Wife has really low to no libido...... (movies, marriage, women)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Been married 12 yrs, I'm mid 40's, she's early 40's. 3 kids under 10. We used to have a pretty good sex life, it was spontaneous, we did things to/for eachother, etc. but that's all gone way down hill.
Now, it's work for her to have sex and usually, she makes it seem like she just wants me to get on and get it over with. I have to initiate it 100% of the time and I only have about a 20% success rate when I want to have sex. We probably have it 3x month or so.
She recently tested low for testosterone but she also uses the excuse of how little sex some of our other married friends have (which I don't give a crap about how good or bad our friends sex lives are, I care about mine) so she sort of uses that as her justification.
Guys, you in a similar situation? Did you get it to improve?
Ladies, are you like my wife? What's the deal?
It sounds to me like one of a number of things could be going on, and there is not enough info to nail down what. It could be a medical/personal issue as her body ages and changes. It could be a fatigue or stress issue depending on how much is on her plate and how content (or not content) she is in general at the moment. It could be a relationship issue between the two of you. If things have not been "well" between you two, she may just not be in that kind of mood.
So really, it is hard to say. How has your relationship been otherwise? Has the change in libido been gradual, or was it sudden? Has things changed significantly in your household, in your lives, work situations, financial situations, etc? Has your romantic relationship between yourselves been strong, and growing, or has it wained? How has she "felt" lately otherwise? Good? Stressed? Tired?
This is crucial, and I think a lot of people underestimate just how much a toll imbalanced hormones can take on women. Mine were all out of whack for a while, and I had zero desire for sex, in spite of having an awesome and very hot husband; I honestly felt like I could easily go the rest of my life without sex and would be totally fine with that. Yeah, I know .
Anyway, the hormone issue is very important, and it is also something that can be worked on. Diet is really important, so if that is an issue you can gently broach the subject of limiting the junk foods in the house and cleaning up the both of your diets. What also doesn't help is maintaining a sex life around 3 young kids (BTDT, bought the t-shirt), but I found that what helps a lot is to commit to scheduling sex, at least until she gets back in the groove. Sex drive can be use-it-or-lose it with women, because hormone levels drop off is we're not getting laid often enough. So, start out with once a week, then twice a week, and so on. She's going to need time and patience to get back into it (assuming there are no other issues that need to be worked out), so go slow, with tons of making out and affection beforehand.
Been married 12 yrs, I'm mid 40's, she's early 40's. 3 kids under 10. We used to have a pretty good sex life, it was spontaneous, we did things to/for eachother, etc. but that's all gone way down hill.
Now, it's work for her to have sex and usually, she makes it seem like she just wants me to get on and get it over with. I have to initiate it 100% of the time and I only have about a 20% success rate when I want to have sex. We probably have it 3x month or so.
She recently tested low for testosterone but she also uses the excuse of how little sex some of our other married friends have (which I don't give a crap about how good or bad our friends sex lives are, I care about mine) so she sort of uses that as her justification.
Guys, you in a similar situation? Did you get it to improve?
Ladies, are you like my wife? What's the deal?
Too be honest with you my wife would like sex every day. She is mid 40's.
I would say you are not satisfying her emotionally or you are bad in bed.
So which is it? Do you do the dishes? Compliment her on her beauty? Get her coffee or beverage? Help with the kids? Run her a bath and take the kids to the movies while she relaxes in the warm bath?
Funnyman has a point. When my kids were young and I was still married, I was so overwhelmed with the kids and house stuff and so angry that the dh didn't lift a finger to help that we weren't having sex at all.
If you are not helping out with the kids and being loving outside of the bedroom, don't expect her to want to jump into bed with you. Of course this is just my experience, but in my marriage I needed to feel loved and appreciated to want to have sex and he just needed to be breathing. ;-)
In their 40's, women often feel a decrease in attractiveness. If a woman doesn't FEEL sexy, then she might not feel like having sex. Also, three kids under 10 can be exhausting -- particularly so if she works outside the home. (And if she is a stay-at-home, she might be a little bored with her life in general.)
Usually, I look on suggestions like, "take her on a romantic date" as kind of trite, but in this case, it might be just what you both need. If you have any relatives or close friends, asking them to watch the kids overnight might be a good idea, too.
Also, TALK to her and ask her if there is anything you can do to re-ignite the spark between you. (HInt: it would help if you present it in a way that she thinks this conversation is about HER and not about you!)
It sounds to me like one of a number of things could be going on, and there is not enough info to nail down what. It could be a medical/personal issue as her body ages and changes. It could be a fatigue or stress issue depending on how much is on her plate and how content (or not content) she is in general at the moment. It could be a relationship issue between the two of you. If things have not been "well" between you two, she may just not be in that kind of mood.
