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I stopped doing coffee dates altogether. It started to always feel like I was always on a first date, if you catch my drift. That's when I noticed that maybe the women who suggest coffee dates are not the women I should really be pursuing. I like coffee as much as the next person, but I've never had it turn into much of anything outside of a first time meeting. It's either been my venue to do one and done dates, or it was the venue for the woman saying she doesn't see it going anywhere.
I prefer an activity, ice cream, or a dinner if all possible. Ice cream has been my go to as of late and it's been successful enough. The issue for me is both of us being in the same place in life to want to pursue a relationship.
Maybe they're suggesting it to be polite because they know it's quick and cheap, and the guy won't have to start going nuts over the possibility of spending a few dollars.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Maybe they're suggesting it to be polite because they know it's quick and cheap, and the guy won't have to start going nuts over the possibility of spending a few dollars.
Well if she thinks they guy is going to go "nuts" or be put out by spending a few bucks on a couple of drinks, then her picker is wrong.
But I agree with Weezerfan. It might not be that the coffee dates were bad because they were coffee dates, it may be because of the type of person that would prefer them.
Well if she thinks they guy is going to go "nuts" or be put out by spending a few bucks on a couple of drinks, then her picker is wrong.
But I agree with Weezerfan. It might not be that the coffee dates were bad because they were coffee dates, it may be because of the type of person that would prefer them.
What I've had happen with the last few coffee dates was that the women who suggested coffee weren't really ready to date. It didn't come out right then, but as we kept chatting it came up that they weren't ready for the time sink to date. They had a routine that they liked and they didn't want to give it up. I'm Facebook friends with some of the women and what they said seems to be true. They weren't telling me that so they could date someone else. They told me, because they realized that they just weren't ready. I've had it happen more times than I would like to admit with coffee dates.
Most of the women had enough going on in their lives with friends and family that a relationship wasn't really something that would work for them. I would also imagine these women would likely do better with a situation that bares less pressure. Say, a guy friend that they do an activity with once or twice a week in a non pressure situation. Those are the types that can really let her ease her mind into dating.
For me, I don't know if moving that slow is exactly on my radar. I'm not a rush to the alter kind of guy, but I don't want to be friend zoned with the option of us dating in the future. I rather be in the friend zone while totally being aloof to being put there. As in, I greatly enjoy this persons company and it seems like a really nice and genuine friendship. Not, hey I'm not all that attracted to you or have time to date right now, but we can be friends (or frans for the younger crowd). No thank you.
Nothing like a good restaurant with a lively atmosphere, casual and fun, even if the young lady doesn't drink, it's a good time for you to shine when you decide not to drink for her and your both not drinking at your table or the bar, believe me when I say, I love lifer juice but not on a date, it's pretty much a bor fest. And by going out in a lively atmosphere, It's a good way for you to show your...
I like coffee as much as the next person, but I've never had it turn into much of anything outside of a first time meeting.
Whereas I had one that turned into marriage; clearly, mileage varies...and has little to nothing to do with the venue, and everything to do with the parties involved and what they're looking for.
I don't think there's a "type of person" who prefers coffee dates - apart from being a type of person who most likely enjoys the type of fare that cafes sell.
I like cafes. I also like bars, festivals, outdoor events, art fairs, a certain range of sporting events, music venues, museums, boating, tourist traps, tacos, bar trivia nights, brew-and-view movie theatres, sculpture gardens. There isn't a whole lot I'd hate to do on a first date, truth be known, other than probably going to a football game or soccer match, or a conservative pundit book signing or something.
What is the "type" of person who likes coffee dates, I wonder, other than a person who likes (or at least doesn't hate) coffee, etc., and likes environments conducive to sitting and enjoying conversation? When you're getting to know somebody, the conversation is more important to me than what's going on around me in the venue. If the date's going well, I'm not even paying attention to what's going on around me in the venue.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
When you're getting to know somebody, the conversation is more important to me than what's going on around me in the venue. If the date's going well, I'm not even paying attention to what's going on around me in the venue.
While this is true, the lighting, sounds, aromas, energy of a place very much can and does affect the conversation at its core. There is good reason why different establishments study and invest in the decor and ambiance of space: they do affect the mood of the people in that space, and the enjoyment of that space. Two people meet, the same two people, and throw them into a Starbucks vs a dive bar of locals vs am intimate Mediterranean tapas place, and it is highly likely the conversations will be different as will the enjoyment of the evening by the parties engaged in it. Which space works best for which person and which situation is the X factor.
Whereas I had one that turned into marriage; clearly, mileage varies...and has little to nothing to do with the venue, and everything to do with the parties involved and what they're looking for.
I don't think there's a "type of person" who prefers coffee dates - apart from being a type of person who most likely enjoys the type of fare that cafes sell.
I like cafes. I also like bars, festivals, outdoor events, art fairs, a certain range of sporting events, music venues, museums, boating, tourist traps, tacos, bar trivia nights, brew-and-view movie theatres, sculpture gardens. There isn't a whole lot I'd hate to do on a first date, truth be known, other than probably going to a football game or soccer match, or a conservative pundit book signing or something.
What is the "type" of person who likes coffee dates, I wonder, other than a person who likes (or at least doesn't hate) coffee, etc., and likes environments conducive to sitting and enjoying conversation? When you're getting to know somebody, the conversation is more important to me than what's going on around me in the venue. If the date's going well, I'm not even paying attention to what's going on around me in the venue.
I agree totally with everything you said. It's not about the venue, it's about whether the two people hit it off.
Whereas I had one that turned into marriage; clearly, mileage varies...and has little to nothing to do with the venue, and everything to do with the parties involved and what they're looking for.
I don't think there's a "type of person" who prefers coffee dates - apart from being a type of person who most likely enjoys the type of fare that cafes sell.
I like cafes. I also like bars, festivals, outdoor events, art fairs, a certain range of sporting events, music venues, museums, boating, tourist traps, tacos, bar trivia nights, brew-and-view movie theatres, sculpture gardens. There isn't a whole lot I'd hate to do on a first date, truth be known, other than probably going to a football game or soccer match, or a conservative pundit book signing or something.
What is the "type" of person who likes coffee dates, I wonder, other than a person who likes (or at least doesn't hate) coffee, etc., and likes environments conducive to sitting and enjoying conversation? When you're getting to know somebody, the conversation is more important to me than what's going on around me in the venue. If the date's going well, I'm not even paying attention to what's going on around me in the venue.
Like I mentioned, it has to do with the types of women I've went out with that suggested coffee dates, compared to the ones that suggested ice cream or dinner. I'm an analyst by trade, so I have to look at the numbers and draw conclusions, even though love is not quantifiable, I can still draw that I continue to be the common denominator. Successful in relationships and successful getting dates are two different things.
You have to eat anyway, so does she. You will see what kind of a person she is by how she treats the wait staff. You will see how she looks dressed up. Conversation is better with food.
Coffee is something you have with a buddy.
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