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What I don't understand is why some people defend a woman who cheats. They will say things like maybe her spouse wasn't paying attention to her enough, maybe her emotional needs weren't met, and maybe the guy wasn't satisfying her in bed. I'm sorry but that is garbage to me that some people defend a cheater. The only reason a woman cheats is because she's a *****. Simple as that.
This is the operative question. I am awfully sure MrsCPG has never stepped out but, unless you're monitoring the wife 100% of the time, nobody is ever 100% sure.
While there are a lot of single guys here who use the tough-guy language, the predictable kick-the-b**ch-to-the-curb bravado, most of the guys with long and successful marriages aren't so absolute. There is a helluva a lot to ending a marriage with finances, kids, and a great deal more. You are seriously invested in your relationship and the roots go very, very deep. And the longer you're married, the harder it is. That's the difference between dating someone for a couple of months and living with someone for years, even decades.
I've known guys who have discovered infidelity, confronted their spouses and dealt with it successfully. Because cheating is typically a symptom of something deeper wrong in the marriage. Sometimes it's boredom. Sometimes it's just an irreconcilable character flaw on the part of the spouse. But in every instance of cheating, both partners play a role in making it happen, whether they realize it or not.
So if MrsCPG had gone on business trip with a colleague, gotten lit with him, wound up in the sack, and came home to confess all, then I would be seriously pissed but the marriage would likely survive after some major-league counseling, not to mention a lot of trust-building on her part to repair the damage.
If, on the other hand, she were off having a long-term affair that I discovered, I would likely go scorched earth on her: Assemble the evidence, quietly call the attorney, get all my ducks in a row, and have the papers served while she's at the office.
Of course, it's much more common for a woman to stay with a man if he cheated on her. But you rarely hear about men staying with women who cheat. I wonder if it's the emotional affair that goes along with the sex...whereas when men cheat, many of them will say "it's just sex," meaning there was no emotional attachment...I've heard that men will also ask "Was his thing bigger than mine?"
Anyways, men, I wanna hear what you have to say....
I honestly do not know. Most likely I would leave. I would get to the bottom of this and find out the circumstances that led to the cheating.
Cheating occurs in many different ways and for many different reasons.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
This is the operative question. I am awfully sure MrsCPG has never stepped out but, unless you're monitoring the wife 100% of the time, nobody is ever 100% sure.
While there are a lot of single guys here who use the tough-guy language, the predictable kick-the-b**ch-to-the-curb bravado, most of the guys with long and successful marriages aren't so absolute. There is a helluva a lot to ending a marriage with finances, kids, and a great deal more. You are seriously invested in your relationship and the roots go very, very deep. And the longer you're married, the harder it is.
I've known guys who have discovered infidelity, confronted their spouses and dealt with it successfully. Because cheating is typically a symptom of something deeper wrong in the marriage. Sometimes it's boredom. Sometimes it's just an irreconcilable character flaw on the part of the spouse. But in every instance of cheating, both partners play a role.
So if MrsCPG had gone on business trip with a colleague, gotten lit with him, wound up in the sack, and came home to confess all, then I would be seriously pissed but the marriage would likely survive.
If, on the other hand, she were off having a long affair that I discovered, I would likely go scorched earth on her: Assemble the evidence, quietly call the attorney, get all my ducks in a row, and have the papers served while she's at the office.
So if MrsCPG had gone on business trip with a colleague, gotten lit with him, wound up in the sack, and came home to confess all, then I would be seriously pissed but the marriage would likely survive after some major-league counseling, not to mention a lot of trust-building on her part to repair the damage.
It might survive, but I guarantee you that your marriage will never be the same again. You'll probably still love her (people will grow on you over time regardless), but your marriage will be more about saving face and dealing with the other person than anything romantic. The spark that once was will no longer be; therefore you might not be as in love with her as you were in the past. You might not be in love with her after that at all in fact.
It might survive, but I guarantee you that your marriage will never be the same again. You'll probably still love her (people will grow on you over time regardless), but your marriage will be more about saving face and dealing with the other person than anything romantic. The spark that once was will no longer be; therefore you might not be as in love with her as you were in the past. You might not be in love with her after that at all in fact.
Who said it would be? That being said, the aforementioned marriages I've known have wound up becoming very strong once again.
Who said it would be? That being said, the aforementioned marriages I've known have wound up becoming very strong once again.
That's great for them. I'd be broken inside. For me, showing the girl the door would have nothing to do with "bravado" as you put it. It'd be more along the lines of a lack of trust, uncertainty, and stress associated with not having a grasp on the relationship. I don't think anything she could say would change that.
I've been cheated on before in a LTR. I still cared for that person, but I could never trust her again.
So if MrsCPG had gone on business trip with a colleague, gotten lit with him, wound up in the sack, and came home to confess all, then I would be seriously pissed but the marriage would likely survive after some major-league counseling, not to mention a lot of trust-building on her part to repair the damage.
That makes you a doormat. And if you get mad at that, then don't go around saying the rest of us are just talking with bravado just because we'd act differently.
That makes you a doormat. And if you get mad at that, then don't go around saying the rest of us are just talking with bravado just because we'd act differently.
You're single aren't you? Because it's pretty clear that what you know about marriage would fit on the head of a pin.
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