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Correct. Generally, you don't "just" lose love. Which is exactly what I said and indeed tried to stress...it is, usually, a complex rather than one-dimensional issue.
Before replying, you should read the posts you're quoting. You might find your follow-up questions already answered there.
I am reading it. I'm just not believing the responses or I think the details are being spun. I understand if you're dating someone and they start say smoking you dump them. I don't get two people being in love for years. Then one starts smoking and it's time for a divorce. It doesn't make sense to me. It's not complex. Everyone is ng beating. I know not all cases of divorce are due to domestic violence. All other divorces sound to me like "Well, I am in love when every thing is going well. I'm not when things aren't. For this marriage, I really am in love". I just feel like the things you guys are saying about your exs you would say about current spouses if you got divorced. It's human nature. You're not going to say you divorced someone because they look old. You're going to say you fell out of love.
I've noticed in my family, a lot of people are on their second spouses or married to someone who is divorced or had a baby momma or daddy. To me, this is not negligible. I feel the person still loves their former spouse. If you're a second spouse, what do you feel about your partner's first spouse and baby momma/daddy?
When a couple has a kid and for some reason they went apart does not mean they have to be enemies and need to kill each other or completely cut contact. Some people go their own ways in friendship way. Some not, they don't love the previous spouse, but due to the kid even they don't like to be in touch, they have to be in touch in the sake of child. IF I were you will make my self busy with some thing else instead of thinking unwanted stuff.
You can't just lose love, though. Love, at least how I think of it, isn't fleeting. It's not being hungry and then ten minutes later you're not.
Yes, actually, you can. You can have love physically beaten out of you - literally or metaphorically. When a person you love who lies to you, cheats on you, emotionally or even physically abuses you, abandons the vows you made, you can ABSOLUTELY lose love. Many, many posters on here have lived it.
You sound like someone who has very little experience with love, relationships, or marriage. You can think you know all kinds of stuff about love, but you can't speak to someone else's experience.
I am reading it. I'm just not believing the responses or I think the details are being spun. I understand if you're dating someone and they start say smoking you dump them. I don't get two people being in love for years. Then one starts smoking and it's time for a divorce. It doesn't make sense to me. It's not complex. Everyone is ng beating. I know not all cases of divorce are due to domestic violence. All other divorces sound to me like "Well, I am in love when every thing is going well. I'm not when things aren't. For this marriage, I really am in love". I just feel like the things you guys are saying about your exs you would say about current spouses if you got divorced. It's human nature. You're not going to say you divorced someone because they look old. You're going to say you fell out of love.
You believe these things because you lack life experience. Don't discount the perspectives of older, wiser people. That's both foolish and naive. Just feel grateful you haven't lived through the real life experiences of others who have survived heartbreak and disappointment.
You were never really in love then. I believe two people can love each other and not be be good together/live together. I don't believe you can love someone fully and then one day be like "I hate him.her".
You can believe or not. If you haven't experienced it one way or the other (through choosing to divorce someone), then it's not a fact. Sometimes, the person who is dumped may still love the ex, despite the pain. However, people who choose the divorce have often fallen out of love, and move on to love someone else - maybe even love the new person more than their ex. I think you have an unrealistic, idealistic view of love. Eventually, you may find out if you're right - you could be one of the rare exceptions, I suppose.
I speak from experience. My ex slowly killed the love I had for her, and I had none left when I left. I still didn't wish her ill, but there was no love - only mild disgust and contempt. I feel no nostalgia for those years, either, while being able to remember that we had some good times and experiences. Love is conditional. The concept of unconditional, everlasting love is fiction.
This thread proves why I cringe when they say they love someone "unconditionally." That's just not true. You NEVER can love someone without conditions, it's just not possible.
I'm a second spouse. My husband was married soon after college for about 2 years. He soon found his wife to be an unpleasant and unsupportive person. He shouldn't have married her in the first place. So, he divorced her. They had no kids, didn't own a home and had no money, so it was was easy to just walk away from.
He has no contact with her and never has and even now, 20 years later, her name only comes up every few years in the context of behaviors and actions he thinks someone should not exhibit in a marriage. For him, it's like that first marriage never existed and/or it merely taught him what he did/did not want from a marriage.
We are celebrating our 15th anniversary soon, so he and I must be doing something right.
Last edited by Texas Ag 93; 03-26-2016 at 07:14 AM..
I am reading it. I'm just not believing the responses or I think the details are being spun. I understand if you're dating someone and they start say smoking you dump them. I don't get two people being in love for years. Then one starts smoking and it's time for a divorce. It doesn't make sense to me. It's not complex. Everyone is ng beating. I know not all cases of divorce are due to domestic violence. All other divorces sound to me like "Well, I am in love when every thing is going well. I'm not when things aren't. For this marriage, I really am in love". I just feel like the things you guys are saying about your exs you would say about current spouses if you got divorced. It's human nature. You're not going to say you divorced someone because they look old. You're going to say you fell out of love.
Falling out of love is like erosion, not like flicking off a light switch. Be glad that you don't understand it but knock off the arrogance in trying to deny or trivialize other people's life experiences.
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