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I mean really though. I feel like the majority of the guys in today's world have lost what it means to respect and get to know a girl.
I've just been thinking the past few days about how I have yet to meet a guy at college so far that I'd consider a real 'man'. I don't know where they are hiding or if they actually exist. Every single guy I've met so far was only talking to me so that he can get laid. Which of course I understand is obvious, but it's the way they go about getting it. There are no dates and absolutely no "courting" or whatever it is when the guy is a gentleman. It's like sometimes these guys don't even want to hangout in the day, they just want to see you at night. Can it be more obvious? I'm just wondering at what age will I start to find men who want to actually date. I'm an attractive, single 20 year old girl and I'm having the hardest time finding a guy that genuinely just wants to get to know me.
I know I'm generalizing here, but just being around this age of guys in college has really opened up my eyes to how insane the behavior is sometimes. From witnessing friends deal with these kinds of guys as well countless experiences that I've dealt with.
Please tell me I'll have better luck the older I get?
What do you do that's worthy of being "courted"? If the answer is anything like, "I'm an attractive, single 20 year old girl", then move on, because there's millions more just like you. If you're looking for a more "traditional" scenario where men jumped through a bunch of hoops to be with a woman, then consider what the women were doing in those times as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Blame other women.
They have taught men that they don't have to work for or invest anything in order to get some.
*shrug*
Also, consider that many of the men that DO the "courting"/investing/etc. don't get anything. There's more than one factor at play here. It goes back to "why should they court at all"? Because she's a woman? I think people are growing out of that mindset, and personally, I think it's a good thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anabell3
Thanks. I've been single for so long that I'm just frustrated lol but I know I have to keep waiting
That's part of the problem, and indicative of your mindset. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's statements like this that reek of entitlement. It implies that you shouldn't have to actually DO anything, that you seem to think that continuing to wait will eventually supply you with a solution.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks
If you are desiring a relationship, then keep trying, NOT waiting. Do your homework and find a man that fits your interests the best. I've wasted too much of my life and avoided approaching woman due to shyness. Don't do the same when you are interested in guys. Approach them, and talk with them. Be confident and always know that NO is an acceptable answer.
Yep.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anabell3
Thanks for the advice! I know I have to be more proactive, but I'm a shy person myself. It's something I need to work on but I've definitely been opening up over the years when it comes to approaching guys. I think I'm just figuring out what I'm really looking for too.
Pretty much. In college, a lot of people are still figuring this out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by James_Mansfield
All women like the same 5% of guys, so those guys have their pick. They will have sex with whoever is easiest to have sex with, cause guys are lazy, so in order to have sex with one of those 5% guys the women compete amongst themselves to be easiest.
That's the dynamic. If you don't like it, then you need to not pursue one of the 5%. Most women won't stand for being told this. Anything less than one of those one-in-twenty guys that all the other women want too is "settling". Guys with this same attitude - "I'm holding out for a supermodel" - are ruthlessly shamed.
Definitely.
Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by BradPiff
Just because a guy only wants sex with you doesn't mean he's not a "gentleman" or is a "player", he probably doesn't think you're good enough to be exclusive with or date. I tell women all the time, if the guys your meeting only want to hook up, 9/10 Theyre out of your league or think that they are.
This is a bit more controversial but in years past ladies were ladies, ladies were the fairer sex and were to be put on a pedestal and protected and such. These days women are just as aggressive for lack of a better word as men. Women are confrontational where as in the past would have been meek. I think women becomming more outspoken and not being thse quiet submissive women of past years makes guys feel they no longer have to treat them that way either.
There isn't anything inherently bad about a modern woman wanting sex and going after what she wants. There has to be some evolution from the old-school mating ritual of "men want sex and it's the woman's job to keep him from getting any" which required a lot more game-playing than the way men and women interact now.
So, some men may be easy and want something for nothing. But promiscuous women did have a hand in that. They give it up without a relationship or courting, and guys like that. They continue to want and get that. So when the more traditional woman shows, they'll think she's a prude, being difficult, playing games, or shagging another guy while taking them for a fool. They aren't used to traditional. It's the modern easy women they want, and are used to getting. So, they haven't done much work before, they aren't gonna wanna do any afterward.
This is very true. And OP has already proved to be on the promiscuous side.
This is a bit more controversial but in years past ladies were ladies, ladies were the fairer sex and were to be put on a pedestal and protected and such. These days women are just as aggressive for lack of a better word as men. Women are confrontational where as in the past would have been meek. I think women becomming more outspoken and not being thse quiet submissive women of past years makes guys feel they no longer have to treat them that way either.
I don't know how far back in the past you're going with that, but the 60's pretty much did away with that cliche stuff, I think. There's a happy medium between "confrontational" and more outspoken (I'm not sure what that even has to do with the topic?) and being "protected" and "meek". (Seriously, dude? You want meek? You want pedestals?? I say, good riddance to pedestals!)
