Is traditional dating outdated and online dating the new best way to meet people? (girlfriend, female)
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I didn't respond much beyond the first two messages with the fake profile, so I'm not sure exactly how it would have worked dating in those locations for real. I also kept it pretty brief and light-hearted. What I compared were who viewed me, responded, and replied to a message. My "look" went over much better in some cities than others, which was quite interesting. I tended to notice that there were "types" of women in various locations too - ie: you can tell some places are more into outdoor activities than others, some more into football, some where people read more, etc... and that affects who's attracted to you.
Living in a place is kind of like being in a relationship - so I think if you fit the culture of a place dating must be easier too.
Works the same way for women, too. I'm in a horrible place where people don't read, few are educated beyond high school, very few don't have kids beyond age 25, very few of them don't look so old and worn out when they're above 25, and most of all, everything is mainstream this and mainstream that, zero culture, and absolutely anti-intellectual. I'm above 25 with no kids, educated, don't have kids, not mainstream, I look at least a decade younger than my chronological age, and I love intellectual connections and seek it out all the time (except there's none to be found where I'm at).
Some place just fit better with the person and some don't. It's not fair, but that's how it goes. I want to get out of here, but at this point, it's hard because I came here to be closer to my mother and she refuses to move to be closer to me.
The girl has to do something to indicate she's at least possibly open to being asked out. I've asked girls out in public spaces but only when she said something... anything to me. Ie: I asked one girl out at a coffee shop after talking with her a few minutes, but she started it by asking me if I knew anything about MS Word - she was working on a report and trying to do the citations right.
I asked another one out that was walking around downtown when she asked for directions - I offered to walk her to her destination and asked if she was up for a drink after her event, which she was.
So at a grocery store... she would have to say something...anything, or even give a look like she wants me to talk to her about something..... and that look would have to be obvious because guys don't pick up on subtlety. I'm not going to ask out of the blue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hellokittykatt
I always wished that guys would start conversations with me in public places like at the grocery store or something but the only ones who are confident or even remotely secure enough to talk to me like I'm a human being with a brain are either married guys (they have nothing to lose since it's "safe" that they're married so they're not really flirting) and old guys who are lonely and like having conversation with anyone. I think the issue is, a lot of young guys gave up on doing their job to meet girls in public places because they have to take the initiative and be a leader. When a girl sees that a guy can't be brave enough to even start talking to her, she doesn't respect a guy who's so weak.
Works the same way for women, too. I'm in a horrible place where people don't read, few are educated beyond high school, very few don't have kids beyond age 25, very few of them don't look so old and worn out when they're above 25, and most of all, everything is mainstream this and mainstream that, zero culture, and absolutely anti-intellectual. I'm above 25 with no kids, educated, don't have kids, not mainstream, I look at least a decade younger than my chronological age, and I love intellectual connections and seek it out all the time (except there's none to be found where I'm at).
Some place just fit better with the person and some don't. It's not fair, but that's how it goes. I want to get out of here, but at this point, it's hard because I came here to be closer to my mother and she refuses to move to be closer to me.
It could be a lot of places in any region of the country, but if I were a betting man I'd bet most on some middling to smaller community in the midwest, followed by south, then mountain west. Less likely to be the northeast or west coat but there are spots there too that could qualify. I sometimes feel like that where I am, but at least my town does have a couple bookstores that make me feel better about life.
I always wished that guys would start conversations with me in public places like at the grocery store or something but the only ones who are confident or even remotely secure enough to talk to me like I'm a human being with a brain are either married guys (they have nothing to lose since it's "safe" that they're married so they're not really flirting) and old guys who are lonely and like having conversation with anyone. I think the issue is, a lot of young guys gave up on doing their job to meet girls in public places because they have to take the initiative and be a leader. When a girl sees that a guy can't be brave enough to even start talking to her, she doesn't respect a guy who's so weak.
This is the recurring lament of numerous women, but as with most preferences, the consensus is not unanimous. There are plenty of dissenters who prefer being left alone, and of these, quite a few would not merely bristle upon being accosted, but would react swiftly and acerbically to such solecism. Thus the average male, unless buoyed by raffish feeling of having nothing to lose, would be circumspect and reticent. It's ironic that the least worthy candidates are the most outspoken, and this is also the great misfortune of the attractive woman who garners much male attention, but presumably the wrong attention.
Unfortunately, it is not leadership to approach a woman in a public place, but a cavalier dispensing with the boundaries of polite society. The "leaders" with the gumption to accost you are no such thing; for if they were, your lament would be moot.
Instead I offer this suggestion: that in a modern world of equal rights, the responsibilities also fall equally, and she who wishes to attract a leader must evince the leadership to attract. The price of symmetry is symmetric. And if our brave new world still values the coupling of the best with the best, it must offer suitable schemes and venues beyond the merely public sphere.
