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Saturday morning I wake up to a friend request on IG from a guy I went on one date with like 10 years ago. I was about to delete him honestly, and then I realized who he was so I figured there was no harm in accepting him. A few hours later he messages me saying I came up in his friend suggestions and he thinks we on a date once years ago. I tell him yes I think we did, and then we went back and forth a bit. Honestly I can't remember why we never went out again, but I'm starting to think it may have been because he was super boring. He keeps messaging me but the conversation always falls flat, no matter how hard I try to be engaging, I don't think it was this way in person, but messaging with him is a total snooze fest. And whenever I feel like the conversation has ended, he goes and messages me again. This morning he messaged me at 6:30am saying good morning, which is super early to be messaging someone you barely know.
I just find this whole situation weird, him reaching out after one date 10 years ago. Had he never sent me that request I would've never remembered meeting this man, and I can remember almost every guy I went on a date with. My profile on IG is private, so he just had that one little pic to go on to realize it was me and those pics are so small I barely recognize anyone in them. I get that IG can use your phone contacts to give friend suggestions, but he's been on IG for a few years and so have I, why would I just pop up now? I guess I'm just getting a bit creeped out, especially since he keeps messaging me. I could maybe understand this if we went out a few times, or dated for a few months, but after one date almost a decade ago it's just creepy.
Listen to your gut. The whole thing does sound weird. The early morning text after all the rest too.
What do you think of blocking him? It might seem abrupt and harsh if he hasn't actually been hostile or overtly stalkerish. But if you feel uneasy you don't need to ignore that feeling just to appease a stranger.
Sometimes stalking starts out small like this but when given even the tiniest encouragement (like just accepting a friend request), it can be like dowsing a tiny flame with gasoline. It can very quickly and suddenly blow up.
I don't think it's creepy. Just random. A guy I thought forgot me years ago, started making his presence known in the last few years or so. His activity has been kind of strange, but mainly childish. He's been liking everything I post as I post it (on IG and FB, even if it's the same picture), follows both my business and personal pages on IG, and even friended me on snapchat and responds to stories. I think it's kind of weird because last I heard of him he had gotten married and had a kid, but that was a while ago. Keep in mind we hadn't spoken in nearly 7 years. So all of this combined makes me raise an eyebrow. I've been keeping an eye on the situation just in case he gets out of line, but he hasn't done anything besides the things I mentioned. I think it's a bit strange but it seems like he may still have a lingering crush, but who knows. I'm not really engaging. I would suggest you do the same. If you tell him you're not really interested he'll probably back off.
I don't think it's creepy. Just random. A guy I thought forgot me years ago, started making his presence known in the last few years or so. His activity has been kind of strange, but mainly childish. He's been liking everything I post as I post it (on IG and FB, even if it's the same picture), follows both my business and personal pages on IG, and even friended me on snapchat and responds to stories. I think it's kind of weird because last I heard of him he had gotten married and had a kid, but that was a while ago. Keep in mind we hadn't spoken in nearly 7 years. So all of this combined makes me raise an eyebrow. I've been keeping an eye on the situation just in case he gets out of line, but he hasn't done anything besides the things I mentioned. I think it's a bit strange but it seems like he may still have a lingering crush, but who knows. I'm not really engaging. I would suggest you do the same. If you tell him you're not really interested he'll probably back off.
It sounds like you and this guy may have had some kind of history. I would hardly call what I had history, it was one date that wasn't very memorable I guess that's why I'm a bit creeped out. Just not enough history there for him to be acting the way he is.
Listen to your gut. The whole thing does sound weird. The early morning text after all the rest too.
What do you think of blocking him? It might seem abrupt and harsh if he hasn't actually been hostile or overtly stalkerish. But if you feel uneasy you don't need to ignore that feeling just to appease a stranger.
Sometimes stalking starts out small like this but when given even the tiniest encouragement (like just accepting a friend request), it can be like dowsing a tiny flame with gasoline. It can very quickly and suddenly blow up.