I think the OP has set up a false dichotomy. She's wrong in assuming that all men of her generation are a certain way. That's just ignorant. And likewise, not all women in her generation are a certain way. The dudes who are going for the women who are into casual hookups, who you say feel they don't have to treat women special, are a certain type, like the women they hook up with. There's a mass of other guys, though, who haven't written women off as skanks to take advantage of, and there's also a mass of women who are outside the party and hookup scene, who are off the radar.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anabell3
I've just been thinking the past few days about how I have yet to meet a guy at college so far that I'd consider a real 'man'. I don't know where they are hiding or if they actually exist. Every single guy I've met so far was only talking to me so that he can get laid. Which of course I understand is obvious, but it's the way they go about getting it. There are no dates and absolutely no "courting" or whatever it is when the guy is a gentleman. It's like sometimes these guys don't even want to hangout in the day, they just want to see you at night.
hmm. Yeah sounds like alpha males. You need to spend time with the beta males, like the software guys. Also don't be afraid to show interest as opposed to waiting for the men to do so. Beta males don't want to dominate, we want more of an equal relationship.
Personally I like neither NSA nor dating. I think people should start out as platonic friends, meeting for platonic purposes, and see if anything develops between the people who met as friends. Neither has worked for me or will work for me, but just hypothetically, I would want it to be someone I met as a platonic friend. Well it almost worked with "suzy" (not her real name), but I joined the Navy soon after meeting her, and she wanted to meet afterwards but it didn't work because I couldn't tell her beforehand when or if the submarine was going to San Diego (I knew but couldn't say).
There is nothing like "good guys" and "bad guys". All guys want the same from a woman: ---> sex.
The difference is, there are attractive guys and ugly guys. The attractive ones just take everything they get, whereas the ugly guys have to struggle more to get some.
People tend to confuse this. Ugly guys are not necessarily good guys. They just tend to stay into relationships with women and are generally nicer to women, because they don't have as much opportunities as the good-looking guys.
So your generally have 2 choices:
1) have fun with the attractive dude, but understand that it's difficult to get him to commit to you
2) take the ugly guy who will most likely court you and immediately commit, because he lacks opportunities with other women
Three time (I'm 35). Twice during my senior year in high school. I dated one girl for about three months, that was a disaster, and we broke up. Started dating another a couple of months later, then we broke up. I'm not sure what was going on during that small window of time, but it must have been something unusual because I didn't have another girlfriend for over 16 years, until last summer when I started dating someone. That one actually lasted nine months but didn't work out end the end.
I don't want to sound like one of those "nice guys" who actually ends up not being so nice. I've been that guy when I was younger and I've known a few guys like that. But I've also known quite a few guys who truly are just like the kind of men the OP seems to want, and those guys often struggle to attract women. I actually work with one now. Incredibly good guy, not smoking hot but certainly not ugly, and just an all-around good person, yet he's never had a girlfriend (and he's 32). It's not that he hasn't tried, it's that a) single women are just very rare around here, and b) the few who are never give him a chance for whatever reason.
Anyway, my advice is to look for that nice guy who respects you, but just don't play mind games with him. Its simple. Its been a long time since I was in college, and I don't think "hanging out" and expecting to get in a woman's pants is acceptable. Don't settle, but treat a nice guy with respect and appreciation when he does ask you out, rather than to just "hang out".
I mean really though. I feel like the majority of the guys in today's world have lost what it means to respect and get to know a girl.
I've just been thinking the past few days about how I have yet to meet a guy at college so far that I'd consider a real 'man'. I don't know where they are hiding or if they actually exist. Every single guy I've met so far was only talking to me so that he can get laid. Which of course I understand is obvious, but it's the way they go about getting it. There are no dates and absolutely no "courting" or whatever it is when the guy is a gentleman. It's like sometimes these guys don't even want to hangout in the day, they just want to see you at night. Can it be more obvious? I'm just wondering at what age will I start to find men who want to actually date. I'm an attractive, single 20 year old girl and I'm having the hardest time finding a guy that genuinely just wants to get to know me.
I know I'm generalizing here, but just being around this age of guys in college has really opened up my eyes to how insane the behavior is sometimes. From witnessing friends deal with these kinds of guys as well countless experiences that I've dealt with.
Please tell me I'll have better luck the older I get?
Dating during college is tough IMO, because I think most people are A) too busy for a real relationship, B) still busy figuring out who they are, and C) most importantly just trying to explore and have some fun. Keep putting yourself out there and keep an open mind. I think it should get easier for you as you get older, so you might just need to be patient. Don't let the frustration show; just keep putting the best "you" out there.
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Also don't be afraid to show interest as opposed to waiting for the men to do so. Beta males don't want to dominate, we want more of an equal relationship. 