Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You mistaken me for someone who has anything to reject or accept. I'm not fighting or arguing with anything. My original post simply points out that
She: If you don't do A, I will not do B
He: If you don't do B, I will not do A.
Is a chicken and egg scenario that has no real solution in which someone will always walk away from with resentment. Failure to accept that is simply denying that there is two people involved not just an individual. Women's concerns are equal to that of the husband.
Are you saying compromise is not acceptable? Because at the root of everything I've said... it is a simple message: Do not bargain or use leverage. Simply compromise.
I understand your reasoning... but it is not acceptable to justify resorting to an all / nothing or punishment / reward system.. which is in of itself destructive.
You don't understand it. You don't want to understand it. You only see A/B. You are firmly entrenched in your own beliefs and there is therefore nothing else I can say to make it clearer.
You don't understand it. You don't want to understand it. You only see A/B. You are firmly entrenched in your own beliefs and there is therefore nothing else I can say to make it clearer.
My post is advocating compromise. Are you advocating the opposite?
I've asked if compromise is acceptable twice now... and you can't even bring yourself to answer.
Its not a belief system.... its basic communication and negotiation through compromises.
You can't even wrap your head around what I mean by "A" and "B"... because A and B mean arbitrary things.... so how is that I can only "see A/B"? Your statement makes no sense. I don't even think you read my post.
Yep. Those are the choices. Women's emotions and happiness in the marriage count toward sex, or they don't.
And as I'm not spinning my wheels trapped in a sexless marriage, I don't need any luck.
Ah I get it .. I'm wasting my time. You can't see beyond what you want to see... there is so much bitterness in your tone towards males...
I never said that emotions and happiness in a marriage do not count towards sex. You just keep thinking that. I said quite the opposite. I advocate Compromise is a path to create happiness for the couple... so that both the husband and wife walk away that each have gained something. You don't care... the individual is what counts.
Its your way or the highway... which never works in chicken/egg scenario. Obviously we know what the result is.
PS> Kinda makes me wonder... if you have no experience dealing with sexless marriage, why are you posting here? Ah never mind don't answer that, I already know the answer.
For the ladies, in a relationship, do you find sex important, or are you really not into it? I am currently married, but it seems like my wife is NEVER into it. I try to incorporate different things to make it interesting, and still no go. I romance here, get her what she wants, treat her well, etc.
Anyway, I am just getting frustrated, and notice myself looking more and more at other women. I always wonder how others sex lives are, and whether or not the women get bored with their man, and the sex slows way down once they've been dating and or get married?
I am in my 30's, wife in her late 20's, we have no kids, our own place, etc, and it seems like once a month we do something if at all, and she doesn't even seem into it at all. I'm just getting frustrated and wonder if she's cheating, but I really don't think she is.
Anyway, just curious if any of you on here have noticed the same.
I'm a bit tardy to this thread, but OP it sounds like there is huge lack of communication here. Because, in your mind, you "romance her, get her what she wants, (and) treat her well" but this may not be the case at all. She might think that you haven't really made an effort to do any of these things, while you think you have. Furthermore, she might think that she has given you plenty of 'good lovin', but you come here posting that the sex is lackluster. Communicate communicate communicate!!! Do NOT waste your time trying to get answers from people who aren't your wife. The very fact that she is not into sex suggests that she is lacking a strong intimate emotional connection with you. You MUST find out why that connection is not there and the only way to do that is to communicate. Hell, for all you know, it could be hormonal but you wouldn't know that either unless you sit down with her and discuss it. Your problem is not uncommon and very fixable if you really make the effort. Sit down with her tonight and get back on track. Good luck
Yep. Those are the choices. Women's emotions and happiness in the marriage count toward sex, or they don't.
And as I'm not spinning my wheels trapped in a sexless marriage, I don't need any luck.
That whole argument as it was presented is offensive. It diminishes the importance of a wife's emotions and feelings toward her husband in her sexual response. It also oversimplifies and relegates sex to commerce and makes it quid pro quo in a marriage, which is exactly what the women here are saying it is not. In fact, belaboring the point implies that all the women here, who have explained again and again where they're coming from, don't know their own minds. Talk about sexism.
And not for nothing, but women aren't stupid. We can tell when men are doing something just to get laid. Heck, if that's the only reason a man is doing housework, that's a pretty good indication that he's not quite a fully formed and functioning adult--and that is something my ex-hub came to realize after the divorce. He realized what that said about him, that his assumptions about marriage were way off-base, particularly with reference to a wife who works, hence his later comment, "You signed up to be a wife, not a babysitter."
Speak for yourself. The men I know are more evolved than that.
Sex is great. That I don't have it with sexists and men who can't spell doesn't mean I don't like it.
The rest of your post merely demonstrates how much you don't know about women.
