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If I hadn't made the move to kiss on the last first date I went on, I think there's at least a better than 50% chance right now that I'm not engaged to a woman that fits about 90%-95% of the qualities I want in a woman. As I mentioned in either this thread or one of the other ones about shyness, I made a lot of mistakes when I first met her. Mistakes that might have completely struck me out with a girl that didn't have a fairly high interest level. She even wound up telling me something along the lines of ''You were very frustrating the first day that we hung out. You were almost impossible. You were really shy, your eye contact was poor. You kept doing this thing with your hands, your body language was not good. It was like a boy in high school. I've rejected guys for this kind of behavior, who I initially really liked. But I felt you were worth it, I really liked you and you would have had to mess up really bad for me not to. I was really surprised you kissed me, I thought I would have to make that move''.
So here we are today.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356
I use OLD mainly (at least right now), so that factors into my thinking even more.
That's one of the reasons that I don't like OLD much. Don't get me wrong, I'd be open to giving it another try in the unfortunate circumstance that I become single again. God forbid that happens. But one of the reasons I don't like online dating, aside from using the sites in the first place, is that with OLD, you have to talk more to the person before you can go out on a date. And it's understandable, as they have never met you face to face and they wanna find out who they're dealing with before ever meeting you. I don't blame them for that, but I don't like having too much correspondence over the phone before meeting. I wind up discussing everything we could be discussing on a date and I have quite frequently talked girls out of going out with me, just by using the phone to communicate with them too much before going out on a date.
Not knocking OLD at all though. I just wanna get to know someone over the phone or through texting as little as possible.
If I hadn't made the move to kiss on the last first date I went on, I think there's at least a better than 50% chance right now that I'm not engaged to a woman that fits about 90%-95% of the qualities I want in a woman. As I mentioned in either this thread or one of the other ones about shyness, I made a lot of mistakes when I first met her. Mistakes that might have completely struck me out with a girl that didn't have a fairly high interest level. She even wound up telling me something along the lines of ''You were very frustrating the first day that we hung out. You were almost impossible. You were really shy, your eye contact was poor. You kept doing this thing with your hands, your body language was not good. It was like a boy in high school. I've rejected guys for this kind of behavior, who I initially really liked. But I felt you were worth it, I really liked you and you would have had to mess up really bad for me not to. I was really surprised you kissed me, I thought I would have to make that move''.
So here we are today.
That's one of the reasons that I don't like OLD much. Don't get me wrong, I'd be open to giving it another try in the unfortunate circumstance that I become single again. God forbid that happens. But one of the reasons I don't like online dating, aside from using the sites in the first place, is that with OLD, you have to talk more to the person before you can go out on a date. And it's understandable, as they have never met you face to face and they wanna find out who they're dealing with before ever meeting you. I don't blame them for that, but I don't like having too much correspondence over the phone before meeting. I wind up discussing everything we could be discussing on a date and I have quite frequently talked girls out of going out with me, just by using the phone to communicate with them too much before going out on a date.
Not knocking OLD at all though. I just wanna get to know someone over the phone or through texting as little as possible.
Eh, if she really did like you as much as she claimed, then you probably would have had more dates, and with her probably hinting big time at wanting to be kissed (worst case, she'd have made the first move ).
Real life dating has NOT worked out for me at all. Not entirely sure why, but that's been the case. While I'm not saying I've done great on OLD by any means, it's worked out a little better for me as of now. The thing I do with OLD (which probably helps and hurts depending on the woman), is I usually ask them out within a few messages, especially if the convo is at a high moreso. Exchange numbers, and text to hopefully make future plans to meet up.
I always go for the kiss on the first date. I wanna find out if I'm in or out as soon as possible. If I'm out, I'm not wasting anymore time on her. Not wasting anymore money either. 👺👎🏻
I was a never kiss on the first date kind of guy. Just wasn't me.
I always go for the kiss on the first date. I wanna find out if I'm in or out as soon as possible. If I'm out, I'm not wasting anymore time on her. Not wasting anymore money either. 👺👎🏻
The way to not "waste" money on first or second dates is to not choose spendy dates. It has nothing to do with how much time you spend on her or how much time you allow her to get to know you before allowing you to swap spit with her. (Hint: the dating process is not all about you.)
The way to not "waste" money on first or second dates is to not choose spendy dates. It has nothing to do with how much time you spend on her or how much time you allow her to get to know you before allowing you to swap spit with her. (Hint: the dating process is not all about you.)
Yes.
Seriously, just go grab a cup of coffee or whatever to get to know one another. And state it outright like that. "Well, it would be fun to get to know you a little bit better...have an hour this (whatever weekday/weekend day)? How about coffee?"
The way to not "waste" money on first or second dates is to not choose spendy dates. It has nothing to do with how much time you spend on her or how much time you allow her to get to know you before allowing you to swap spit with her. (Hint: the dating process is not all about you.)
So I think the dating process is all about me because I kiss on the first date? Or was this me misinterpreting you? I really hope so.
The bottom line is that if a girl really likes you, she's gonna kiss you back on the first date. If she doesn't, I don't have time for her and don't wanna waste my time any longer. I wanted to go out with girls that really liked me. And I'm not gonna ever apologize for it.
But if someone doesn't wanna kiss on the first date, that's their prerogative too.
Seriously, just go grab a cup of coffee or whatever to get to know one another. And state it outright like that. "Well, it would be fun to get to know you a little bit better...have an hour this (whatever weekday/weekend day)? How about coffee?"
These issues guys continually seem to have on this forum, could easily be prevented if only they took a few simple actions before hand.
And like I discussed before on various threads, going for the kiss is one of the best ways to screen your date, IF you really like her and feel there's some chemistry. And I mean going for that kiss early on in the courtship.
A first date to me is more about seeing if there's any chemistry at all, and gauging what kind of a person she is. And if I like what I see, I try to get a feel for if she feels the same way. Of course I'm not going to kiss a date that I have no chemistry with. But if I feel there's potential, most certainly by the second date should be hints of intimacy.
If she hesitates or doesn't want to kiss or is uncomfortable being intimate with you, then you have your answer.
I don't buy that women in general are turned off by a guy they like not making a move on her. If a girl likes a guy, she likes a guy. End of story. She'll make it known.
Like the OP's situation, if she really liked him the way he wants her to like him, don't you think she would have said or done something by now? She would have started making moves on him and wanting to kiss in the car after the date.
But after almost 3 months, the girl does nothing to truly show her interest in the OP, and the poor OP is still bamboozled and wondering what's going on. Like I said, at least if the OP tried to kiss her early on, he would have known where he stood, and prevented months of being strung along with false hopes.
I can look back on all my dates and relationships, and the difference in actions between girls who were genuinely attracted to me, and those who viewed me as the 'nice guy' to pay for their dinner and movie only, is like freaking night and day.
So I think the dating process is all about me because I kiss on the first date? Or was this me misinterpreting you? I really hope so.
The bottom line is that if a girl really likes you, she's gonna kiss you back on the first date. If she doesn't, I don't have time for her and don't wanna waste my time any longer. I wanted to go out with girls that really liked me. And I'm not gonna ever apologize for it.
But if someone doesn't wanna kiss on the first date, that's their prerogative too.
How would she know if she "really likes you" after just one date? You may be fun on a first date, putting your best foot forward, but she needs to get to know you more, to look below the surface and see if you're trustworthy, not a player, reliable, etc. etc.
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