike some of the other posters on this board.
The OP's twin options are predicated on the assumption that (1) the dating pool is fixed, (2) everyone has access to everyone else, and (3) a selection will eventually be made. This would be true in a village mating ceremony, where all of the men line up on one side, all of the women on the opposite side, and the selection begins. By day's end, all of the eligible males and females have been parsed into couples, save for a few "losers" who remain unattached. Presumably the best males pair with the best females, and so on down the line. Those who are not "the best", indeed have precisely those two options that the OP proposed: either they make overtures to less attractive mates, or they somehow improve their own mating value.
In modern reality, the dating pool isn't fixed. There are always additional options. For every attractive person, there are many other even more attractive people.
Second, a given man or woman might be isolated and not visible as a potential candidate. His or her mating-value might actually be very high, but if there is no suitable venue for men and women to meet, neither would be recognized as a potential mate. If there is large asymmetry in a given mating pool (vastly more men than women, or vice versa), then even excellent candidates on the more numerous side are at a strong disadvantage.
Third, and most important as polemic against "lowering one's standards": those candidates who find themselves to be the ones selected by candidates of low mating value, would not accept their role as fallback plans or consolation prizes. Finding their own choices thwarted, they would simply absent themselves from the market. In the case of the village, everyone is expected to choose a mate. In the modern world, there's no law that says that if you're unmarried beyond a certain age, you will starve or be expelled from the village.
A better dating/mating strategy is to seek venues where like-minded candidates abound. This, however, is much more easily said than done.
1&2. Yes, the dating pool isn't fixed but I am going by the relative assumption that people here have tried enough venues and yet STILL CANNOT find dating success.
Case in point:
This person has tried all these venues to meet a man, yet still cannot find one. Why is that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by XYZ
Places I attend regularly in which I haven't bumped into someone interesting in my desired dating age range of 35-45 the last two years since I've been interested in dating again:
grocery store
gym
gas station while pumping gas
Meetup-both special interest and social groups-I did meet someone I clicked with a few months ago but he has a girlfriend.
kayaking class
photography class
OKC and Match.com
speed dating
knife skills class
rock climbing class
East Coast (too young) and West Coast Swing (too old) dancing
volunteering
weddings
pub trivia
board game groups
open game night parties at my house in which my friends are encouraged to bring friends because you never know who they might know.
science and history lectures
community theater plays and improv comedy nights
bike riding on a couple of popular local trails-lots of families on these but not much else.
I don't drink so I'm not one to hang out in bars, other than for pub trivia. I also have 5 friends who have been on the lookout for someone with potential for over a year without a single lead.
*shrugs*
I am assuming that HUMANS are relatively intelligent that if they want something (a mate/or a date) then you are intelligent enough to understand that if they sit at home all day, then they cannot hope to find one.
Therefore, access and availability is a non-issue because it is assumed that you are intelligent enough to know that if your a woman and everyday you only hang out with your girlfriends, your coworkers are mostly female, your "girls night out" only consists of females, then you need to try something else.
Just like it is assumed that if you are hungry, then you will go to a supermarket to buy food.
3. As for your third point, of course no one here is forcing anyone to find a mate. This entire thread only addresses those who complain about lack of success in dating.
If you lack success in dating and you don't care about finding a mate, then obviously this thread is NOT relevant to you.
Rule 1) Know what kind of guy/girl you want to MARRY and date that type of person
Rule 2) Consider for a second that Rule 1 is a great idea and so this rule is to pursue a long lasting relationship and get married.
so OP, your rules arent needed when dating for the right reason.
I'd rather be alone than lower my standards (which are very, very high), but I might adjust them based on the results I get. As it turned out, I found that I could even raise some of my standards.
I dated far fewer women than I could have, but for me, success was finding someone I'd willingly marry, who met all my standards. I had to consider nearly a thousand women to find her, though, so it wasn't easy - just worth it.
Rule 1) Know what kind of guy/girl you want to MARRY and date that type of person
Rule 2) Consider for a second that Rule 1 is a great idea and so this rule is to pursue a long lasting relationship and get married.
so OP, your rules arent needed when dating for the right reason.
What if the person you WANT to marry does not want to date you because you aren't as attractive? (again, not just physically)
What? Again. Not making any sense. Why would someone ever ever ever ever want to marry someone that doesn't want to even date them?
More crazy / completely out of the blue questions.
Let's say you are a woman that wants to date guys without kids, are taller than you, and have a job. (example taken from a poster with her "requirements")
What if those guys don't want to date you because they don't find you attractive? (again not just physically)
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Again, not a relevant questions since dating isn't about "they", it is about specific individuals. If a specific individual doesn't want to date you, you move on to another person. Simple.
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