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Just take the statement from the OP at face value and leave it there, damn. She was just venting and wasn't asking for all of these suggestions, questions, accusations, etc. I believe since she's a woman saying this, it causes others to not respect her stance, hence some of the remarks in here. We all know if a man stated this, his space would be respected and there would be less intrusion.
You are right. I wasn't asking for suggestions on how to improve my life, but I don't mind the feedback since I think it's coming from a positive place. No harm done!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,711 posts, read 41,896,644 times
Reputation: 41447
I think therapy is publicly traded on the NYSE and half the posters here hold therapy stock. Why the hell else would they suggest it so much when OP has called it a day on the matter?
I think therapy is publicly traded on the NYSE and half the posters here hold therapy stock. Why the hell else would they suggest it so much when OP has called it a day on the matter?
I think therapy is publicly traded on the NYSE and half the posters here hold therapy stock. Why the hell else would they suggest it so much when OP has called it a day on the matter?
lol, well it is nice to hear that a few people here really thought therapy helped them. If I had a really positive therapy experience, I'd probably recommend it to others too.
I've decided that it's time that I officially give up dating. I've never gotten anything out of it and I've never felt that it's improved my quality of life in any way. It's only something I pursued because I had hopes of being "normal" like everyone else, but it's just not for me. I am over 30 and I think I lack the ability to have real feelings for a man. I was only ever interested in whether I found them physically attractive, but I can't connect on a level any deeper than that, yet I don't want them for casual sex. I thought it would be nice to get married and have a family (and I'm sure it is for some people), but since I cannot make a genuine connection, it's just not going to happen. I have things in my life that I'm excited about and looking forward to, but they don't include dating and relationships. I can no longer go through the motions of trying to make small talk with guys on Tinder because I see that it's all pointless and never going to lead to anything good. Maybe one day I'll meet someone offline and things will be different, but I doubt it. So that's that. I wish you all the best in your romantic endeavors!
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,157,460 times
Reputation: 40640
Quote:
Originally Posted by kat949
I'm all in support for OP.
The way people treat each other and dating these days? I don't blame her. Sheesh!
A) How do people "treat each other" these days? I don't see any difference over my decades of dating.
B) She isn't complaining about how people treat her. That isn't the issue.
I've taken a few breaks from dating and told my friends I was taking time out to focus on myself.
Most single people take breaks. Many of them eventually talk about it with friends or family, either voluntarily or in response to well-meaning, if nosy, questions about whether they're dating someone. My point is that they don't announce it on message boards.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Because she isn't a new poster and we've engaged with her for months or years, and most of us understand from what she's revealed to us that she probably isn't truly HAPPY with the decision. (And generally people that are truly happy with personal decisions like this don't announce it on public forums)
BTW, being "true" to oneself is often a huge cop out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
You have a different mindset than the OP. After reading her posts for awhile - I think she could really benefit from therapy. And that's not to say that she needs "fixing" - I just think that she has some things going on that a therapist can really help her sort out. I don't think that therapy is ever a bad idea.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
I think therapy is publicly traded on the NYSE and half the posters here hold therapy stock. Why the hell else would they suggest it so much when OP has called it a day on the matter?
I suggested therapy to the OP years ago, after a few posts of hers indicated that she was looking for people to spoil her and was going to bounce a guy for the smallest infraction. Of course people change in how they express themselves, but if, after several years, someone still hasn't figured out what they need to do to get the results they want in life, they're floundering, and they hesitate or resist getting help, there's not much anyone can do but watch the train wreck.
I do find it interesting that when a man gets on here and flounces out, like a certain member with a mix of "Republican" and "Democrat" as a screen name used to do every few months, people jump all over him. As I said up-thread, maybe the OP has phrased it more delicately, and maybe she's more open or conversant about it as the thread goes on, but I stand by my assertion that a flounce is a flounce, and it's interesting to me that the OP is receiving all kinds of gentle encouragement and coddling while a guy would be told point-blank to fix himself.
