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Just something my wife and I were discussing. We have good communication, but there was a discussion a few nights ago that I sometimes bring up things that I think *might* be a conflict beforehand, so as to head it off. She felt that I am creating problems that don't exist by doing this. We're good now, and it was just a minor discussion, but I wonder if there's something to that.
What do you think?
in general, i agree and you should restrain yourself for overly communicating "potential" concerns with your SO, but let me add one more thing: in addition to avoid and discussing unnecessary issues that may not come to fruition, it demonstrates a character weakness, specifically, neediness and seeking validation from SO, which are not the most attractive traits in a man...
Honestly, it sounds like a defense mechanism, not a healthy way of communicating.
It is like walking on eggshells. Actually, "damage control" was the telltale phrase. Does your wife have a lot of rules (even unspoken) about how things should be done?
It puts your relationship in an unhealthy "parent-child" dynamic, with your needing her approval. It ain't good.
0.5%???? raises questions about worthy of complaining about it or even posting a thread on it.
fact of the matter is that if you guys getting along and it isn't even creating a relationship issue, why worry about so long as you are compatible and content with one another.
Good point.
It was just something that was on my mind. I read too much crap (some of it here, honestly) and then my brain won't let it go.
It was just something that was on my mind. I read too much crap (some of it here, honestly) and then my brain won't let it go.
well i think you seem to know what's generating her comments. there is a clinical term for this: ruminating. google and see if it is consistent with your behavior. i'm not saying you have a medical condition, it's often more of a symptom or personality trait. but there are some healthy habits you can incorporate into your lifestyle that could have improvements in overall well being, such as meditation, mindfulness, even prayer helps. good habits whether you ruminate or not, it all about pausing and appreciating the here and now, and draining all that brain static. gratefulness is also a healthy habit.
This was intended to be fairly lighthearted. There is no parent-child dynamic here, nor neediness.
We're talking maybe 0.5% of the time this has even come up.
Ok, I'll take your word for it.
"Needing her approval" is not the same as neediness. More worrisome would be if you were so averse to a negative reaction from her that you do this thinking you will avoid it.
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