He's actually correct, and I am sorry that you don't see that. You signed up to be a wife not a babysitter or a nanny.
What women often don't realize is sex is plentiful outside. If you don't give, plenty of other women will. There are zero bargaining power about sex for the women at this day and age.
If you are stupid enough to withhold sex, use sex to trade, or just oblivious about it, then don't come crying when the husband is banging the neighbor's daughter.
And yes, women watch porn big time, except their porn is called "romantic stories." The difference is, for most men, after watching porn and jerking off once or twice, they forget about it. Women, on the other hand, after watching the so called romantic stories or chick flick, they take the fiction as the reality.
Ah I get it .. I'm wasting my time. You can't see beyond what you want to see... there is so much bitterness in your tone towards males...
I never said that emotions and happiness in a marriage do not count towards sex. You just keep thinking that. I said quite the opposite. I advocate Compromise is a path to create happiness for the couple... so that both the husband and wife walk away that each have gained something. You don't care... the individual is what counts.
Its your way or the highway... which never works in chicken/egg scenario. Obviously we know what the result is.
PS> Kinda makes me wonder... if you have no experience dealing with sexless marriage, why are you posting here? Ah never mind don't answer that, I already know the answer.
You have implied again and again that if a woman is upset with her husband and doesn't want to have sex with him, that she is "withholding intimacy" as some kind of punishment or bargaining chip. You completely and conveniently ignore that women are telling you that it's not about punishment or bargaining, or any of that quid pro quo, A-for-B nonsense you keep going on about--at least not with us. Maybe it is with your wife, but I'll get to that in a minute. As we're the ones whose minds you think you know, it behooves you to take our word for it. Anything less is presumptuous on a good day, sexist and patriarchal on a bad. Dude, act like a jerk to your wife, and no, she isn't going to think you're sexy. She's going to think you're a jerk. It's really that simple.
As for compromise, you know what? You're right. There is none. If a woman does not want to have sex with someone for whatever reason, there is nothing to compromise about. No man, not even a husband, is entitled to put his hands on a woman unless she wants them there. What's the husband going to do? Rape her?
The bottom line is that in a healthy marriage, sex happens. With kids around, it may need to be scheduled, but other than that, it just happens. It happens because both people are feeling loving toward one another, not because one person is horny and the other acquiesces out of obligation or feeling like he or she owes the other person for anything, and not as a manipulation to get something from the other. There is no need for coercion or dangling carrots. That you don't seem to understand that explains your own predicament.
As for bitterness, you're projecting. In fact, I'm going to come out and address the elephant in the room now: Do you discuss things with your wife the way you discuss them with the women here? When she tells you how she feels about something, do you keep insisting that she doesn't mean what she says, the way you do here? Do you keep belaboring your point, and then when she doesn't yield to your argument, accuse her of being bitter, carrying baggage, and all the other stuff you've tossed toward me and others here? Because if you discuss things with her the way you've discussed them with us, it is absolutely no wonder at all to me that she doesn't want to have sex with you!
You have implied again and again that if a woman is upset with her husband and doesn't want to have sex with him, that she is "withholding intimacy" as some kind of punishment or bargaining chip. You completely and conveniently ignore that women are telling you that it's not about punishment or bargaining, or any of that quid pro quo, A-for-B nonsense you keep going on about--at least not with us. Maybe it is with your wife, but I'll get to that in a minute. As we're the ones whose minds you think you know, it behooves you to take our word for it. Anything less is presumptuous on a good day, sexist and patriarchal on a bad. Dude, act like a jerk to your wife, and no, she isn't going to think you're sexy. She's going to think you're a jerk. It's really that simple.
As for compromise, you know what? You're right. There is none. If a woman does not want to have sex with someone for whatever reason, there is nothing to compromise about. No man, not even a husband, is entitled to put his hands on a woman unless she wants them there. What's the husband going to do? Rape her?
The bottom line is that in a healthy marriage, sex happens. With kids around, it may need to be scheduled, but other than that, it just happens. It happens because both people are feeling loving toward one another, not because one person is horny and the other acquiesces out of obligation or feeling like he or she owes the other person for anything, and not as a manipulation to get something from the other. That you don't seem to understand that explains your own predicament.
As for bitterness, you're projecting. In fact, I'm going to come out and address the elephant in the room now: Do you discuss things with your wife the way you discuss them with the women here? When she tells you something, do you keep insisting that she doesn't mean what she says, the way you do here? Do you keep belaboring your point, and then when she doesn't yield to your argument, accuse her of being bitter, carrying baggage, and all the other stuff you've tossed toward me and others here? Because if you discuss things with her the way you've discussed them with us, it is absolutely no wonder at all to me that she doesn't want to have sex with you!
Withholding sex is not having sex for weeks to no end.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
