Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Enjoy being single, but don't intentionally close yourself off to a woman who is someone you're interested in, either.
If you want a wife, don't approach as "I want a wife". Approach it as "I'm open to marriage, IF she's someone I truly want to marry". Don't marry just for the sake of it. Date to date, then work out the details if a long-term relationship develops later.
This.
SuperDave, you're advice is right on target. Be open to having fun and dating around, but don't close yourself off to marriage if it is what you truly want.
And OP, I'd also add that the only people who want someone without flaws are superficial people. If that's what you target when you look at women to date, that could be a large part of your problem.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,995,252 times
Reputation: 40635
I never particularly wanted marriage. Never gave it much thought. Still, there were a couple of people I've dated that it spurned the desire to marry, and one I proposed to and engaged (it didn't work out, and it was for the best).
I never really understood the "I want to get married" when there wasn't a "to _____" attached to that statement. Marriage isn't an abstract solo adventure, or something you'd do with just the first potentially suitable candidate. It's a commitment for life. Pretty big stuff there.
My questions are:
What do women beteween 24 and 35 want? Seems like they fish for the "bottom of the barrel" type(im not saying im perfect) but they want a decent guy that has a future. Im confused.
How many of you have been single for 6+ years and somehow got out of it?
For the people that have been single for a long time, how do you stop caring about being single and accept the fact that you might be alone the rest of your life?
How do you stay positive if people around you are constantly sucking face(kissing, PDA,etc.) with the other gender?
I really want to know peoples thoughts are on the 3rd question because I think thats were I am headed unfortunately. I want to stop caring.
Be easy on the responses(that goes for both guys and girls) and give me useful information. Thanks a bunch.
This is my fifth year being happy single. But I have no fear that I will be alone some day. I was born alone. So can be alone too.. that is my view on that. I think I like the free life but I will consider if some one come up with honest effort.
Yes you are correct. I would like a wife. But before that can happen, we would have to be in a relationship for a while. Getting a relationship is the challenging part. I will admit I have got lazy about it. I am exhausted from "trying" so I kinda gave up a little. That's why I want to know how to not care at all anymore and accept that I may be single until death. Not being pessimistic, just being real about it.
If you really want to not care, the solution is easy. Anytime you want to change how you react to something in life the answer is the same: counseling. That's where you go for skilled, professional assistance in quickly changing any aspect of how your mind works that you want to change.
OTOH, if you want a wife, do this: Write a little blurb to tell us what your future wife is like. Then edit out anything visual, and post what remains.
What was striking about your original description was that it only covered how she dresses. That is, frankly, bizarre, and I am not really sure what to make of it. But I think starting with a more normal description might help.
I've been single for six years and I know my reasons why:
-i was too picky. I didn't want to date anyone with flaws and she had to have a rocking body. (even if my body is less than average TBPH)
-my body language was very off putting
-i didn't want to open up. I hated putting myself out there.
-I didn't want to approach women. I wanted to meet them mutually at a place or they come to me.
-The women that were interested in me, i deemed them as not good enough and had a snotty attitude.
-I had or have other personal issues that I'm constantly battling.
-I am my own worst enemy. I always put myself down.
Those are a few reasons why I ma single. There's nothing wrong it. Im still young and there are some good that came out of it.
-use to be a HEAVY drinker; been 7 months sober
-graduated from college
-got good credit, got my dream house, and cars
-have good friends. Learned how to be dependable and generous with friends
-got closer to God
I haven't read all 5 pages of the thread, but as long as you're being honest with yourself, you should find the reasons why you're single.
All in all, I'm trying to give up. I would see an attractive girl somewhere and I have gotten to the point were I don't feel anything about it anymore. I just glance and keep going about my business. Why bother. Its easier just to push the shopping cart down the isle and go about my business for the rest of the day. Versus trying to talk to her and go through BS, just to possibly get shot down(which I'm fine with) and get trashed talked about to her buddies. Rejection is a part of life and I'm fine with it. It just seems that EVRY girl I look at and think is attractive and I want to get to know them, automatically means I can't even get their phone number. Jeez.
You call it "going through BS", while some other guys think of it as enjoying a chat. That's one of your problems. The attitude you bring to interactions makes a difference on the potential outcome. And you say you're fine with being shot down. If so, what's the problem?
Then you imagine scenarios in which women will make jokes about you to your gf's. You're way exaggerating the importance to women of these little random interactions, and you're imagining worst-case scenarios. Something like that would only happen with petty, childish women. It's like a scene from Middle School. The reality is, most women don't care, they just get on with their day.
Are you involved in any hobbies, volunteer activities, or sports groups? That's how to meet women in a low-key way. You can get to know them gradually, and they can get to know you. There are big advantages to this; the random strangers you approach are complete unknowns--you don't know anything about their character or their interests. Most of the women you've ever approached might have undesirable characteristics to you, but you have no way of knowing that in a cold approach. Getting to know women through shared activities, you're able to vet them to a certain degree. And you also may discover women who have a lot in common with you, who you may have passed over if you'd seen them in public walking by. Getting involved in activities with women allows you to get to know a bunch of women at a time.
All of your comments and advice is very helpful. I honestly did not think that many people would respond to me.LOL. Anyway, I have a good way of putting how I'm feeling now days. I'm actually a emotional, want to be romantic, nice guy. Genuinely. Slowly over the years, something has been causing me to rot emotionally. It honestly feels like something has its claws sunk into my flesh and I can't get away from it so I have lately been reaching out for help before I COMPLETELY lose all my emotions and niceness. I have very little left in me which I am trying hard to save because I know it is who I really am. I understand that I am inferior/undesirable to most women and I'm trying to be who they want me to be but I cannot betray myself so I'm sticking to being me and letting go of the fact that no one is coming. Look out world, you have another trashy, wacko old man in the future to deal with!! LOL. It is what it is. I sincerely appreciate each and every one of you guys/gals for your comments and advice. Thsnks
My husband was always shy around women. He got dates, but that's because he is very chatty and friendly, even if he was a bit awkward at first. Yet he also knows how to listen. While not necessarily a trait PUA guys would endorse, there is more than one way to do things.
Once you build a bit of a rapport with a woman you find interesting, feel her out. Not literally, of course. Try to casually work into conversation things that she can respond to that may give you clues as to whether she is single or not. Then ask her for something simple, like coffee. Nothing elaborate.
While being overly chatty can be a negative trait, if nothing else works for you, it might be a way to go. Strike up conversations, but overall, try to do more listening than talking.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