The early morning text was because he works nights, so that's the time he gets home but still common sense would tell you not to text someone you hardly know that early.
I'm not concerned for my safety or anything just feels odd, it's almost like he just broke up with a girlfriend and he's trying to replace her but then I looked at his IG and there was no sign of an ex or current girlfriend.
And his messages are not engaging at all, there just one word responses but when I stop responding he'll send another message. There's no effort to get to know me or anything, and while I understand messaging isn't really a way of getting to know someone, typically you do ask a few questions about a person, he hasn't done this. It's all very surface level, but he keeps it going, I actually have to specifically tell him I'm going to bed or I'm that I'm busy in order for him to stop messaging, and then a few hours later he starts up again! It's almost comical.
The early morning text was because he works nights, so that's the time he gets home but still common sense would tell you not to text someone you hardly know that early.
I'm not concerned for my safety or anything just feels odd, it's almost like he just broke up with a girlfriend and he's trying to replace her but then I looked at his IG and there was no sign of an ex or current girlfriend.
And his messages are not engaging at all, there just one word responses but when I stop responding he'll send another message. There's no effort to get to know me or anything, and while I understand messaging isn't really a way of getting to know someone, typically you do ask a few questions about a person, he hasn't done this. It's all very surface level, but he keeps it going, I actually have to specifically tell him I'm going to bed or I'm that I'm busy in order for him to stop messaging, and then a few hours later he starts up again! It's almost comical.
It's hard to know what to make of it. He sounds like he has some social awkwardness or something. It's possible he's on the rebound, or, you just popped into his head, or your profile came up (and he uncannily recognized you somehow), or, he's lying, and he searched for you.
Whatever the case may be, it seems like he's not able or not willing to consider how this all appears to you.
Most people try to consider the others viewpoint, and think "Will this seem creepy?" "Will this be upsetting for whatever reason?" Etc. And adjust their behavior accordingly. Maybe this person doesn't have that instinct and is just running with his impulses.
So far I’m not sure what is creepy about it. My guess is, he remembered you a lot better than you remembered him. So far his “creepy crimes” are that, being boring and generally a bad conversationalist, not having a lot of social awareness, and likely having more interest in you than you have for him.
If you tell him that you’re not interested (which you should do) and he persists, or his behavior turns from clueless to boorish, then my tune will change. But is being socially awkward and generally bad at communicating, and yet trying to make a connection with someone, really creepy? Frankly that’s an outlook that I have feared most of my life.
I wouldn't call his behavior creepy; desperate more likely. The important thing is that it feels creepy to you. I agree that you should trust your gut. You don't have to reply to his messages. That doesn't make you a bad person. You clearly aren't into him and you have given it a fair chance. It sounds like he is desperate for a reason, he is lacking in emotional and social IQ.
Even if you don't remember why, there was a reason there was only one date.
Not sure if creepy is the right word, since that implies a certain level of inappropriateness. I don't think it's inappropriate to attempt to reconnect with someone you had a fleeting connection with years ago. Doesn't seem you do either since you were originally open to the idea. It looks like the connection is not working this time either and you're figuring out why it didn't work out the first time around. Probably time to rip off the band-aid before he gets too invested in this effort.
So far I’m not sure what is creepy about it. My guess is, he remembered you a lot better than you remembered him. So far his “creepy crimes” are that, being boring and generally a bad conversationalist, not having a lot of social awareness, and likely having more interest in you than you have for him.
If you tell him that you’re not interested (which you should do) and he persists, or his behavior turns from clueless to boorish, then my tune will change. But is being socially awkward and generally bad at communicating, and yet trying to make a connection with someone, really creepy? Frankly that’s an outlook that I have feared most of my life.
Unfortunately for socially awkward guys, that is often perceived by women as being creepy. It may not be fair to these guys, since they often have nothing but good intentions, but it is the reality. Makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint as well. With our species social adeptness has been an important survival trait probably since the beginning, and one that women have had to recognize in men who were going to have a social status conductive to reproductive success. Darwin doesn't care about a guy's good intentions.
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