So really, it is hard to say. How has your relationship been otherwise? Has the change in libido been gradual, or was it sudden? Has things changed significantly in your household, in your lives, work situations, financial situations, etc? Has your romantic relationship between yourselves been strong, and growing, or has it wained? How has she "felt" lately otherwise? Good? Stressed? Tired?
This is tremendous advice, all points worth considering. There isn't one answer that fits all.
i'll share my perspective as the wife. I have a low libido, and I'm only 31 but have pretty much have been like this all my life. I don't have an answer, except I believe it is hormonally driven. I do know that no external factors like romance, boredom, help around the house, or attractiveness of the husband play any sort of role. It's a physiological lack of desire and I don't feel like it's under my control at all - I wish it was! I've never had my testosterone tested but I suspect mine is low as well - I'm very stereotypically feminine in body shape and lots of other things. However as far as I know that's not an easy problem for women to fix since any testosterone supplementation comes with a bunch of fairly serious side effects that I for one wouldn't be willing to risk just for potential libido improvement - starting with things like facial hair growth which I'm sure won't make me feel any sexier. I did find that doing weight training and trying to eat more protein helps my drive considerably, probably since it naturally boosts test. levels. Also like someone said it's 'use it or lose it' - I find that even though I may not feel like it, I'll often enjoy it once we get started.
I also find that because it's not generally on my mind during the day, especially when you're wrapped up in the mommy mindset which is so not sexy, I need to make a conscious effort to switch modes at night. Like many women I can't just go from putting my son to bed to jumping in the sack, which is also why it's hard to be spontaneous when you have kids. Spending an hour or so relaxing with a glass of wine, taking a bath, and mentally getting myself in the mood helps a lot.
Also, how do you approach your wife for sex or initiate it? This may be different for other women, but for me personally getting turned on is a lot about how I feel about myself and how DH makes me feel rather than anything he does physically. I want to be pursued and to feel wanted, and I find it impossible to turn him down if I see his eyes burning and him telling me how fantastic I look and how much he wants me. Try doing something unexpected with your wife, like grabbing her when she's not expecting it, giving her a passionate kiss and telling her she's beautiful. Don't necessarily expect it to lead to sex but see where it goes. Don't be afraid to get slightly rough, most women i know love that - when she sees that you want her so much that you can't control yourself. One issue that we have with my husband is that HE likes me to take the initiative sometimes too and to be like that with him, which I can understand but that just does nothing for me and I don't like putting on an act.
Anyways, just some ideas for you. Rethink how you approach her.
Been married 12 yrs, I'm mid 40's, she's early 40's. 3 kids under 10. We used to have a pretty good sex life, it was spontaneous, we did things to/for eachother, etc. but that's all gone way down hill.
Now, it's work for her to have sex and usually, she makes it seem like she just wants me to get on and get it over with. I have to initiate it 100% of the time and I only have about a 20% success rate when I want to have sex. We probably have it 3x month or so. She recently tested low for testosterone but she also uses the excuse of how little sex some of our other married friends have (which I don't give a crap about how good or bad our friends sex lives are, I care about mine) so she sort of uses that as her justification.
Guys, you in a similar situation? Did you get it to improve?
Ladies, are you like my wife? What's the deal?
So, what has been done to follow up on that? What did her doc say? Or is she avoiding addressing it? Instead of making a big deal out of it, talk to her about it, and suggest she just try a little T supplementation, just as an experiment for a few weeks to see how she feels with it. Try to be easy-going about it, instead of applying pressure, so she'll be less likely to push back (hopefully). She should try it, just to see if she likes the results. Right now, she probably feels like sex just isn't important. But she may enjoy the little boost in sexual energy, if she gives herself a chance to have that.
Otherwise, what have you done to give her opportunities for down time? Do you guys hire a babysitter for an evening out now and then? Have you done any weekend getaways, just for fun? With 3 kids, and at least one probably isn't school-aged yet, she might appreciate a little help at home, like someone to clean for one afternoon a week, if that's an option.
I heard theres a pill for woman for low libido can take that can resolve that low libido problem.
As someone who has a high libido I surely desire someone who has a high libido as well of course not just those factors those....
Never desired to had some one with low libido even after years have passed I love keeping a relationship or marriage hot passionate and burning as much as I can.
Be honest and straight out those most people say wait and all but then who are you supposed to get sex from then if not YOUR WIFE?. Talk to your wife about it and be honest don't make it an annoying chore for you to constantly do
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. 
