Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OK, but if it ends badly, are all of the memories gone? Is it the integration of the relationship, or can we treasure a wonderful memory, even with a relationship that is past ... or a relationship that really crashed and burned, not to be unromantic.
OK, but if it ends badly, are all of the memories gone? Is it the integration of the relationship, or can we treasure a wonderful memory, even with a relationship that is past ... or a relationship that really crashed and burned, not to be unromantic.
ummm, sorry, i hate to interrupt but DONT pay attention to the confusing post above. she's (goldenmom) been drinking too much chardonnay this evening!
she was irish and my father forbade me from hanging around her (my parents are very racist), so we would meet each other at the mall end spend our time togehter until it got dark.
she broke up with me for a thick necked wrestler 3 years her senior when we got into highschool. Hes now in prison for a beach brawl that got out of control a few years back. I dont really think about her really since i was about 14 at the time.
OK, but if it ends badly, are all of the memories gone? Is it the integration of the relationship, or can we treasure a wonderful memory, even with a relationship that is past ... or a relationship that really crashed and burned, not to be unromantic.
No, the memories are not gone...not the good ones, it is just the mind that remembers the last first, but if your poke and prod, I believe the good memories will bring a smile to your heart...also....I do believe what I'm about to say....
if a relationship ends badly, doesn't mean the love wasn't right for you, it was...but for him, he did not love you as much b/c he was not capable. He gave you all he could, both mentally and physically, not b/c he is a bad person, but because that is the way he was raised to believe...to act, to be?
But that doesn't mean you love for him was any less profound...and in that rejoice...for you have known the greatness of love....a love God has meant for us to know...it isn't a failure on anyones part....it is simply all they knew at the time...you see, as we age, we should continue to grow, to learn...and as we do, if we proceed with our destiny as we should, then we realize I think, the greatness of the experiences, both good and bad, not to mention, the necessity of them for us to complete our journeys. Each of us, I believe has a certain plan all mapped out...so to speak...and as odd as it sounds, we would never know joy, without the pain, and the more pain we know, the better people we become....I think?
No, the memories are not gone...not the good ones, it is just the mind that remembers the last first, but if your poke and prod, I believe the good memories will bring a smile to your heart...also....I do believe what I'm about to say....
if a relationship ends badly, doesn't mean the love wasn't right for you, it was...but for him, he did not love you as much b/c he was not capable. He gave you all he could, both mentally and physically, not b/c he is a bad person, but because that is the way he was raised to believe...to act, to be?
But that doesn't mean you love for him was any less profound...and in that rejoice...for you have known the greatness of love....a love God has meant for us to know...it isn't a failure on anyones part....it is simply all they knew at the time...you see, as we age, we should continue to grow, to learn...and as we do, if we proceed with our destiny as we should, then we realize I think, the greatness of the experiences, both good and bad, not to mention, the necessity of them for us to complete our journeys. Each of us, I believe has a certain plan all mapped out...so to speak...and as odd as it sounds, we would never know joy, without the pain, and the more pain we know, the better people we become....I think?
Hence, the term, bittersweet?
Whataya think?
Hugs
Creme
For me this is just about more of a fling, if that. I have these wonderful memories, maybe including one of the best days of my life, even though it became very awkward, very quickly. (He just worked for a relative who was *crazy* and I couldn't jeopardize his career). But I just keep pulling this memory from its shelf and then I think "I have no idea if he even thinks good things when I am mentioned, can I really hold onto these memories of him?"
And this isn't even my Canadian ...
Thanks Creme, you're terrific, so thoughtful always
For me this is just about more of a fling, if that. I have these wonderful memories, maybe including one of the best days of my life, even though it became very awkward, very quickly. (He just worked for a relative who was *crazy* and I couldn't jeopardize his career). But I just keep pulling this memory from its shelf and then I think "I have no idea if he even thinks good things when I am mentioned, can I really hold onto these memories of him?"
And this isn't even my Canadian ...
Thanks Creme, you're terrific, so thoughtful always
yes, you hold onto them, that is what joy is all about....create more of these joys...so that you can draw from them when life is not so joyful.....it keeps us filled with a free will that can never die...love and hope for all mankind....if they so choose? It's all up to us, our choice...
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,918 posts, read 6,785,636 times
Reputation: 2708
Quote:
cremebrulee: But that doesn't mean you love for him was any less profound...and in that rejoice...for you have known the greatness of love....a love God has meant for us to know...it isn't a failure on anyones part....it is simply all they knew at the time...you see, as we age, we should continue to grow, to learn...and as we do, if we proceed with our destiny as we should, then we realize I think, the greatness of the experiences, both good and bad, not to mention, the necessity of them for us to complete our journeys. Each of us, I believe has a certain plan all mapped out...so to speak...and as odd as it sounds, we would never know joy, without the pain, and the more pain we know, the better people we become....I think?
Hence, the term, bittersweet?
Good thoughts, Cremebrulee -- glad to see the thread come around again.
To me, with so many years gone by from the old loves, I have forgotten much of the "pain," which I'm sure must have been there, otherwise, it would have been a relationship that continued forever. It just seems that the younger we are, the more intense those first loves are. (I think biology/brain chemistry has something to do with it, but this isn't the place to discuss it....just something I've noticed as I've aged.)
If I knew then what I know now, I probably would've grabbed my "love" and stayed ... and not looked around again. I think that is part of the bittersweetness of our first loves -- that the intensity and feelings still remain -- amazingly intact. Yet, if I date now, or the later I've had a boyfriend/husband, I just don't feel those same feelings now. It's weird.
This is just my opinion, and although I know of people who have met mates later in life, I just think that the younger ages that people are in love (to me that means late teens to mid to late twenties) are the times that our most intense feelings for another develops. The people I know who are still married to their first loves, say that the "passion" is still there -- that they are still enthralled, even as they age, with their mate. To me, that is a wonderful life gift.
I think, too, that people will divorce or separate thinking that there is something "better" out there, when maybe what we had then was really the best. That to me is the conundrum of a past love. Or maybe just all of our senses are so heightened at that point in time, that our thought of having something even beyond what we had at the moment eclipses what we really do have. It is something I have thought a lot about.
I tend to be a "romantic" in that sense, although I'm not a "soppy" romantic with the flowers and candies and all. More romantic in my mind....
I have to admit that I am advising my almost 18-year-old daughter who will be going to college next year, that the people we meet within that ten year period of 18-28 will probably have a significant impact on (her) life. When that passion and exhilaration are there, it's hard at the moment to believe it cannot be duplicated -- and I have found that intense love feeling only three times in my life -- most from long ago.
As I'm older, I appreciate experience, maturity, stability, and other qualities -- but that undefinable passion.....it's just not the same. I know many other women my age (and younger) who feel similarly. It's like a dirty trick....we think we'll keep replicating that passion, that charge, that excitement from one person to the next....and suddenly it all changes.
But those memories, which to me are almost tangible, bring me back to a time and place that held magic for me. And in my mind, they still do. Ah, first loves......*sigh*
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
