My wife slept with three of my friends while we were separated.. (single, American)
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You should decide to forgive her, and let it go....The fact that it was your friends is what makes you madder. Are you just as angry at them??
Get yourselves into marriage counseling to get over this....or you will destroy your marriage.
My best friend went through this. He and his wife seperated due to constant fighting about everything, mostly finances. They have 3 daugters so my friend wanted to make it work. After she moved back in with her mom, my friend went back to school and finished his degree. A year later he landed a much higher paying job and they "reconciled". A couple of months later he bumped into one of his prior coworkers. The coworker didn't know he and his wife were back together. The coworker bragged about how his ex came over to his house one night and he and the boys did a number on her.
My friend called me and was hysterical about it. I advised him to ask her about it. Well she denied everything and said they were making it up. My friend eventually got in contact with all of the people involved and they confirmed it was true. At this point the relationship was basically over. He couldn't regain trust in her and doubt began to eat him alive. He tried counseling, but there was no hope. A year later they ended it for good. He is in a new long term relationship and is happier than ever.
The problem here is that her actions bother you. They don't bother her. There is no reason to keep bringing it up. There is no way to "fix" this. If you can't get over it, then you need to leave, as this will be a recurring problem. By remaining in this relationship you are basically torturing yourself.
This happens all the time. Thats what separation means to certain people. Justification and rationalization for whorish behavior. Sad but true.
Well, a few years back, my wife and I got back together, and had our second child. For two years prior to us getting back together, we were separated, with no intentions of getting back together. During that time, she slept with three of my friends. Upon getting back with her, her sister's husband filled me in on what happened. I confronted her about it, and after some time, she caved and told me (I didn't tell her who told me, I basically guilt-tripped her into telling me). Well, naturally, I was very hurt by this, and still am three years later. I feel like she betrayed me. She told me she was sorry, and that she regretted it. Well, I brought it back up tonight, and she got very angry. She acted as though she didn't care that it happened, or that I was hurt, though she did yell at me that she is sorry. I have probably brought it up four our five times in the three years since I found out. Tonight was the first night that I broke down and cried, and really tried to push the idea that it still hurts that she did it. I let her know that I never think about anyone else she slept with, because I was having sex during that time as well, and I honestly don't care that she was. I only think of my friends that she slept with. She just honestly seemed to be very cold and insensitive about the situation. I left the room visibly upset for almost an hour, and she never came to check on me. How should I feel about this?
*** I also have a sneaking feeling that she was sleeping with two of them before we separated, but she obviously denies it. Two of them stayed with us at different times, and I worked night shift. I never suspected it then, but now I definitely do.
This is such a heartbreaking story. I feel sympathy for your emotional pain that is very real. Would you feel better if she acknowledged the emotional hurt she has caused you? She would feel just as deeply hurt had you slept with her girlfriends while separated. I am a little surprised by some of the cold responses you got in this thread. I do not know if you can save your relationship or not. Of course it will never be the same and what has been done in the past cannot be undone. That's the trouble with selfish and hurtful behavior -- we can never undo the hurt we cause others. My heart goes out to you. I know that is not really helpful to your situation, but I just wanted you to know that it does. I am female, just in case you want to know.
She didn't want to have sex with random strangers,these were people in her circle ,you were broken up for TWO Years.You will get over this and congrats on repairing your marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FEARtehSPEAR
Well, a few years back, my wife and I got back together, and had our second child. For two years prior to us getting back together, we were separated, with no intentions of getting back together. During that time, she slept with three of my friends. Upon getting back with her, her sister's husband filled me in on what happened. I confronted her about it, and after some time, she caved and told me (I didn't tell her who told me, I basically guilt-tripped her into telling me). Well, naturally, I was very hurt by this, and still am three years later. I feel like she betrayed me. She told me she was sorry, and that she regretted it. Well, I brought it back up tonight, and she got very angry. She acted as though she didn't care that it happened, or that I was hurt, though she did yell at me that she is sorry. I have probably brought it up four our five times in the three years since I found out. Tonight was the first night that I broke down and cried, and really tried to push the idea that it still hurts that she did it. I let her know that I never think about anyone else she slept with, because I was having sex during that time as well, and I honestly don't care that she was. I only think of my friends that she slept with. She just honestly seemed to be very cold and insensitive about the situation. I left the room visibly upset for almost an hour, and she never came to check on me. How should I feel about this?
*** I also have a sneaking feeling that she was sleeping with two of them before we separated, but she obviously denies it. Two of them stayed with us at different times, and I worked night shift. I never suspected it then, but now I definitely do.
I don't need to go into a long rant. Again, there are just some things that you don't do. Sleeping with your ex husbands three best friends are one of them.
There is no such rule. Perhaps that is something YOU do not do - and more power to you. Nothing wrong with that. But what your EXs do is not really your business. What the OPs ex did while she was his ex is also none of his business. There is nothing you can say that is going to change that. It is that simple. It is not a rule OR a moral standing.
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Originally Posted by slipperyslope93
Who in their right mind would want to be with someone that is sizing up everybody that they take home as if, "I'm going to get a little bit of that some day?"
Now you are simply making things up about her. You have no idea that she did any such thing while they were together. You are simply inventing it.
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Originally Posted by slipperyslope93
Don't kid yourself either. She did this "specifically" to hurt him more.
Still making things up. You have no idea who she is - what was going on in her head - or why she did anything that she did. In fact what we DO know is the opposite of your fantasy here - in that the OP made it very clear she had no intention of telling him anything about it at all. Hardly the actions of someone who did it just to hurt him more. You are simply running away with your fantasies now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by slipperyslope93
And yes, regardless of you being a man or a women, I do think that you side with the women regardless of the issue.
Then you simply think wrong. As I said nothing I wrote above would change one IOTA had it been a female OP writing about a Male ex. So not only are you making up things about the woman mentioned in the OP - you are now making up falsehoods about me too. You really do like your little fantasy land - but I prefer to stay out here in the real world thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by slipperyslope93
I hope those brownie points are working for you. I'll give you a rep if you need them that bad. At least that is what I gather by reading your drivel today.
And now you are just getting petty and personal. As you can see I let me posts and arguments stand for themselves without personal attacks of this petty nature. That you need to resort to them to make a point - says everything about the quality of your points. Personal attacks - fantasy falsehoods - you are employing the full array here.
Bottom Line again - her sex life while not in a relationship with him is not her business. Nor is his sex life during that period his business. If either of them have an issue with them sleeping with friends - they should probably take it up with those friends - not the partner.
There is no such rule. Perhaps that is something YOU do not do - and more power to you. Nothing wrong with that. But what your EXs do is not really your business. What the OPs ex did while she was his ex is also none of his business.
Sure it is. If my partner and I broke up, what she did when we were apart would absolutely be my business - to the extent that I choose to get back with them or not. This isn't a court of law, there is no rules of evidence that makes it inadmissible in the decision.
And of course it's speculation what she was thinking when they were together but my bet is she was sleeping with his friends before the separation. Two of the three friends she slept with had been staying with them for periods of time. I don't see that as coincidence and if I was him I'd not be with her for that reason.
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