The girl has to do something to indicate she's at least possibly open to being asked out. I've asked girls out in public spaces but only when she said something... anything to me. Ie: I asked one girl out at a coffee shop after talking with her a few minutes, but she started it by asking me if I knew anything about MS Word - she was working on a report and trying to do the citations right.
I asked another one out that was walking around downtown when she asked for directions - I offered to walk her to her destination and asked if she was up for a drink after her event, which she was.
So at a grocery store... she would have to say something...anything, or even give a look like she wants me to talk to her about something..... and that look would have to be obvious because guys don't pick up on subtlety. I'm not going to ask out of the blue.
I've been approached at the grocery a few times, unsolicited, and I can think of at least three men I've dated from meeting at the market.
While I was usually preoccupied with my shopping list and I never intentionally gave men any "signals", as far as I'm considered it's not a breach of manners to strike up a casual conversation with a woman at the market while you are standing in line at the checkout, or while trying to find the perfect avocado. Seems perfectly normal to me. But I live in a place where people are friendly and making small talk with people you encounter in your daily life is considered normal.
Works the same way for women, too. I'm in a horrible place where people don't read, few are educated beyond high school, very few don't have kids beyond age 25, very few of them don't look so old and worn out when they're above 25, and most of all, everything is mainstream this and mainstream that, zero culture, and absolutely anti-intellectual. I'm above 25 with no kids, educated, don't have kids, not mainstream, I look at least a decade younger than my chronological age, and I love intellectual connections and seek it out all the time (except there's none to be found where I'm at).
Some place just fit better with the person and some don't. It's not fair, but that's how it goes. I want to get out of here, but at this point, it's hard because I came here to be closer to my mother and she refuses to move to be closer to me.
you seem like a cool person, I would definitely talk to you in a public place. It is hard to find non main stream people ^ ^, and it is way harder to find someone that you wanna date + wanna date you.
I am a young East Asian guy, who has long hair, wears bright colors clothes, I would talk to most people who look at me and smile. I like to go out and meet new people, I am friends with young black males who like martial art, elder white lady who like meditation, yet, it is still very hard for me to find a girl in her 20s or early 30 who find me interesting.
I am really into girls who have some kind of talents that I can relate too, such as singing or playing an instruments, sustainability. So far, I have met 2, 1 at a friend pot luck and 1 on okc.
Where do you cool, non-mainstream girls hang out, I wanna know!
I always wished that guys would start conversations with me in public places like at the grocery store or something but the only ones who are confident or even remotely secure enough to talk to me like I'm a human being with a brain are either married guys (they have nothing to lose since it's "safe" that they're married so they're not really flirting) and old guys who are lonely and like having conversation with anyone. I think the issue is, a lot of young guys gave up on doing their job to meet girls in public places because they have to take the initiative and be a leader. When a girl sees that a guy can't be brave enough to even start talking to her, she doesn't respect a guy who's so weak.
Great post! Agree all the way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
This is the recurring lament of numerous women, but as with most preferences, the consensus is not unanimous. There are plenty of dissenters who prefer being left alone, and of these, quite a few would not merely bristle upon being accosted, but would react swiftly and acerbically to such solecism. Thus the average male, unless buoyed by raffish feeling of having nothing to lose, would be circumspect and reticent. It's ironic that the least worthy candidates are the most outspoken, and this is also the great misfortune of the attractive woman who garners much male attention, but presumably the wrong attention.
I disagree to a certain extent. I think guys psyche themselves most of the time based on unreasonable and imagined assumptions that creates a fear of rejection and good excuse for not approaching someone. The often cited excuses start from a woman's looks (she's too hot, gets approached so much that she doesn't want to be bothered, or she looks like a *****), to other excuses such as she's busy, wants to be left alone, etc. At the end of the day it is the fear of rejection that stands as a barrier to making an approach, and this fear is typically unreasonable.
It is an unreasonable fear because most of the time, a rejection is hardly ever as bad as imagined. A rejection is usually never worse than a private embarrassment for the guy. Unless you do something really stupid, a woman is not going to lash out or publicly humiliate you. I have met many many women in my time through cold approaches and I have never been publicly humiliated or scolded by any of them. Logic tells me that there should have been a percentage of them that wanted to be left alone at the time. But even the anti-social, "leave me alone" types usually reject in a rather friendly manner or, at worst, by ignoring you.
To answer the OPs question: while I do think online dating is going to gain in popularity, I'm pretty certain that at some point it is going to become over saturated with guys to the point where it's going to be a hassle for these guys to deal with. By the way some posters talk about online dating today, that is already happening. Traditional dating will never be outdated as there will always be real men that approach women that they are attracted to (yes, I'm refering to these guys as real men) and don't have to defer to the cheaper alternative of finding a mate.
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