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So who's picking up the tab? Is she racking up CC debt? Parents bankrolling her and/or bailing her out?
I've taught. I know what a teacher's budget looks like. It's why I know where to find the free yoga, so to speak.
The only thing she's told me that her parents pay for is her cell phone bill. I'd say 90% of the time, we split the bill or switch back and forth on who picks up the tab. The other 10%, I'm usually exclusively picking up the tab.
She also insists that she's putting like $600/mo into retirement funds. She doesn't have a credit card to my knowledge. She says her parents placed a large emphasis on personal finance education when she was younger. But at the same time, she spends a lot of money on extracurricular activities and sometimes I feel like I have a difficult time keeping up.
She is obviously more active towards trying new things than you. How about you just tell her what you budget is and work back from there? I really don't think she sounds like the type of person who is too keen on sitting around all night watching Netflix. How about you guys do yoga from Youtube videos at home? Do you want to ski?
She just may be an extroverted personality who wants to be out doing stuff all the time, in which case this might not work.
I'd say that we probably have very similar personality types. She may be a little more extroverted, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm less into trying new things. I'm down to try new things, but I don't like when they cost a lot of money.
I've suggested Youtube for yoga, but she insists that the instructor adds a different element to the experience because they can show you proper form. So now we just don't talk about it, because it's sort of a hot button issue at this point.
She does love Netflix, which is nice. We have spent weekends binge watching shows.
As for skiing, I personally have zero interest in it. I've lived her in Colorado for nearly eight years and couldn't care less about skiing. I didn't move here to ski though. I moved here to do more cycling, and so my money is invested more with that.
We do enjoy camping. I just bought my first batch of camping gear this year, which wasn't too bad. But that's also a relatively cheap activity we can do pretty easily together.
My mom always used to say, "You don't get rich by spending all your money."
This would be the parable that is most appropriate for this thread.
I joke with my GF that "You have to spend money to save money", because she's big on the idea that she saves so much money on what she buys. I try to remind her that she didn't have to spend that money in the fist place, but I think this goes over her head.
Well it sounds like you are compromising already. And heck, if you don't want to do the sport, don't.
How about SHE join yoga and come back and teach you?
Don't her friends want to do stuff like that?
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I agree with you. I'm not against taking yoga with her, per se. I'm against the idea of paying $80/mo for it. I don't know that she's into paying for the cutesy stuff that goes along with it. She does have the idea in her mind that $80/mo is par for the course in terms of a yoga membership. I didn't realize they could be so expensive for something that requires so little. My previous gym membership, with tons of equipment and even classes for members cost like $30/mo. How is yoga that much money per month?
Yoga is (or can be, there are plenty of places it's not) that expensive because it CAN be. People will pay it. It's trendy, and studios are selling a whole look and lifestyle and atmosphere, not just classes on stretching, strengthening, and meditation. It's a whole package being marketed. But if people will pay $80 or more a month for yoga classes, studios will gladly charge it.
She might have "the idea in her mind" that $80 is par for the course, but have her look up different places' rates, and see how she responds to the reality of less costly yoga classes.
Quote:
I should have elaborated. I meant I'd be content on my own doing these things. My lifestyle prior to my GF was pretty frugal. I didn't really spend a lot of entertainment and I was still able to have a good time.
That was my point.
If you're seriously thinking you'd be happier on your own living a simple lifestyle than being with your girlfriend and her more high maintenance preferences, it's time to do some reevaluating about being in the relationship.
Reading between the lines, it seems possible that you're not that enchanted with the relationship (possibly because your values are different, maybe for other reasons), and because you're not that enchanted, the things that irk you are really standing out. Your tone is pretty critical when it comes to the things you don't agree with. It seems like you, too, have some hobbies that require some equipment and cost outlay.
And, really, if maintaining your frugal lifestyle is higher priority than whatever you're getting out of your relationship with your girlfriend, and your relationship is denting your ability to maintain the frugal lifestyle, it's probably better that you do choose the lifestyle over the girlfriend. There's really no way for the twain to meet, here. She's not likely to adopt your lifestyle and be happy with it, and you're certainly not likely to be happy with hers.
