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Regarding my lack of motivation, I feel it's the same as people who put off exercising, dieting, quitting smoking etc. We aren't always motivated to do the things that are good for us. There's also an element of dread too. The issues that I have are emotionally draining to think about and discuss. I wouldn't even know where to start.
Nope, not angered by the curiousity/questions.
I can understand the dread - but I wouldn't put it off. When I saw a therapist, it was often the highlight of my day. It's very cathartic to talk about your feelings with someone who can help you deal with them.
It's just an exhausting thought to think about going to therapy to attempt to reprogram my thought processes. There's just way too much to address!
This I can agree with. I had a friend suggest some therapy to me once, because I had such problems getting a relationship to last. It truly went in one ear and out the other.
I did therapy from 8-10 years old to deal with my Dad going to prison. I needed therapy at that time, because I was an emotional wreck and just couldn't stop crying.
Now, I don't need therapy to help me date. I just haven't met the right person, or the right person hasn't met me yet. Yes, the OP is pretty closed off to the world around her, yet I've met plenty people that live a similar lifestyle and have partners. It just requires more luck than skill to find. A therapist really can't fix that. Like the saying goes in sports, "you can't teach height". I think the same thing is in play here.
SLS is probably overall a little burnt out on the dating process and is making the right decision by taking a break. Each time you meet someone and it doesn't go anywhere, your emotional wall gets a little taller. A few years of that and you can see why people take breaks from dating.
I just don't think therapy is always the answer to people's problems. SLS appears very comfortable with her lifestyle, even though she's still proclaiming that she's taken a vow of solitude. Some people make proclamations to keep themselves accountable. It's why people enter weight competitions at their workplace. It's the best way for them to stay accountable for 3-6 months.
Settle down. You're off base. What you're saying is inaccurate. I've posted many a thread on here that have stretched 50+ pages worth of suggestions and critiques from posters here. And I'm a man. It has nothing to do with OP's gender and nobody is being hostile or rude to her. Most of us responding are intrigued by her situation and concerned for her happiness and well-being.
No need for me to settle down because I am not riled up and nope I am not off base at all. Didn't say anyone was being rude and hostile but some of the remarks were as though OP just can't be feeling this way, that there has to be other factors causing her to believe the way she believes about leaving dating behind. Unfortunately the more she engages these responses, the more people will chime in and present her with all of this advice she wasn't truly seeking.
Why can't you all accept that she IS happy with her decision and is being true to herself by no longer engaging in limited relationships with others? I saw suggestions of her seeking therapy, being gay, not being authentic in her new discovery, etc.
No need for me to settle down because I am not riled up and nope I am not off base at all. Didn't say anyone was being rude and hostile but some of the remarks were as though OP just can't be feeling this way, that there has to be other factors causing her to believe the way she believes about leaving dating behind. Unfortunately the more she engages these responses, the more people will chime in and present her with all of this advice she wasn't truly seeking.
Why can't you all accept that she IS happy with her decision and is being true to herself by no longer engaging in limited relationships with others? I saw suggestions of her seeking therapy, being gay, not being authentic in her new discovery, etc.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,191,467 times
Reputation: 40641
Quote:
Originally Posted by KeraKera
Why can't you all accept that she IS happy with her decision and is being true to herself by no longer engaging in limited relationships with others?
Because she isn't a new poster and we've engaged with her for months or years, and most of us understand from what she's revealed to us that she probably isn't truly HAPPY with the decision. (And generally people that are truly happy with personal decisions like this don't announce it on public forums)
BTW, being "true" to oneself is often a huge cop out.
This I can agree with. I had a friend suggest some therapy to me once, because I had such problems getting a relationship to last. It truly went in one ear and out the other.
I did therapy from 8-10 years old to deal with my Dad going to prison. I needed therapy at that time, because I was an emotional wreck and just couldn't stop crying.
Now, I don't need therapy to help me date. I just haven't met the right person, or the right person hasn't met me yet. Yes, the OP is pretty closed off to the world around her, yet I've met plenty people that live a similar lifestyle and have partners. It just requires more luck than skill to find. A therapist really can't fix that. Like the saying goes in sports, "you can't teach height". I think the same thing is in play here.
