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Is spending the night and sleeping together important to you? If so, you probably are never going to get that in this relationship. On the other hand, if you are fine with rarely spending the entire night together, I don't see a problem here.
I would not care tbh if he would not move to another state and we'd have bunch of time together. What pisses me off is he s leaving in 2 weeks for 7 more weeks. I just want to spend as much time as I can with him.
Assuming that what he says is true- that is that he really can't sleep and doesn't want to keep you up- it seems like a blatant incompatibility to me.
I would also have an issue with someone I was seeing having to sleep in his own bed without me.
Why fight about it? Are you hoping to change him?
I am fighting cos he confuses me. He is making plans and wants me to come and visit him on Christmas (so he wants to spend Xmas with me). What does he expects me to do? take a hotel cos he cant sleep with me?
I am fighting cos he confuses me. He is making plans and wants me to come and visit him on Christmas (so he wants to spend Xmas with me). What does he expects me to do? take a hotel cos he cant sleep with me?
I know I am dramatizing, just can't help it.
You can help it.
When you asked him what it would be like if you came for xmas what did he say?
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I am fighting cos he confuses me. He is making plans and wants me to come and visit him on Christmas (so he wants to spend Xmas with me). What does he expects me to do? take a hotel cos he cant sleep with me?
Did he say "come visit" or come "spend" Xmas with him?
He wants you to come visit him on Xmas. . What else do you expect out of a relationship.... Love?
Is this your idea of "spending a lot of time together? Xmas....
Is he also going to come and see you?
Gets more interesting all the time. Sorry, I think I would just call you "Friends" with "Benefits" at this point. As a somewhat Romantic, I don't see one instance of that one word that's required for a meaningful relationship. That being "Love." ....
Not sure how other guys would do it, but I would not have sex with you, and then go home. That's tacky. and I would know it. I would stay, even if I had a tough time sleeping, or had to move to the couch after you fell asleep. I also would not be moving, unless it was almost a matter of life or death, and then I would be with you every weekend, or you would be staying with me. You should be the first priority, then him.
That's the way I go, but maybe its different today, and the "Buddy System" is now the Romantic Relationship.
When you asked him what it would be like if you came for xmas what did he say?
so basically what he says is :"I am going to fly to you on my off days. and you will come to see me on your winter break ( I am doing my MS). We ' ll spend time together, celebrate xmas, decorate his new place" and stuff like that. I am foreigner ( I am not American citizen), and sometimes I think maybe it is different in US and that is the way relationships are in here.
I have been living in USA for a year only.
so basically what he says is :"I am going to fly to you on my off days. and you will come to see me on your winter break ( I am doing my MS). We ' ll spend time together, celebrate xmas, decorate his new place" and stuff like that. I am foreigner ( I am not American citizen), and sometimes I think maybe it is different in US and that is the way relationships are in here.
I have been living in USA for a year only.
Wise up please. Things are not going to be different just because you are in another country....either that or he is lying to you now.....which is better?
Notice how he didn't really answer your question.....he going to stick you in a hotel so he can go do what ever he wants and just show up for sex and leave afterwards?
Did he say "come visit" or come "spend" Xmas with him?
He wants you to come visit him on Xmas. . What else do you expect out of a relationship.... Love?
Is this your idea of "spending a lot of time together? Xmas....
Is he also going to come and see you?
Gets more interesting all the time. Sorry, I think I would just call you "Friends" with "Benefits" at this point. As a somewhat Romantic, I don't see one instance of that one word that's required for a meaningful relationship. That being "Love." ....
Not sure how other guys would do it, but I would not have sex with you, and then go home. That's tacky. and I would know it. I would stay, even if I had a tough time sleeping, or had to move to the couch after you fell asleep. I also would not be moving, unless it was almost a matter of life or death, and then I would be with you every weekend, or you would be staying with me. You should be the first priority, then him.
That's the way I go, but maybe its different today, and the "Buddy System" is now the Romantic Relationship.
Good luck...Done here...
By saying "spending a lot of time together" I meant "spending time before he leaves".
Yes, he already got his return tickets. he will come and see me.
To be honest, I wish all the guys would have same attitude as you towards women. Not everyone do.
In fact when I first moved to US (a year ago) all guys were trying to have a one night stand with me. That was really shocking for me. And when I was turning them down I was becoming a bad one. It took me forever to get used to American dating concept logic. But I still do love US and its people.
Wise up please. Things are not going to be different just because you are in another country....either that or he is lying to you now.....which is better?
Notice how he didn't really answer your question.....he going to stick you in a hotel so he can go do what ever he wants and just show up for sex and leave afterwards?
I know, I am trying to persuade myself that all is not as bad as it seems to be. Probably cos I like him too much.
But knowing myself, I wont be able to handle this kind of attitude towards myself if it will keep going this way. And it seems like at the end I will break up with him, which is sad cos I do like him a lot. But if he doesn't feel same way towards me there is nothing much I can do
By saying "spending a lot of time together" I meant "spending time before he leaves".
Yes, he already got his return tickets. he will come and see me.
To be honest, I wish all the guys would have same attitude as you towards women. Not everyone do.
In fact when I first moved to US (a year ago) all guys were trying to have a one night stand with me. That was really shocking for me. And when I was turning them down I was becoming a bad one. It took me forever to get used to American dating concept logic. But I still do love US and its people.
So you had guys hitting on you.....you had some self respect and didn't go for a one night stand (sorry that happens many places in the world...not just the big bad usa).....but are allowing this guy to treat you as a part time thing.....but since its not a one night stand it's okay?
You know...if you are so seriousabout him...married people tend to live in the same house.....if your relationship goes that way...what is he going to do? Lock you in your room at night?
I am 24 and my bf is 37. I like him a lot.But we have a huge issue (or it seems huge to me).
Due to some circumstances, he comes over to my place and I am ok with it. Yet, he never spends the night. He can leave at 2 a.m. saying "I can't sleep and I don't want to keep you up all night." or some excuses like that. We got into a fight as I don't understand whether the problem is in me and he said "When I don't sleep well at night I get moody the next day and get headaches".
Has anyone faced this kind of an issue? I don't know how to react on this
It's not an issue. He's a grown man who wants to sleep in his own bed. Clearly let him do so. Many people do not fall asleep in the same bed, and remember you are not married. Good luck to you
Last edited by OutdoorsyGal; 09-21-2015 at 11:24 PM..
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