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I'm going to try to keep this short and to the point.
I'm a sophomore in college who has been a relationship for a 2 years. My boyfriend is in the army and currently stationed away (still in the US, but different state). I recently found out I'm pregnant. Yes, we used precautions, it was just one of those freak things.
I have decided that the best choice for me would be to terminate.
I don't want/need advice on my decision to have an abortion, please don't make that the topic of discussion.
I'm not in the position to raise a child. I'm in the middle of school, I don't have the financial resources and my relationship with my boyfriend isn't a stable one. It's a decision that I have thoroughly thought about, not whimsically, and it's what I want to do.
Before I found out I was pregnant, I had a lot of problems with my boyfriend. Long story short, it's not a relationship that I believe will last. I'm pretty much at my ending point and I'm ready to break things off, however, this pregnancy has complicated things.
Of course, despite not wanting to be in a relationship with him anymore, I told him about my pregnancy. I also explained to him that I wanted to terminate, because it just wasn't the time for me to have a baby. Like I said, I've thought about this decision, weighed all the options and came to the conclusion that this is what is best for me in my current situation.
He didn't (doesn't) want the relationship to end and insisted that I continue with the pregnancy full-term. Now, in my mind, I have no doubt that this is his ploy to "keep" me around and that he honestly believes that having a child will make our relationship work. I told him that I made my decision, but I did not feel right going ahead and terminating without talking to him first. I guess I expected him to be understanding.
I find out that he hacked into my Facebook (I'd given him the password months ago over an argument of another guy he was suspicious of. I didn't have anything to hide and uninterested in fighting so I just gave him the password) and posted a status, divulging my pregnancy to the public.
A few hours later I received a panicked text from my mother asking me what was going on. At this point, I hadn't told her about it, and I hadn't decided if I wanted to (I'm 19 so parental consent wasn't an issue). I found out that he'd sent my mother a text (in the hopes that she would convince me to continue with the pregnancy) telling her that I was pregnant, that I planned on having an abortion and that he wanted me to keep the baby and he was willing to step up. I was angry and upset that he would go behind my back and tell my mother, of all people, of what was going on. I came clean to her and she accepted my decision.
At this point, I'm beyond mortified and upset and baffled by his behaviour. My question is, should I just cut off communication entirely, and go ahead with my decision? Would I be wrong to have the abortion and not allow him further input? I'm just fed up with the way he is reacting to this. I understand if he was upset, I can empathize with that, but going out and purposefully attacking me and trying to turn my family against me?
I'm just at a complete loss.
Last edited by village801; 01-31-2015 at 04:57 PM..
Me too. You should have never told anyone if you plan on terminating the pregnancy. At this point you dropped a bomb and everyone knows now that it is on facebook.
All you can do now is bear the fallout.
Tough break. I would deactivate my account and go ahead with your plans. It doesn't sound like you are in the best sound mind to be raising a baby now. I am not saying this to be mean, just being honest. Oh yes, cut off communication with your boyfriend. Lie through your teeth- tell everyone it was a false alarm or that you miscarried. Then learn from your mistakes and think things though before you announce things to the world.
Me too. You should have never told anyone if you plan on terminating the pregnancy. At this point you dropped a bomb and everyone knows now that it is on facebook.
All you can do now is bear the fallout.
Tough break. I would deactivate my account and go ahead with your plans. It doesn't sound like you are in the best sound mind to be raising a baby now. I am not saying this to be mean, just being honest. Oh yes, cut off communication with your boyfriend. Lie through your teeth- tell everyone it was a false alarm or that you miscarried. Then learn from your mistakes and think things though before you announce things to the world.
As far as I'm concerned, no one has mentioned anything to me about seeing the post on Facebook. It was only up for an hour, at best, before I caught on.
I'm hoping no one saw it, but who knows.
I'm not ashamed by my decision. Of course, I'm not ready to broadcast to the world and I didn't plan on telling anyone through Facebook, but it's not something that I'm too freaked out about.
I'm more concerned with his behaviour and what else he plans to do to retaliate or humiliate me.
You have to do what you think is best for you both now and in the long term.
He tried to shame you into continuing the pregnancy, which wasn't right. You know the relationship is not going to work, you may as well do it now. Or, when he returns from training, which is better, depending on how long it is....
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You have to do what you think is best for you both now and in the long term.
He tried to shame you into continuing the pregnancy, which wasn't right. You know the relationship is not going to work, you may as well do it now. Or, when he returns from training, which is better, depending on how long it is....
Exactly. I know that this is the right choice for me.
Wait to do what? Break up with him or terminate the pregnancy?
Yes, it is his child, too. However, you can't change biology and you would be the one carrying the child and doing most of the caring for the child once it's born. It's your body and your decision. It's one thing for him to want you to keep the baby - it's quite another for him to post something on your Facebook page and telling your mother. Furthermore, a baby doesn't hold a crumbling relationship together - it will only rip it apart. His head isn't in the right place. I would let him know all this and then try to cut off contact.
I think you should go ahead and terminate. If he wants a kid that bad, he can always have it with some other woman. You're both young so it's certainly not the case that it's now or never.
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