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It looks like the both of you are very busy, you both talk about the children and the buisness, all i see is something very common in this busy world.
My sugestion would be to sit down face to face, no children around and talk about it, tell him how you feel, if he gets defensive tell him you understand how busy he is but tell him your side. Try to work it out before you run to councling, he could take offence if not, but if you can't work it out between the two of you then that would be an option.
A nice vacation may be in order.
Good luck
Hey, thanks for the fast replies! I aready have a smile on my face.
Cali Bass Man, Funny you should say that. The other day I put my husbands winter coat on to go outside to shovel. When I put my hands in the pocket, guess what I pulled out? An empty bottle of Viagra. EMPTY? Hmmmm was I not awake? I don't remember any situation in the last four months that Viagra would need to be used. I'm not worried about an affair, I know where he is 24 hours a days. At the factory where he works, at our liquor store, or home. He did see me pull it out. I could tell he was flustered. I just ignored it and turned my attention to something else without skipping a beat.. I didn't want him embarrassed and didn't bring the subject up. You see, it's fun being at our liquor store. It's something he is very good at. He was a beer salesman for 25 years prior. He knows all the salesman, all our regulars are fun to be aroundand they all like him. He can be very personable. just an all around fun place to be.
Twinkle Toes, I do want to live with him the rest of my life. I love him and want to take care of him. I have tried many times to tell the kids not to interupt and I get a disapproving look from my husband. Before we were married we had LOTS AND LOTS of fun together! Everyday was a blast. Now he just wants to read the newspaper. What's with this? I don't care if I ever see another "newspaper" again. Geez, his wife is right in front of him and he wants to read the paper! Any suggestions on how to get that spark back? You mentioned you had counseling and it help. Can you give me more info. on how it helped
Stargazer. I know he would never go to a councelor. But maybe me. I'll think seriously about it.
MIU, We have the liquor store for my husbands retirement. Bought it last year, will be paid off in two more years. Then he retires from his full time factory job. I Manage a motel full time. Plus do the book work for the owners other two business. Plus we both work at the liquor store.
My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married for 3. I'm 38, he is 57. I have a 15 year old daughter from a previous. We have two daughters together, 7 and 4 years old. We both have full time jobs and own a successful retail store. Yes, we are very busy people.
The problem I have is that my husband pays very little attention to me, me as a person, me as his wife. Sure, we talk about our business, we talk about the kids, we do NOTHING together as a couple. Making love will happen two or three times a year! I feel like a have a business partner and a roommate.
I'm good looking, tall, thin, great sense of humor, always positive and love to have fun. I bust my butt everyday to make sure the house is clean, always a meal on the table, bills are paid, an issue arise, I take care of it,etc... In our personal life I ask nothing from him I do it all.
Example, the ceiling in our utility room is leaking water and sagging from all the ice and snow we have. He goes to work. I take the kids to a sitter, go to our store and do paper work, call around for someone to fix the roof, then go to work for 7 hours, make supper, plan a birthday party for our seven year old for the next day, clean the house, make supper, and take down x-mas tree and decorations. Did I mention, he went to work, comes home, eats supper, talks to the kids, and is in bed by 7 p.m! Any "Gee thanks" Nope, he must have forgot.
Anything he asks for, I take care of, always with a smile on my face, always the second he asks. And I don't mind, in fact I like taking care of it all. I keep doing more and more just to say "hey, do you like me now"? "Now will you pay attention to me." My whole life revolves around him, what time he goes to work, what time he comes home, what time he goes to bed (works at 4am)
What 57 year old man, married to a 38 year old women, would not want this? In fact alot of his friends and co workers joke around and make comments like "She's YOUR wife" Wow, you are one lucky man" How did an old guy like you get ahold of her" Which makes him very happy!!!!!!
But somedays I get so sad. He doesn't go out of his way for me. When he comes home, no smile for me. Oh sure, I get Hi, how was you day? not that he isn't happy, he always tells me how much he loves his life. How happy he is.... I try having a conversation with him, one of the kids will enterupt and I'm cut off mid sentence while they get his full attention.
He isn't mean to me or grouchy. In the past I have told him how I feel. But he gets defensive, "I work all the time, I tired, I can't help it." and tells me (with slight sarcasim) that he will try to pay more attention to me and try to help out more. It lasts about 2 weeks.
His idea of a night alone together is reading the newspaper and falling asleep early. I don't read newspapers.
He does work very hard. A full time 12 hour a day job. Plus 10-15 a week at our store. (he does the buying and I manage the employees and the books)
so I understand that he is tired.
Hes not a stupid man, he is very smart, intellectual. I'm not the intellectual type that uses big words no one can understand. Although I have managed a motel for 11 years, three other businesses and now our store. His mother raised the three kids with I.Q tests. (whole nother story)
HELP! What can I do for him to put ME first once and awhile? Make me feel important. I'm not asking for all the time. Just enough to feel appreciated.
Hey, thanks for the fast replies! I aready have a smile on my face.
Cali Bass Man, Funny you should say that. The other day I put my husbands winter coat on to go outside to shovel. When I put my hands in the pocket, guess what I pulled out? An empty bottle of Viagra. EMPTY? Hmmmm was I not awake? I don't remember any situation in the last four months that Viagra would need to be used. I'm not worried about an affair, I know where he is 24 hours a days. At the factory where he works, at our liquor store, or home. He did see me pull it out. I could tell he was flustered. I just ignored it and turned my attention to something else without skipping a beat.. I didn't want him embarrassed and didn't bring the subject up. You see, it's fun being at our liquor store. It's something he is very good at. He was a beer salesman for 25 years prior. He knows all the salesman, all our regulars are fun to be aroundand they all like him. He can be very personable. just an all around fun place to be.
Twinkle Toes, I do want to live with him the rest of my life. I love him and want to take care of him. I have tried many times to tell the kids not to interupt and I get a disapproving look from my husband. Before we were married we had LOTS AND LOTS of fun together! Everyday was a blast. Now he just wants to read the newspaper. What's with this? I don't care if I ever see another "newspaper" again. Geez, his wife is right in front of him and he wants to read the paper! Any suggestions on how to get that spark back? You mentioned you had counseling and it help. Can you give me more info. on how it helped
Stargazer. I know he would never go to a councelor. But maybe me. I'll think seriously about it.
Well if you found An empty bottle of Viagra in his pocket and you two only have sex 2 or 3 times a year then why would he have that? that would be an eye opener for sure, he would only have one reason to have viagra and why would it be empty? I would have a long talk about this.
The boots on the other foot here I'm the older husband, work seems to be killing your affair, and just for the record why don't you gently whisper something to him (that he really likes) before he goes of to work, it might play on his mind through the day and he might not fall asleep.
Your right I do multi task. He has even said, when we had this discussion in the past. He said I act like I don't mind. Oh, just because I don't complain like other women, means I like it?
famenity, keep talking. I think I could learn alot from you!
Whisper what? Something like this "Why is there an empty bottle of Viagra in your pocket?"
Sorry, I couldn't resist! I really do know what you mean.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,317 posts, read 8,662,258 times
Reputation: 6391
Well I've ben married for 26 years and boy oh boy let me tell you,.....10 nights in Maui can really get your love life back on track... we spent or 25th Anniversary there...
Go on vacation, just the 2 of you, and dress up in a nighty every night.. fun is a coming...
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