I've suggested Youtube for yoga, but she insists that the instructor adds a different element to the experience because they can show you proper form. So now we just don't talk about it, because it's sort of a hot button issue at this point.
I'm with her, there. I agree that yoga DVDs and youtube videos are a poor substitute for classes, personally. But I guarantee she can find more budget-friendly classes. A good instructor to interact with really enhances things (and I've also gone to places with terrible instructors, which is why I'm glad that most places do a free "try us out!" session to allow me to assess that.
OP: I've seen this pattern a lot with some of the Mr's friends. The woman is used to certain amount of activities and recreation, so no expense is spared while dating. Next thing you know, they're married and buying more house than they can afford, more car than they need, and god-forbid the children ever wear secondhand clothes. If you're a more frugal guy, start reigning it in now and see how she reacts to more simple dates. Then you'll know if she's right for you.
Well it sounds like you are compromising already. And heck, if you don't want to do the sport, don't.
How about SHE join yoga and come back and teach you?
Don't her friends want to do stuff like that?
I think she does yoga with some of her co-workers. And she does ski with co-workers and friends. So that helps get me off the hook.
We spent a good amount of time bike riding last summer, which was nice. That's what I like about biking. The start up costs can be a little high, like camping, but it's a relatively cheap activity to do around here. All you need is your bike and there are a ton of bike trails in the city alone. We can always drive up to the mountains as well, which I believe is the plan for next spring/summer.
Skiing and yoga aren't that appealing to me, because there is a hefty monthly/yearly expense tied to them. My bike costs only about $100 in maintenance per year.
She doesn't get off with not paying at all. We do often split the bill on our activities. Even so, our activities cost, on average, about $100-$200/week. That's going to the movies, running in organized races, local weekend get-aways (nothing fancy; camping, etc.), drinks/dinner with friends or between us, etc.
That's an awful lot of money to be spending on entertainment, OP. That's $400-$800/month, which is outrageous! Why is this necessary? A movie is only about $10. Even if you went to one every week, it would only be $40 apiece. Where's the rest of it going? What about day hikes on weekends, with only occasional camping trips? Where does camping cost so much, anyway--are you renting RV space or something? It shouldn't be hard to cut back. And cutting back doesn't mean sitting at home and "not doing much". It can mean enjoying free events, art fairs, outdoor concerts, biking the local bike trails, swimming in local lakeside parks (if any), a museum visit once/month, an interesting lecture at the local university or institute, etc.
Running in organized races? Is this something you took up after getting together with your gf, or were you doing this before? If you were into that before, why is it an added and burdensome expense now?
I think you need to prioritize. As a couple, if you have any hope for a long future together, you'll need to talk about money, future financial goals, and general priorities anyway, so you may as well start now. Consider this an opportunity to scope her out in terms of her spending style and her ability to exert fiscal discipline. This talk and subsequent spending behavior could reveal a lot about her marriage potential. Approach the topic hoping for the best, and see what happens.
If she's into spending her paychecks on monthly gym activities and weekend entertainment, without much left over for vacations, to say nothing of saving for retirement, etc., and isn't willing or able to change her habits, she's not for you, no matter how well you get along otherwise. The two top causes of divorce are opposing approaches to managing money, and differences in sex drive.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-09-2015 at 11:10 AM..
OP: I've seen this pattern a lot with some of the Mr's friends. The woman is used to certain amount of activities and recreation, so no expense is spared while dating. Next thing you know, they're married and buying more house than they can afford, more car than they need, and god-forbid the children ever wear secondhand clothes. If you're a more frugal guy, start reigning it in now and see how she reacts to more simple dates. Then you'll know if she's right for you.
Good point, Ms. Mathlete. Thank you!
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It shouldn't be hard to cut back. And cutting back doesn't mean sitting at home and "not doing much". It can mean enjoying free events, art fairs, outdoor concerts, biking the local bike trails, swimming in local lakeside parks (if any), a museum visit once/month, an interesting lecture at the local university or institute, etc. 
