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Creme my heart goes out to you. There are some things in life you can't change. What you can change is the way you react to a situation. Right now your reaction is hurting nobody but you. Your son will always be your son, however he has other roles in life. He is a husband and a father as well. He is a grown man, you don't have to "give him up." You just need to accept the things in his life you can not change. Please stop hurting yourself.
Creme my heart goes out to you. There are some things in life you can't change. What you can change is the way you react to a situation. Right now your reaction is hurting nobody but you. Your son will always be your son, however he has other roles in life. He is a husband and a father as well. He is a grown man, you don't have to "give him up." You just need to accept the things in his life you can not change. Please stop hurting yourself.
while I appreciate your kind concern and warmth, I'm sorry to disagree, but yes I do have to give him up....there is one thing, which no one may not understand...
I have tried for 10 years.....and I will not, after the life I've lived, will NOT compromise who I am, and peace for this woman, not even my son....you don't compromise who you are, and that is what I've been doing....you see, there is a heafty price tag on any relationship with her....in order to see my son, and my grand daughter, I do have to abide by her rules...and I won't live like that for anyone, any more....
I've made my own bed, and now, must sleep in it...and I know some won't agree or even understand what I've done or why, but that doesn't matter...what matters most, is the little bit of time I have left I want to live in peace....and I won't compromise that for anyone....ever.
When my son was growing up, there is no way on God's green earth, that I would have allowed anyone like her in my home. Why now? My son yelled at me once...."If she wasn't my wife, you wouldn't be trying to be friends with her"....and I stopped and looked at him...and said, "Your absolutley right". She knows she has the upper hand, and to boot, my son told me, when they first married he almost left her...that is how bad she is....you have no idea...she is miserable and half the time, probably so angry, she doesn't even know why or what she's angry about....but you can feel sorry for someone so long, and then, enough is enough...yanno, you can take so much and I won't allow her problems to be mine anymore....the cost is way to dear. She is an emotional vampire and her temper is alarming and she doesn't even realize what a bully she is.
So, you see, it is a done deal...and I now must learn to live with it.
I think that *today* she is ok drawing a line and pulling away. Tomorrow (next step, next week, next month) we can help her rebuild the relationship in a more positive, healthy way for her. Again, remember the "triangle". How do you get out of a triangle if not to get out of the triangle?
[Running out the door now - remember I come from an incomprehensible father so I hope this is making sense!].
Don't have much to add to this conversation--just big hugs to you. So sorry about the loss of your mother. Hope 2008 brings peace and happiness you can't even imagine yet.
I think that *today* she is ok drawing a line and pulling away. Tomorrow (next step, next week, next month) we can help her rebuild the relationship in a more positive, healthy way for her. Again, remember the "triangle". How do you get out of a triangle if not to get out of the triangle?
[Running out the door now - remember I come from an incomprehensible father so I hope this is making sense!].
Don't have much to add to this conversation--just big hugs to you. So sorry about the loss of your mother. Hope 2008 brings peace and happiness you can't even imagine yet.
Thanks Marlow...I'm a grown woman, but sometimes, i miss mom so very much...she was a pip...last evening my brotehr and brother in law were over and we were remembering together....Oh, gosh, she was a great lady....and we'll be fine, but we will never stop missing her....I am so glad we were all with her when she passed...I know she was happy about that.....and she was being a mom, right up until the end....LOL....
She left us with lots of fond memories and knowing she loved us very much.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenmom7500
I think that *today* she is ok drawing a line and pulling away. Tomorrow (next step, next week, next month) we can help her rebuild the relationship in a more positive, healthy way for her. Again, remember the "triangle". How do you get out of a triangle if not to get out of the triangle?
[Running out the door now - remember I come from an incomprehensible father so I hope this is making sense!].
I agree. My problem is that when someone is hurting, I habitually try to make them laugh, smile. So Creme, I sending you virtual comfort foods....
I made French onion soup last night....still simmering...
Let me grill you a virtual panini on cranberry and hazelnut bread....
Followed up by those great little Hershey Kiss cookies.....
and some butter rum coffee this evening while we are curled up watching my fantasy husband, Brian Williams, read the news.
And there lies my true defense mechanism...the evening news. There is so much pain and turmoil in the world, that my own pain and turmoil seems like a true gift of growth and understanding; knowledge attained by living.
Resilience found in the evening news...and in books...and in calls to old friends.
{insert hug here, followed by the gentle shaking of both shoulders and then another hug}
Be sad...that feels good too....but then pick yourself up and be ready for him. He's going to need you again, promise.
Now go on with your inner rock star self.
"I am grateful that L will be happy and strong tomorrow."
Your a wise woman and a good friend....
there are times, when, when you win, you loose, and visa versa...in this case, even though perhaps in this life, she wins, but not really....cuz deep down inside, my son knows, in the deepest part of his heart. He knows....you don't win a situation like this....my son, looses big time...no matter what happens....and as for her, someday, she will pay dearly, if not in this life, then the next...so, no one wins.....
{insert hug here, followed by the gentle shaking of both shoulders and then another hug}
Be sad...that feels good too....but then pick yourself up and be ready for him. He's going to need you again, promise.
Now go on with your inner rock star self.
"I am grateful that L will be happy and strong tomorrow."
Your a wise woman and a good friend....
thank you
Creme
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