But here, let me even the score. SLS, fix yourself, and if you won't fix yourself, stop complaining. You say you feel that people don't need you in their lives and you have nothing to offer them. Read the same article I post for the guys:
You're right, the world only cares what it can get from you. It's on you to offer someone something he can't get anywhere else. Being nice or "sweet like sugar" isn't going to cut it for women any more than being "nice" is going to cut it for men. If you don't know what it is about you that makes you special, that's what therapy is for, to help you find out what it is and help you develop both the confidence and the techniques to offer it, and deal with it should you offer it and it is declined, instead of walling up and being angry at the world. This is doubly true if you are a virgin. Like it or not, most men want to have sex with their girlfriends. If you're not having sex with someone you're seeing after a couple of months, for whatever reason, you're going to have to have something extra that makes celibacy worth it to him. Or else, you will have to find a way to find men who feel as you do, and again, those are rare indeed.
Announcing that you're no longer going to date on a message board isn't going to do much. You may get coddled, you may be told how wonderful you are, you may be told to keep giving people chances or how to meet people, but until you stop doing what you're doing--which is expecting men to light a fire in you that you should be able to light for yourself--you'll keep getting what you're getting, which is a flat line where your pulse should be.
You are right. I wasn't asking for suggestions on how to improve my life, but I don't mind the feedback since I think it's coming from a positive place. No harm done!
I think the reason you received feedback is because you sounded a little troubled. Your OP didn't exactly resonate a celebratory or happy theme. Not to mention, you posted it for the world to see. From my POV, your OP sounded like a cry for help. Maybe I'm wrong. But that's the impression I think most people would take away when they see a publicly posted thread that seems to indicate that things aren't going too well. Personally, if I'm not looking for a response or suggestions, I wouldn't post about it to a public forum. So I think that's why people thought maybe there was something deeper at work.
We're all people just like you, and despite our disagreements from time to time, I think the majority of us don't want to see our fellow human being in a bad place. If we can help or offer suggestions, I think most of us are willing to do that. I think that's what most people here were doing.
Most single people take breaks. Many of them eventually talk about it with friends or family, either voluntarily or in response to well-meaning, if nosy, questions about whether they're dating someone. My point is that they don't announce it on message boards.
How would you know what people anonymously post on message boards? I visit this forum frequently and participate in discussions all of the time so it really wasn't a stretch for me to post this. I wasn't looking to be coddled, but I appreciate those who have been helpful and encouraging.
Quote:
I suggested therapy to the OP years ago, after a few posts of hers indicated that she was looking for people to spoil her and was going to bounce a guy for the smallest infraction. Of course people change in how they express themselves, but if, after several years, someone still hasn't figured out what they need to do to get the results they want in life, they're floundering, and they hesitate or resist getting help, there's not much anyone can do but watch the train wreck.
I do find it interesting that when a man gets on here and flounces out, like a certain member with a mix of "Republican" and "Democrat" as a screen name used to do every few months, people jump all over him. As I said up-thread, maybe the OP has phrased it more delicately, and maybe she's more open or conversant about it as the thread goes on, but I stand by my assertion that a flounce is a flounce, and it's interesting to me that the OP is receiving all kinds of gentle encouragement and coddling while a guy would be told point-blank to fix himself.
But here, let me even the score. SLS, fix yourself, and if you won't fix yourself, stop complaining. You say you feel that people don't need you in their lives and you have nothing to offer them. Read the same article I post for the guys:
You're right, the world only cares what it can get from you. It's on you to offer someone something he can't get anywhere else. Being nice or "sweet like sugar" isn't going to cut it for women any more than being "nice" is going to cut it for men. If you don't know what it is about you that makes you special, that's what therapy is for, to help you find out what it is and help you develop both the confidence and the techniques to offer it, and deal with it should you offer it and it is declined, instead of walling up and being angry at the world. This is doubly true if you are a virgin. Like it or not, most men want to have sex with their girlfriends. If you're not having sex with someone you're seeing after a couple of months, for whatever reason, you're going to have to have something extra that makes celibacy worth it to him. Or else, you will have to find a way to find men who feel as you do, and again, those are rare indeed.[/b]
I don't usually date guys for months, so it's not an issue of me expecting them to wait for months. The experience that I had where I dated a guy for over a year without sex is not one that I want to repeat because I knew neither one of us was happy, so I did eventually end things so that we could both move on and I haven't dated anyone for more than like 7 dates since, but usually it's less than 5 dates.
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