SLS is probably overall a little burnt out on the dating process and is making the right decision by taking a break. Each time you meet someone and it doesn't go anywhere, your emotional wall gets a little taller. A few years of that and you can see why people take breaks from dating.
I just don't think therapy is always the answer to people's problems. SLS appears very comfortable with her lifestyle, even though she's still proclaiming that she's taken a vow of solitude. Some people make proclamations to keep themselves accountable. It's why people enter weight competitions at their workplace. It's the best way for them to stay accountable for 3-6 months.
You have a different mindset than the OP. After reading her posts for awhile - I think she could really benefit from therapy. And that's not to say that she needs "fixing" - I just think that she has some things going on that a therapist can really help her sort out. I don't think that therapy is ever a bad idea.
I have a feeling that you'll cross paths with someone that you can connect with on that level.. it just will happen unexpectedly...
Nope. All of us are a work in progress. Everything we know about how to do stuff comes from doing it. The little girl in second grade that you had feelings for. The girls in high school that you crushed on. The ones you got, the ones you didn't. It all goes into making you the husband that you are, for good, or ill. People who wind up as adults with no dating history taste funny to people who do. It sets up a vicious cycle of repulsion. I haven't seen my wife's friends that shares the o.p. situation ever find anybody. Me and my wife are closer to 60 than to 30. So are her friends... ...
No need for me to settle down because I am not riled up and nope I am not off base at all. Didn't say anyone was being rude and hostile but some of the remarks were as though OP just can't be feeling this way, that there has to be other factors causing her to believe the way she believes about leaving dating behind. Unfortunately the more she engages these responses, the more people will chime in and present her with all of this advice she wasn't truly seeking.
Why can't you all accept that she IS happy with her decision and is being true to herself by no longer engaging in limited relationships with others? I saw suggestions of her seeking therapy, being gay, not being authentic in her new discovery, etc.
You're taking things out of context, misconstruing them, and being over dramatic. Another tried and true C-D Social Justice Warrior at work.
I have nothing else to say, because I think these guys said it best...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
I think the OP can speak for herself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Because she isn't a new poster and we've engaged with her for months or years, and most of us understand from what she's revealed to us that she probably isn't truly HAPPY with the decision. (And generally people that are truly happy with personal decisions like this don't announce it on public forums)
BTW, being "true" to oneself is often a huge cop out.
You have a different mindset than the OP. After reading her posts for awhile - I think she could really benefit from therapy. And that's not to say that she needs "fixing" - I just think that she has some things going on that a therapist can really help her sort out. I don't think that therapy is ever a bad idea.
My SO was saying to me that she has this friend that she has known for 10 years. All this time the firend has been seeing a therapist. In fact the friend has been seeing this therapist for the better part of 30 years. The friend has never married, never had sex, and has never resolved the issues with her father that brought her to therapy in the first place. My SO kind of joked about the fact that the therapist probably could have bought a house with all the money her friend has given her over the decades but what has the firend gotten out of it. That's kind of my experience with it as well. I don't come from a culture that is into therapy, but being the un-bounded individual that I am I have acquaintances that are in those cultures. My considered, highly objective and rational assessment is that therapy is a pile of ****. The only people who get anything out of it are the practitioners. Just saying.
H (which isn't to say that talking things out is of no benefit... I'm a good listener, and I don't charge for my time. The o.p., and anyone else who feels like it, is free to contact me anytime. Unlike a board certified ***, I actually will help you get to the root of your problems in your lifetime. )
You have a different mindset than the OP. After reading her posts for awhile - I think she could really benefit from therapy. And that's not to say that she needs "fixing" - I just think that she has some things going on that a therapist can really help her sort out. I don't think that therapy is ever a bad idea.
Exactly! A big reason people see a therapist is to better understand themselves so that they can start living and viewing life through a healthier mindset. I have a close friend who is currently seeing a therapist, and much of it stems from how she treats relationships.
And IMO, posting a topic on a public forum is often times not merely a "let me just get this off my chest" opportunity, it's a cry for help without explicitly asking for help. Otherwise, why would you express it to the public?
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